A customer is arguing with my manager about getting a refund.

Manager: “Where is the food you’d like to get refunded, sir?”

Customer: “I ate it!”

Manager: “I’m afraid we can’t refund food you already ate, sir.”

Customer: “Why?”

Manager: “We need the food back if we want to refund it.”

Customer: “Well, what if I can get it back?”

Manager: “Sir, I can think of two ways you could achieve that, but I am interested in neither. Next time, don’t eat the food if you want it refunded. Goodbye.”

I’m working at a backpacking store while I’m in college, and I sell a woman a pair of Gore-Tex-lined hiking boots.

Customer: “I’m going camping this weekend by the river, but I’ve never spent any time in the woods. These will help, right?”

Me: “The boots are technically waterproof, but that only really matters for rain, not walking into a river.”

The following Tuesday rolls around, and she comes in with the boots in the box.

Customer: “I want a refund.”

Me: “What was the problem?”

Customer: “They have a lifetime guarantee, don’t they?”

Me: *Repeating* “What is the problem?”

She opens the box, and it is clear that she got the boots wet and tried to dry them next to the fire. They were obviously too close, and the back quarter of both boots is burned and melted.

Me: “I cannot give you a refund.”

Customer: *Getting loud* “Call the manufacturer! Get me my refund!”

Okay, I’ll bite.

I call the boot manufacturer and explain the situation to the customer service representative (in front of the customer). The customer service rep laughs out loud, to the point that the customer can hear it.

I hang up and step back to the customer.

Me: “They will not be replacing the boots.”

Customer: “Ugh! Fine! Just throw them away for me, then!” 

Me: “No, thank you. I don’t want my store to smell like burned nylon, leather, and rubber.”

I was working at the customer service desk, and somebody brought in a package of underwear.

Customer: “I’d like to exchange these.”

We thought the package was still sealed, and we ALMOST agreed to the exchange. But then, my general manager looked closer.

They noticed that the package had been opened… and there was a MASSIVE poop streak on one of the pairs of underwear.

I worked in an outdoor store. A woman came in with her sister and kid in tow to return a pair of Ugg-like boots she had bought through our online store. When we took a look at them, we found that they had been cut open from top to bottom.

Customer: “I had to cut them because I could not get out of them otherwise!”

It took the assistant manager, the store manager, and me almost an entire hour and a half to make it clear to the woman that she had ruined the boots to the point that they were unusable and unsellable.

She still left upset calling us liars and scammers for not giving her any money back. Her poor kid looked like he was used to her behaviour and was happily playing on a phone the entire time.

I worked at a mall shop that sold adult toys. We had a policy that any sex paraphernalia could not be returned after the package was opened, for obvious reasons.

We had someone come in with a vibrator that they had haphazardly tucked back into the packaging. Even with it closed, the smell was intense.

We refused the return, and we had to threaten them with security before they finally left.

And we sanitized the counter really well after that.