We’re Not Clowning Around Here

, , , , | Legal | January 19, 2021

I am an amateur clown and my kids are begging me to teach them how to make balloon animals. I go to a big online retailer to find a balloon pump just like I have and order two from one of their marketplace sellers at $20 each. I receive two pumps that are of such poor quality and so cheap that I doubt even a dollar store would carry them. I message the seller immediately.

Me: “I received the balloon pumps. These are not the ones you have pictured or advertised.”

I include pictures of what I already had and what they sent.

Me: “You can see that what you sent is of extremely poor quality and would not last one party of balloon making. I would like for you to either send what I ordered and paid for or refund my money.”

Seller: “Oh, so sorry, friend, for the mixup. It would cost much to send back; how about we give you $1 off of each?”

Me: “$2? Are you kidding? They aren’t even worth that.”

Seller: “Okay, friend. We did send you two balloon pumps. To keep you happy, how about $10 off the order? Is that good, friend?”

I’m really annoyed.

Me: “First off, I am not your friend. I am a customer, and a very unhappy at one at that. Second and most importantly, you did not send me what I bought. I have sent you pictures and the information you need to prove that. I want a full refund, and if you send me a return label, I will send it back. If you do not refund my money, I will open a complaint of fraud against you with [Online Retailer]. You cannot advertise one item and then send some cheap knockoff and expect a customer to just accept that.”

They never responded, but my money was refunded. I did report them to the retailer and left a detailed review of the product, warning others to be careful who they buy from. I saw later that the seller was removed from the marketplace after several negative reviews.

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Returner Burner: The Store Card Scandal

, , , , | Right | January 13, 2021

A customer comes in with a pair of sunglasses to return with no receipt and no tag. There isn’t any brand name on them and no identifying marks or numbers. While I’m looking on our website for the sunglasses (for the UPC number), the customer interrupts me. 

Customer: “Can’t you just look them up from my card?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That is why I have to find the item number, to search for it in your card history.”

Customer: “But my card is right here.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand. I’m trying to find the item so we can search for it on your card. It doesn’t give us a list of all your transactions.”

After I spend about fifteen minutes looking through about two-hundred different sunglasses, none of them is a match. This means we don’t carry them anymore or we never have.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t seem to carry these glasses anymore, which means I can’t do the return without the receipt or the tag.”

Customer: “But you guys told me when I got this [Store] card that I could return things without a receipt as long as it was on my card! I want to speak to the manager!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. But that is if I am able to identify the item you are returning, which I cannot do. If you’d like, you could call the card customer service and they’d be able to look at all of your transactions and find the UPC number for you since they have access to more information than I do.”

Customer: “I still want your manager. This is ridiculous.”

I called a manager over and she decided to take out her own personal phone and call the card company for the customer. Of course, they wanted to talk to the customer because she had all of the information that they needed — birthday, social security, etc.

She threw the phone back at my manager when she was done talking so that my manager could write the UPC number down for her. We were finally able to do a return, even though we could not be sure that the UPC number even matched the item. The customer then looked at me and said, “And YOU wanted ME to do that!”

Next time, leave the tag on or have the receipt if you want a flawless return!

A Different Kind Of Returner Burner
Returner Burner, Part 8
Returner Burner: International Edition
Returner Burner: On Location
Returner Burner Until Burning Point

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She Has Plenty Of Gas In The Opinion-Tank

, , , , , | Right | January 12, 2021

I am a manager working with some inventory in the back when a coworker walks up and says I need to speak with a customer about an order.

Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I came in and ordered food here this morning and they forgot one of my sandwiches.”

Me: “Can I see the receipt, ma’am, and can you tell me what sandwich was missing?”

Customer: “Sure.”

She hands me a receipt that shows she ordered over fifty dollars’ worth of food and they missed one of her seven sandwiches.

Me: “All right, would you like me to replace the sandwich now, refund you for the sandwich, or put you down for a free sandwich some other time convenient for you?”

