I work at the customer service desk in a grocery store. Recently, the lottery payout was at almost $2,000,000,000. I had a gentleman come to my window and purchase almost $1,200 in tickets. He made a joke I’ve heard a million times over.

Customer: “If I don’t win, I get my money back, right?”

He even said this while laughing and smiling. I gave him a generic polite smile, and he went on his way.

They drew the numbers the following day, and I heard that someone in California had won. I showed up to my shift, and it seemed to be a normal shift. That was until the gentleman came back. Despite one of my coworkers offering him assistance, he said he wanted to talk with me. I finished with the customer I was with and waved him over.

Before I could greet him he slammed down his pile of tickets, receipt included.

Customer: “Okay, missy, I didn’t win anything! You said if I didn’t win, I would get my money back, so I am here for my full refund!”

I was slightly taken aback. I was trying to figure out if he was being serious or not, and after a moment, I realized he was.

Me: “Sir, regardless of winning or not, all sales on any lottery tickets are final.”

Customer: *Screaming* “NO, NO, NO! You said it yesterday! If I didn’t win, I get my money back! Now refund me before I call the cops and tell them you stole all my money!”

Me: *Calmly* “I understand that you are upset that you lost, but no one has stolen your money. This is just how the lottery system works.”

I could see he was getting more upset and not wanting to hear what I had to say. This was when it became one of those “I don’t get paid enough” moments. He had started getting more and more upset, so he decided to start knocking over a nearby display of candy and glass soda and beer bottles while shouting about how we had stolen his money. I had enough of this and called for both management and security.

Management ended up calling the police while security detained the man, and he ended up causing more than $350 in damages. It was definitely an interesting one.

I sell safety supplies online to corporate accounts. This guy called in and made up a company name so he could get to me in sales. He then wanted me to agree that a four-gas monitor (used for personal safety to detect LEL, H2S, CO, and O2 gases) could be used to prove that kids wearing face masks was making them sick and was bad for them.

Guy: “I saw it on YouTube!”

Me: “Sir, folks wear [filtering] masks all day every day, that they are fine. Besides, that is not what these monitors are designed for.”

Guy: “Well, I still want one. I want to disrupt the next teacher/parent meeting at my kids’ school!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not going to help you purchase an expensive piece of equipment for the wrong usage.”

I knew he would try to get a refund after his stunt. He continued to argue, so I gave him the manufacturer’s phone numbers so he could bother them instead.

Sure enough, he ordered the monitor online, used it, and then tried to return it. Now he has a $800 paperweight.

We offer different shipping types on our website, one of which is [Shipping Company] overnight. I got a call from this real gem of a human being, who was very upset.

Caller: “I ordered [adult novelty item] on Friday, and I paid for overnight shipping, and it wasn’t delivered until Wednesday! I paid [amount] for overnight shipping, and I want a refund!”

She screamed at me for a while, and I managed to look up her order.

Me: “Ma’am, first, we are not open on weekends, and we had Tuesday off because it was July 4, a federal holiday. Second, the order was placed at 11:50 pm on Friday evening. It looks like your order was prepped and shipped on Monday as usual.”

Most of us know that when a business is closed, they can’t pack up an internet order and ship it, and unless you pay a ton extra, most shipping services don’t deliver on weekends.

My explanation immediately set her on another tirade. Once she got it out of her system, I explained that there were no deliveries on a federal holiday, and the screaming began again. The whole time, I could hear a man in the background asking her to ease up and listen.

She hung up after discovering I was not refunding anything because she has absolutely no grip on reality. Then, we immediately blocked her phone number and email address.

All over an adult novelty item.

I work in a call center for a credit card company. An older woman calls in to dispute a charge for a mattress on her credit card.

Caller: “I shouldn’t be charged because I haven’t signed for the item!”

Me: “Do you still have the mattress?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “So, you’ve attempted to return the mattress and they refused to pick it up?”

Caller: “No, I don’t want to return the mattress. I need the mattress; my old mattress had bedbugs. But I didn’t sign the receipt, so I’m not paying for it.”

Me: “So, you have the mattress, and you’re using the mattress, but you don’t feel you should be charged for it?”

Caller: “No! I didn’t sign the receipt! It’s illegal to charge me for it.”

It turned out that she had ordered a new mattress because she had bedbugs but hadn’t taken care of the bedbug problem first. When the delivery men got there, they couldn’t install the mattress because there were still bedbugs in the house. They left the mattress in the hallway with the order slip, which she had not signed, and later in the day, she put in the new mattress herself.

A woman comes up to me with her toddler and slams one of those children’s toy phones on the counter.

Mother: “This isn’t working!”

Me: “Did you put in the batteries provided, ma’am?”

Mother: “Yes, but it’s not sending any texts, and I can’t find the phone number!”

Me: “Ma’am… this is a toy phone. It can’t make real calls or texts.”

Mother: “That’s false advertising! Why are you selling fake phones?!”

Me: “It’s a toy phone for children, ma’am. It should be clear that it’s not a real phone.”

Mother: “Well, it wasn’t clear to me! I want a refund and an apology!”

Me: “I apologize that you thought a $3.99 bright yellow plastic phone with giant colorful number buttons and no screen was a real phone.”

Mother: “You’re trying to be funny, aren’t you?! I want to speak to your manager!”

My manager is called, and she thankfully deals with the mother and the refund. When it’s all done, my manager comes over to me. 

Manager: “The weirdest part for me is wondering what kind of phone conversation she was expecting to have with her toddler.”