A customer comes to the counter and seems pretty worked up.

Customer: “I want to speak with a manager!”

My manager walks up to the counter and the customer starts complaining about some ground beef he bought.

Customer: “They were the worst hamburgers I’ve ever tasted! That s*** was completely inedible!”

Before my manager can offer a refund (what we normally do for anyone with a return or complaint) the guys slaps his half eaten package of “ground beef” on the counter.

Customer: “Fix this!”

We all (my manager, a coworker, and myself) look at the package, slowly back up to the customer and then back down to the package. This is when I make my exit to the cooler because I can’t stop laughing.

His “ground beef” was one of those tubes of frozen dog food. My manager said once the customer realized what he had bought, he just turned around and walked out without saying another word.

Our department store is connected to a mall. There is one dude who works in the mall who really wants to date one of our young female coworkers. He doesn’t let the numerous times she has turned him down deter him in the slightest, so he pops by regularly to try and chat with her, ask her out, and be shooed off by her manager.

One day, he comes in to return a sweater. My coworker is working returns and — always mindful of a chance to show how much she does not want to date him — says:

Coworker: “Oh, I’m glad you’re returning that! It is the last one in this area in that size, and my boyfriend’s birthday is next week, and I think he’ll really like it.” 

Suddenly, he decided he just had to keep the sweater despite his numerous complaints about it earlier.

I used to work in customer service at a major grocery store. We had all kinds of crazy return situations. We didn’t have any policy about returns, so we literally just accepted everything and offered the customer some sort of refund — even products clearly labeled by another grocery store!

Female Customer: *Complaining* “You sold me a bad chili pepper!”

She is holding up a single chili. It is partially sliced, but it looks fine. She doesn’t have a receipt, but I know chili peppers cost ten cents each, so I give her a dime back.

Female Customer: *Peeved* “Well, this pepper ruined a whole pot of chili!”

Me: “Sorry, but without a receipt, there’s nothing I can do.”

Female Customer: “Well, I can tell you right now, it all came out to about $20.”

Me: “I can’t just open the drawer and give you $20 based on good faith.”

She storms off in a huff. A couple hours later, an equally angry man shows up with a receipt. He slams it down on the counter, saying:

Male Customer: “Now you can see just how much damage it did!”

On the receipt, he’s circled the items involved in the chili and has written a total at the bottom. I start to process the return when I realize that there are several odd items included in this chili, including marshmallows and crackers! These items were written in that kind of grocery receipt shorthand, which I guess he was hoping I’d overlook.

Me: *Dumbfounded* “I need to call a manager to verify the transaction.”

The manager comes over and realises pretty quickly why I have called him over.

Manager: “Sir, unless you were making a s’mores chili pot with grapes and… uh… shaving cream, seriously, then I am not going to refund you all these items.” 

Of course, the man, fuming, snatched the receipt and left.

A while back, there was a type of film that was supposed to be user-friendly. Basically, it had a little counter on it. If the counter said one, the film was brand new. If it was two, the film was partially shot but not finished. Three meant that the roll was completed and ready to be developed. And four meant that the film had already been processed.

Of course, most people who used it didn’t get what the numbers meant, so it was common enough for me to explain it to them.

A customer came to my counter with about four rolls of this film, all set on four, showing that they had already been developed.

Customer: “I want these developed.”

Me: “Ma’am, see how these are set to four? That means they’ve already been developed. I can make reprints of the pictures, but that’s different pricing.”

Customer: “What? These rolls haven’t ever been processed.”

After trying to explain it to her a couple of times, she kept insisting that I was wrong but agreed to the reprint price anyway.

I ran her film, and an hour later, she was back in line waiting to pick up her pictures. After she paid:

Customer: *Screaming* “I already have these pictures! What did you do with my other film?!”

Me: “That was the film you brought in. I did try to explain that your pictures had already been processed.”

Customer: *Screaming* “You’re a thief! You stole my new pictures and replaced them with the old ones!”

Me: “Ma’am, how could I reprint pictures from film you say you didn’t bring in?”

I couldn’t even begin to rationalize with her, so I just brought my manager over. Sadly, she got her refund.

A family is returning a very nice computer case.

Me: “Can I ask if there was anything specifically wrong with it?”

Customer: “Uh… we just didn’t like it.”

Me: “Did it not work with your computer components? I can help you find an alternative if—”

Customer: “We thought it was the computer, okay?!”

Yup. It turns out they thought they were buying a complete computer for $59.99.