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Impatience Usually Produces Results Counter To What You Want

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: volcanodancer | October 11, 2021

I’m an electromechanical engineer. I was called out to deal with a set of faulty automatic gates. They had gotten stuck in the open position, and it was compromising the security of the building. My job was to find out what had caused them to stick open, fix it, and get them working again.

This particular manufacture of gates uses an encoder to tell the control panel where the gates are in their swing, and it turned out that kids had been riding them and had caused this to go out of calibration.

Recalibration was a simple two-minute job; I put a couple of traffic cones on each side of the gates and set the calibration going. During this process, the gates open fully and then close fully twice at about half the usual speed.

Enter [Woman]. She had parked her white Audi in the secure compound whilst the gates were open, and even though she was only allowed in there to load and unload into her shop, she regularly parked all day in a visitor’s space — totally against the terms of her lease.

I set the calibration going and the gates did their first swing totally open. At that point, [Woman] came out to her car and started her engine.

The gates started to close again, and [Woman] pulled out of her space like a nutjob and accelerated toward the gates, stopping just before the cones but revving her engine like she wasn’t pleased.

Seeing them closing, she pressed her fob button to get them to open, but of course, they were calibrating so they were totally ignoring all instructions from the fobs.

The gates closed fully. The lock mechanism engaged, and they started to do their second swing, at which point she started to roll forward, revving all the time. Just as she touched the cone with her car, she pushed it back and broke the infra-red safety beam, thus aborting the entire procedure and making the gates lock in a slightly open state.

She sounded her horn.

Woman: “Let me out!”

Me: “You caused the processor to fault. Those gates aren’t opening any time soon; it will be at least five minutes before I can restart the procedure as I have to power them totally down.”

I didn’t, but she didn’t know that. She proceeded to start shouting and getting angry, so I just said:

Me: “Sod you. I’m parked outside.”

I locked the control box, walked to my van with my tools in my pocket, and started driving away.

About two minutes later I got a call from the landlord of the building, pleading with me to go back and saying that [Woman] was really, really sorry.

I gave in. I went back and started the calibration again — but this time, I deliberately turned the speed on both motors to the lowest setting, so it took about ten minutes in total.

The woman never did apologise, and she still sped out like an idiot as soon as I moved the cones, but it gave me great pleasure knowing that my malice made her almost half an hour late.

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A Graphics Card? In THIS Economy?!

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: sunsepterpoe | October 11, 2021

I’m selling a computer online.

Buyer: “What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Nothing, just got married and don’t game anymore.”

Buyer: “Just read ‘no graphics card,’ man.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s why it’s $500 and not well over $1,000.”

Buyer: “Why is a graphic card so much? If you can get me a video card, I’ll buy it from you. I just need a full working gaming PC for my son.”

Me: “I’m not going to buy you a graphics card so you can buy my computer.”

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Too Bad Brains And Patience Are In Short Supply

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: MaiTai0427 | October 10, 2021

Me: “This is [Supply Company]. How can we hel—”

Caller: “How could you hang up on me?! I’ve been trying to get this order placed for the last thirty minutes with you, and we finally get to the payment, and we get disconnected, and you don’t even call me back?!”

Me: “I’m sorry that happened to you, but I wasn’t the one you were speaki—”

Caller: “I don’t care. Let’s just get this over with.”

Me: “All right, one moment.”

I search through the account that popped up via her phone number and there’s nothing from today. I’m dreading telling her that with every fiber of my being. I finally bite the bullet.

Me: “Sorry, there is nothing here from today.”

She immediately goes into a tirade about how incompetent we are and how she has never been so exhausted with a company. She demands to know how we can lose an order we just discussed fifteen minutes ago. This goes on for a solid minute.

Caller: “I demand to speak to the woman who hung up on me!”

Me: “The last agent you spoke to on [Day] was male.”

Caller: “I just spoke to a female agent fifteen minutes ago!”

Me: “Your last call was on [Day] with a male agent.

She’s so mad that she yells:

Caller: “Where are you calling me from?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you called me.”

She is so pissed off at this point that she goes silent.

Me: “Yes, you called me at [Supply Company].”

Caller: “Yes, I know that already. This is [Other Supply Com]— Oh, wait.”

She goes silent again.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, this isn’t [Other Supply Company].”

She hung up. I still whispered, “Have a nice day!”

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First Aid Doesn’t Come First

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Himabee | October 10, 2021

I was in the middle of serving a man and woman and their kid when our customer service worker made the announcement that she needed a first aider to go to the front of the store. That was my job as I was the only first aider in the store as far as I knew.

I called over my supervisor.

Supervisor: “Go ahead and attend the call. I’ll take you off the till and finish scanning the shopping.”

The man I was serving then decided to block me in behind my till with his trolly.

Man: “We’ve been waiting here for ages in this queue and our son is exhausted. You’re gonna finish this shop before you go for your break or whatever.”

Me: “I’m needed for a first aid call.”

But he wouldn’t budge and I couldn’t just barge past him. My supervisor kept demanding that I be let out, and every time, the man and his wife refused to let me go.

Wife: “You could have finished our shopping by now if you weren’t f****** around!”

Eventually, I gave up and just scanned through all their stuff as fast as I could with little care and then ran to the front of the store. Luckily, my colleague had attended the call and it was nothing serious, but man, imagine if someone had smashed their head on the floor!

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Poor Kid Never Stood A Chance

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: w0rd_nerd | October 9, 2021

I own a thirty-two-unit facility that houses felons who have finished their sentences and need some help returning to society. Each unit houses two clients. We do stuff like teach them computer skills and help them learn to cook, build a resume, and stuff like that.

At six am, my night manager calls me and tells me there’s a lady pounding on the front door, insisting she needs to talk to whoever is in charge. I tell him to give her my number.

Before I’m even off the phone with him, she’s calling me, and before I can even introduce myself, she goes OFF. She accuses me of kidnapping her son — this man is thirty-four and here 100% of his own free will — and forcing him to work for me. He doesn’t work for me; he works at the recycling center.

Lady: “As his mother, I need to see what kind of conditions he’s living in, but he refuses to let me visit. He would never refuse to see me unless he was under duress. I need you to come to the facility and unlock his door so I can go in and look around.”

Me: “That’s not going to happen. I’m not letting you into someone else’s home. You are not a resident. Your son is not the only person who lives in that space, and I would need permission from both your son and his roommate to let her in. You have no right to be there. Now, please get off of our property or we will have you trespassed.”

Lady: “How dare you?! If I’m not let into the room within ten minutes, I am going to call the cops and have you charged with kidnapping.”

Me: “Go ahead.”

And I hung up.

I wasn’t at the facility, but from the security cam footage, it appears that when the cops — that the lady called — showed up and she explained the situation to them, her son came to the door and told the cops he didn’t want to see her and that we didn’t kidnap him.

She went into a rage and attacked her son. He didn’t get hurt; he just backed up and slammed the door. The cops took her away.

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