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Sounds Like He’s Polishing A Turd

, , , , , , , | Right | February 9, 2023

I work as a manager in a small perfumery. A guy no older than twenty approaches the counter and slams a bottle of perfume on it, making everything shake.

Me: “Can help you?”

Customer: “I want to complain and get a refund!”

Me: “All right, what’s your complaint?”

Customer: “I bought this perfume a week ago. One of your employees told me it was going to cover up most smells and make me smell of pine, and yet when I went to a party yesterday, everybody told me I smelt like somebody had taken a s*** in a pine yard and made fun of me all night!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir, but we cannot refund you, only offer you a different perfume in exchange for the old one.”

Customer: “Don’t bother! I want my money back; I have no use for perfumes that can’t make up for skipping showers!”

If It’s Not Actively Poisoning You, It’s “Friendly”, Right?

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2023

I was writing a money-back webpage for a major “eco-friendly” household cleaner brand. The client was explaining their refund process.

Client: “If a consumer wants their money back, they have to visit our site where they’ll download a printable refund form. We’ll give them an address where they can send their completed form, along with the original receipt.”

Me: “Wouldn’t it be easier to have them submit the form online?”

Client: “Well, honestly, we don’t want to make the refund process easier. That would result in more refunds.”

Me: “Right. But we are a ‘green’ brand, right? Seems odd that an eco-responsible company is asking consumers to print out a paper form and then send it through snail mail.”

Client: “Well, we’ve done this before and nobody complained, so it should be fine.”

You Burst Her Bubble (Tea)

, , , , , , , , | Right | February 7, 2023

I work for a bubble tea shop. Bubble tea is a flavoured milk or tea drink that usually comes with tapioca balls — the “bubbles” — and in our place, we add them by default unless asked to remove them or replace them with another item.

A customer I have just served comes up to me and slams her drink on the counter.

Customer: “What the f*** is this?! Your drink is rotten!”

Me: “What do you mean, ma’am? The milk is fresh, and the flavoring is powdered.”

Customer: “Your milk has curdled! It’s full of disgusting lumps!”

Me: “Those are tapioca balls, ma’am. They’re part of the drink.”

Customer: “They’re disgusting! I didn’t ask for this disgusting Asian s***!”

Me: *Trying to ignore the casual racism* “Ma’am, they’re a major part of the bubble tea experience, and they’re mentioned on the menu and when you order from us. If you like, I can remake your drink without the tapioca.”

Customer: “I want a refund and a free drink!”

Me: “You’re not getting a refund.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “The same reason you don’t get a refund in [Fast Food Chain] when you order a burger and you didn’t want the patty.”

Customer: “Well… that’s not fair! I don’t know all this Asian crap!”

Me: “Our menu is in English.”

Customer: “I’m going to write a bad review online about you!”

Me: “Woman complains that her bubble tea contains bubbles. Can’t wait to read it.”

She stormed out, minus her drink. No bad review ever appeared.

The Text Is Small, But The Entitlement Is Large

, , , , , , | Right | January 31, 2023

A woman comes in complaining about how a business card she herself designed (NOT us) online has text that’s too small to read, and she immediately blames us even though all we do is click and print things.

I take a look at the original file she had and notice that her screen is very zoomed in on the design, so obviously, the text size she’s seeing isn’t going to match the final product.

Me: “You see, your screen is zoomed in right now on your phone. Compare that to the card that’s in my hand right now; you can see the confusion as to why the text seems so small.”

Customer: “Well, this isn’t my fault! Clearly, you guys did something wrong when you printed it out. I want to get a refund on this order!”

Me: “Ma’am, all we are given is the file to print out and then cut. We do not have the capability to make edits or do anything weird like that. I’m sorry, but because the issue is on your end, you are not eligible to get a refund on this order.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know the font size wouldn’t match what’s on the card?!”

Me: “Let me ask you this. You designed this yourself, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And you added the text yourself and paid attention to the point size, correct?”

Customer: “Yes. I even laid out the text inside a text box. I also saw that it was poking outside the work area, so I took the corner and dragged it inward so it would fit within the box!”

She shrunk the text down even smaller to make it fit, basically.

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You put in the text yourself, typed everything out, and then willingly shrunk it down below the minimum size recommendation to make it fit, and you’re saying it’s our fault.”

Customer: “…I want to speak to your manager!”

I let the manager handle it, and they gave her the same information I had just finished explaining while I went to eat a sandwich on break. She never got a refund, and she threatened to call corporate just like 90% of other entitled customers in the country.

This Customer Really… *Sigh* …Takes The Cake

, , , | Right | January 26, 2023

A lady ordered a cake and got exactly what she asked for. She even admitted the cake was what she asked for, but…

Customer: “I want a refund; this cake doesn’t look the way I imagined it would. It’s for a teenager, but the icing color and flowers make it look like a little girl’s cake!”