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Airtight Conclusions For Windbags

, , , , , | Right | January 15, 2009

(A customer comes in attempting to return a worn, filthy $39 dress that’s covered with hair.)

Me: “Our company’s policy states that we cannot return worn merchandise. I’m sorry, but we can’t give you your refund.”

Customer: “I never wore this. I want my money back.”

Me: “Ma’am, the dress is stained with your makeup, and has your hair on it. I refuse to take this item back.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your store manager.”

Me: “I am the store manager.”

Customer: *takes a few steps back* “Look at me. I’m dressed head to toe in your clothing. I make more money in a year than you will in a lifetime.”

Me: “That may be so, but I’m still not taking your dress back. It seems that the price shouldn’t be an issue for you.”

Customer: “You don’t know who I am. You’ll be lucky to have a job in the morning!”

Me: “If you earn as much as you say, wouldn’t my year of unemployment cost more out of your income taxes than the price of the dress?”

Customer: *storms off*

Redemption Is Futile

, , | Right | December 29, 2008

Our store is closing down for good.

Customer: “I want money for this.” *holding up a gift certificate*

Manager: “I’m sorry, but we can’t give you money back for that.”

Customer: “But someone gave YOU money for this; I want MONEY for it.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. Our store is closing. I can talk to Corporate and see if they can do something for you, but it’s Sunday and they’re not open today.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! This is horrible customer service. I’m never shopping here again!”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. We’re closing.”

All Signs Point To Duh

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cashback. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”

Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”

Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have signs up.” *I point to two of these signs*

Customer: “Well, I’m illiterate, so I couldn’t know! Now give me my f****** money!”

Me: “As I said, I am sorry, but I can only do it as credit.”

Customer: “But, there was no way I could know that when I bought them! I’m illiterate!”

Me: “Well, there was no way we could know that when you bought them. Perhaps you could get a sign?”


This story is part of the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Read the next Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup story!

Read the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Same Disgusting Difference

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2008

Customer: “I need to return these bladder control pads. They won’t work for me.”

Me: “Sorry, you can no longer return anything of that nature to this store.”

Customer: “Why?!”

Me: “Not only has it been opened, but you used a pad and put it back in the package.”

Customer: “I didn’t use it! I only tried it on!”

Even Managers Have A Stupid Quota

, , , , , , | Right | October 8, 2008

(A young, angry-looking woman is standing at the pharmacy counter with a small pile of white sticks.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, these pregnancy tests are all faulty. I want a refund.”

Me: “Okay. So, what happened? Were they broken or missing pieces?”

Customer: “No, they keep saying positive. I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Um… okay. So, if you’re not pregnant, then why get the tests?”

Customer: “Get your manager!”

Me: *gets manager*

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

(I wander off at this point, called into the vitamins section. When I come back, security is taking the woman out of the store.)

Me: “What the…?”

Manager: “Twit. She just wanted her money back. I hope she has twins that cause a LOT of pain and are ugly. REAL ugly… and poop a lot!”