Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

I, For One, Welcome Our New Plastic Overlords

, , , , , | Learning | January 2, 2024

I teach technology, and my middle schoolers are a rambunctious, excitable lot with a large number of… abstract plans. And since this class requires us to be up and around the room doing various activities, I don’t always catch these plans in action. 

One day, after lunch, I notice five or six students in my classroom that I don’t have in any of my classes and have never met before. They’re — and I cannot fully express how weird this is — bowing down to something and chanting. 

Me: “I’m sorry, who are you, and why are you worshipping my robotics cabinet?”

Student #1: “We’re here to worship.”

Me: “Yes, I see that. Why?”

Student #2: *Giggling* “We’re here to worship.”

I kicked them all out and discovered an inflated plastic ziplock bag sitting on my shelf, with a face drawn on it. I picked it up, and since it had food in it and I didn’t want ants in the robotics equipment, I threw it away. And then I said yet another thing I never expected to say in my life. (I have a lot of these; it comes with the territory.)

Me: “Class, please don’t start cults in the tech lab.”

That’s the way it goes, I guess. You try to be a good teacher, and you end up being the temple guardian to a lesser deity.

The Preacher’s Strife

, , , , , , , , | Right | December 30, 2023

Back in the summer of 2015, I am working at a nursing home where I am a housekeeper. Basically, my duties involve going into every resident’s room in my section to sweep, dust, mop, and clean the toilet, tile floor, shower, sink, and mirror.

This particular facility has four wings with twenty rooms each, and I have other miscellaneous duties that aren’t relevant to this story. If a resident has recently vacated, their room is given a “deep clean” to make the room available for a new resident as soon as possible.

The point is that it’s a lot of work to get through in an eight-hour shift, and while we housekeepers will have short conversations with the occasional guest or resident as we work, we don’t particularly have time to chat with random people.

One day, I am in the middle of a deep clean, scrubbing basically every surface of an empty room that I can manage. The cart I am using is in front of the open doorway to block it and to indicate that it is, in fact, not to be entered without good reason.

I am on my knees, scrubbing at a particularly stubborn spot on the floor — I make a conscious effort NOT to think about what certain stains may or may not be — when a pair of wingtip shoes comes into my vision.

This confuses me; as far as I have been concerned at this point, the fact that the cart is blocking the doorway should be a universal message: “Don’t come in; the room is being cleaned.”

I quickly run through the possibilities in my head of who these wingtips belong to, but none of the people who I think of would just rudely come into the room without at least announcing themselves. So, after only a second, I look up to see a stranger.

He looks friendly enough. He’s wearing a white shirt, tie, dress pants, and glasses — and, I notice, he has a Bible in one hand. The stranger opens his mouth to say something — I assume to introduce himself and start preaching about one thing or another — but I interrupt, and I’ll admit in hindsight that I could have been more diplomatic.

Me: “What are you doing in here?”

Stranger: *Pauses for a moment* “Oh, well, I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time—”

Me: *Interrupting again and pointing at the door* “No, you can’t. Get out.”

The stranger frowns at me here like a disappointed dad. I can tell, from personal experience of growing up in a Baptist God-fearing household, that I’m about to be lectured at best and browbeaten at worst. Southern politeness be d***ed, I am in no mood to give him the chance. So, I stand up.

I’m a six-foot-tall, 250-pound man and not exactly in the best of shape, but I can only guess that the stranger assumed I was a kindred spirit since he doesn’t seem to like that I’m not allowing him to treat me like some child.

Me: *Quietly* “With all due respect, I’m busy. I have a lot to do, and this is the last time I’m repeating myself: Get. Out. Of this room. Now.”

The stranger, obviously flustered, huffs, grumbles, and then stomps out of the room. I have the distinct feeling this won’t be the last I’ll hear of him, but I still go right back to work as soon as I push the cart he moved out from the doorway back to where I had it before.

Sure enough, ten minutes later, my supervisor politely knocks on the door frame, and when I look around to see him, I also see the stranger looking smug over his shoulder. Internally sighing, I stick my mop into the bucket and step up to my cart.

Me: *To [Supervisor]* “Yes, sir?”

Supervisor: “Hey, [My Name], I’ve been told by Mr. [Stranger] that you were rude to him, and he was insistent that I speak to you, ‘right now’.”

I take great care not to look at [Stranger] as I explain that I was in the process of deep-cleaning, and [Stranger] had walked in unannounced to try and preach at me. I neither deny my snappishness nor show any shame for what I said.

[Supervisor] nods along, not looking too surprised. I find out later that [Stranger] has a habit of stopping CNAs and nursing staff to give them long spiels about his faith, but this is the first time he has basically trespassed into a work zone. Somehow, this is the first time I’ve seen him; perhaps he usually keeps to a different wing of the facility.

After giving me a smile, [Supervisor] tells me to get back to work and politely but firmly escorts [Stranger] away. It isn’t until an hour later when I get on my break that I ask [Supervisor] what happened.

Apparently, [Stranger] was on his fourth last warning for bothering workers. The facility director was good friends with [Stranger] and his family, so [Stranger] often only got a finger-wagging and face-saving talking-to after all the times he was a nuisance. However, for reasons unknown to me, that director was recently replaced, and the new director is a stranger to [Stranger].