We keep a book of missing items with customer names and what they were missing, and they can come back later and we’ll replace what is in the book for them.

Customer: “I had to go through a lot of trouble since I was missing a sandwich. I want the whole order replaced and a full refund; plus, I live far away so I expect you to pay for my gas, as well.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can only refund or replace the one sandwich you were missing. At best, I can give you a cookie for your trouble.”

Customer: “That’s unacceptable. I live thirty minutes away and should be compensated for my gas, as well. And I want the idiot girls who handled my order fired and anyone who handled my food fired.”

She goes on to explain to me, a young eighteen-year-old, that every one of the younger generation are idiots and lazy and we MUST fire them all now. This goes on for over ten minutes as I try to talk some sense into this lady.

Eventually, she leaves with a sandwich and a cookie and grumbles that we will hear from corporate about this. Afterward, the coworker who originally came to get me walks up. 

Coworker: “I am honestly impressed that you were able to keep your cool and talk civilly to that lady! I only talked to her for thirty seconds and I wanted to strangle her.”

Me: “Yeah, I kind of wanted to strangle her, too, but unfortunately, that’s not allowed.”

The owner told me that she did file a complaint to corporate, but that she was basically laughed off, especially when they heard she wanted gas money from them.

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Engines (Not) At The Ready

, , , , | Right | January 7, 2021

When we do returns on engines, we have a simple rule with anything gas-powered: no gas and no oil.

Me: “Hello, sir, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have one of the engines I bought from your store in Alabama. I was wondering if I can do the refund now before I bring it in?”

Me: *Visibly confused* “I’m sorry, sir, is it in Alabama?”

Customer: “No, it’s out in the truck. Can I get my refund?” 

Me: *Pause* “No, sir, I need to see the product to make sure there is no gas and oil in it.” 

Customer: *Now annoyed* “You’re not listening to me! I just need my refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I cannot do it.”

Customer: *Now more annoyed* “Okay, what do I need to do to get my refund?!”

Me: “No gas. No oil. And it has to be in the store.”

The customer leaves, pissed. A manager is close by.

Manager: “Everything okay? What happened?”

Me: “He tried to get a refund on an engine without it being in the store, and it’s still full of gas and oil.” 

Manager: “Oh, you’re good, then!”

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A Fee-ble Excuse For A Refund, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | January 6, 2021

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to know why my account is overdrawn.”

Me: “Sure, let me take a look at your account to see what’s going on.”

I look at the recent transactions and notice that the customer has recently done a lot of shopping at the mall.

Me: “Ma’am, it appears that there were a few recent transactions at the mall that caused your negative balance. I’d like to go over these transactions to make sure they’re not fraudulent.”

I then go over all of the transactions.

Customer: “Yes, those are all transactions I completed. Your online banking should have told me I didn’t have enough money. I want a refund!”

Me: “Ma’am, you are responsible for keeping track of your balances and transactions, as our online banking can only show you what the merchants send through to us. Sometimes transactions from certain merchants do not show up immediately.”

Customer: “You overcharged me! I want a refund!”

Worried that I overlooked an overdraft fee or other fee, I double-check the account.

Me: “Ma’am, I do not see that we charged you any fees for those transactions. Since they were debit card transactions, we do not charge overdraft fees for them.”

Customer: “Your online banking told me the wrong balance! I want you to compensate me!”

Me: “Ma’am, we cannot compensate you for anything as we did not charge you any fees. Again, you are responsible for keeping track of your balances and transactions. You are simply overdrawn and will either need to deposit funds to correct the negative balance or return some of the merchandise you’ve purchased. We have not charged you any fees and you will not incur any future fees unless a check or electronic payment attempts to come through.”


I contact the manager’s line and explain the situation.

Manager: *Laughs* “Yeah, there’s nothing we can compensate her for if we didn’t charge her fees. I’ll handle it.”

A Fee-ble Excuse For A Refund

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