Customer: “Sir, it is a sin to sell these Halloween decorations.”
Me: “How else could folks get them?”
Customer: “That’s not the point. Halloween is for devil worshippers.”
Me: “No, it’s a Christian holiday, ushering in All Saints’ Day.”
Customer: “No, that’s Catholic. I’m a Christian.”
This story is part of our Devilish Halloween roundup!
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(It is 2004, and the movie ‘The Passion Of The Christ’ has just come out.)
Customer #1: “Oooh, I’ve heard great things about The Passion of the Christ.”
Customer #2: “Yeah, it really reaffirms your faith in Christ.”
Me: “It’s been a big hit this week; Mel Gibson tried to make it as historically accurate as possible.” *cough* “Even all the dialog is in Aramaic.”
Customer #1: “Wait what?!”
Me: “It’s in Aramaic, the language which they spoke back then.”
Customer #1: “You mean it has subtitles?! It’s not in English?! Ugh, I’m not gonna watch that!”
This story is part of the Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup!
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(I work at an store that sells teaching materials. A guy comes in. Keep in mind I was the only person in the store at the time.)
Me: “Hello! Can I help you find anything today?”
Customer: “Yes, I’d like to get an algebra book for my nephew.”
Me: “Okay.
(I show him the algebra books, and we make small talk about his nephew…)
Customer: “I can see the divine light in you.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “I went up to the mountain and Jesus burned the sins out of me. I couldn’t see anything except fire. Now I can see the divine light in people. You have it. You are pure and innocent.”
Me: *trying not to be completely freaked out* “Huh…heh…”
Customer: “I can see it…you are immortal!”
Me: “Okay…”
(Later, when my boss came back and I told her about this, she laughed and told me that according to this guy she was a Demon Slayer. I felt kind of swindled.)
(Girl walks up to the desk looking around, confused. It is Ash Wednesday, and I work at a Catholic university.)
Me: “Can I help you?”
Girl: “Yes, can I ask you a question?”
Me: “Sure.”
Girl: “Why does everyone have crosses on their foreheads?”
Me: “…it’s Ash Wednesday.”
Girl: “Oh. I thought they were part of a cult or something.”
A customer walks in.
Me: “Hi, how are you tonight?”
Customer: “Have you prayed today?”
Me: “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
Customer: “You better pray or you’ll go to Hell.”
Me: “Wow, okay.”
Customer: “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for you.”
Me: “FOR ME! FOR ME! FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” *awesome air guitaring, a la Queen*
(The customer walked out. This was one of those crazy regulars who come in for whatever and are always talking about Jesus. If anybody else had been in the store, I wouldn’t have done the Queen thing, but it was too much to pass up.)