After the new director was given the story from [Supervisor], corroborated by the hallway security camera showing [Stranger] clearly walking up to my cart, looking into the room, and then moving the cart to go inside without permission, only to stomp back outside a minute later and nearly run into an old woman on crutches, [Stranger] was promptly banned from the facility, with threats of police if he was seen on the property again, and was escorted out of the building.

Supervisor: “He tried to get me to punish you for being rude to him, but — and [New Director] agreed with me — if I had been in your shoes, I’d have probably said a lot worse than ‘Get out.’ I did finally get a chance to speak my mind, though, when [New Director] gave me permission.”

Me: “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear.”

I personally think it should be noted here that [Supervisor] is a very kind man, though he can be tough when needed. He resembles a young Steve Harvey, complete with mustache, and has arms like a prime Mike Tyson. To this day, I don’t know what [Supervisor]’s backstory is, but he said something to me that has stuck with me, almost ten years later.

Supervisor: *Smiling with very white teeth* “You ain’t gotta cuss a man out to say something that cuts deep, [My Name]. Sometimes you just gotta tell it how it is and say what somebody needs to hear, especially if they don’t like it. And I said exactly what I needed to say to [Stranger] when I got my chance. He left without a peep.”

He never elaborated on what exactly he’d said to [Stranger], but from what I heard from the receptionist who saw him leave with security, he was “rather spooked”.

I never saw [Stranger] again, and I can only hope he learned his lesson.

Not The Best Way To Keep The “Christ” In “Christmas”

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 25, 2023

It’s Christmas morning, and my husband and I are sitting in the living room sipping our coffee when there is a knock on the door. It’s a woman in very conservative attire. I am in my pajama shorts and a tank top with no bra. She takes this in and blushes, looking away.

Me: “Hello?”

Woman: “Merry Christmas, sister in Christ!” *Tries to hand me a pamphlet* “Will we be seeing you at the service today?”

Me: “Oh. No, thank you, we aren’t interested in church. Have a wonderful day, though, and Merry Christmas.”

I close the door, but before I can sit back down, she knocks again. 

Woman: *Through the door* “The Lord wants you at church!”

Me: “And I want you off my property!”

Woman: *Knocking louder* “Miss, please, the Lord loves you and—”

Me: “I will answer that door as naked as your God made me!”

Husband: “Oh! Knock! Do it!”

The woman finally left, but not without putting a pamphlet in the door frame, a second under the wiper on my car, and a third in the mailbox. They were for a church miles away, one known locally for (allegedly) pressuring women into being unquestionably subservient to their husbands, and for (allegedly) looking the other way when a wife had an opinion and later showed up with a bruise or two.

Sounds Like Your Aunt Has Some Irreconcilable Differences

, , , , , , , , , , | Related | December 25, 2023

My husband and I recently quietly divorced, but we have agreed to remain friends and co-parent our teenage child.

At the next Christmas dinner, my hyper-religious aunt waits until everyone is seated to ask why we aren’t wearing our wedding rings. Our son looks uncomfortable and I am ready to slap her into next week, but [Ex-Husband] puts his hand over mine and squeezes gently.

Ex-Husband: “We don’t want to.”

Aunt: “Why?”

Ex-Husband: “Because we choose not to.”

Aunt: “But why? Unless you divorced and didn’t tell anyone, you should wear your rings!”

She gives me a triumphant look as if she has caught me in some big lie and she is just waiting for me to confess. We have told people; we just haven’t made a big deal out of it given the reason for our divorce. [Ex-Husband] has a death grip on my fist now, willing me to be quiet and still.

Ex-Husband: “We did divorce, [Aunt].”

Aunt: “Sinners! You know our Lord and Savior does not allow divorce!”

I laugh.

Aunt: *In an over-dramatic tone* “How can you be laughing? Why would you stray so far from the Lord? A divorce! What could be so bad that you could not mend your marriage?”

Ex-Husband: “Well, we both like men.” *Looks down the table* “Can somebody pass the cranberry sauce?”

[Aunt] looked like she would faint on the spot. The meal carried on with [Aunt] glaring at us every once in a while. She hasn’t said a word to me or [Ex-Husband] in years. Honestly, it’s quite nice.

Witness The Hint

, , , , , | Friendly | December 20, 2023

When I was a child (in the wild seventies), there were a lot of Jehovah’s Witnesses going around our neighborhood. Since my brothers and sisters and I were still small enough to sleep during the day, my mother didn’t want us to be woken or be bothered by unappreciated attempts to convert us, so she put a little sticker on the door that said, “Jehovah’s Witnesses, don’t ring the doorbell.”

And everything was peaceful. 

One afternoon, my mother was working in the house and heard a strange noise that she couldn’t place. It wasn’t loud, and as she was busy, she kept working.

After some time, she kept hearing the same sound, so she started an investigation. Soon, she found that the sound was coming from the front of the house — more specifically from the front door. The sound became a noticeable knock.

It turned out to be a Jehovah’s Witness obeying my mother’s sign not to ring the doorbell; he was knocking on the door to get attention.

My mother sent him off.

Forty years later, the sign is still there. Nobody ever knocked again.