About ten years ago, my friend and I go into an electronics store so he can look at a TV he preordered. I’m wearing a black “Slayer” T-shirt and some jeans. As my friend is waiting in line at customer service, I decide to wander around a bit. I am looking at the fridges, bored, when a man in his mid-forties walks up to me.

Man: “Can you help me buy a stove?”

Me: *Politely* “Oh, I’m sorry. I cannot help you. I don’t work here.”

I go back to just looking at some freezers when I hear the man cough really loudly.

Man: “Hey, boy, I said I need help. Do you want your commission or not?”

Me: “I don’t work here, man.”

I wave my hand around at my shirt.

Man: *Super angry* “How about I go get a manager?”

I have had it with this guy.

Me: “Yeah, go grab him. Maybe he can help you. Your head is so far up your a** that my voice must be muffled; I DON’T WORK HERE! I am not even remotely dressed as an employee, bro!”

He leaves and I wander over to the gaming section. A burly man in a blue [Store] shirt and [Man] come walking over.

Employee: “Umm, is everything okay over here?”

Man: “See? That’s the guy. Not such a tough guy now since I got your boss, huh?”

Employee: “Umm, sir, I’m not his boss. He doesn’t work here. He has a Slayer T-shirt on; that should have been a dead giveaway.”

Man: “But he looks like an employee!”

Employee: “Nope, not even close.”

Man: “Well, what are you going to do for me?!”

Employee: “How about this? I don’t remove you from the store for harassing another customer and you can finish shopping without further trouble. Is that doing something for you?”

The guy glared at me for forever until the employee gave up and asked him to leave.

I work for a collections job in a bank where I deal with people behind on their payments for retail services. One of the more common things I deal with is past dues on [Credit Card Company] cards. I get this lady on the phone who is irate.

Caller: “Your automated system won’t accept my payment!”

That’s normal; most people hit an extra button and type in the wrong account number or switch the expiration date up. I go through the normal business of collecting this payment — something like an $800 balance with $200 of it past due.

Me: “I can use a debit card or bank account information for the payment.”

Caller: “Card.”

She gives me her information and I pull up my screen to process it through. It gets declined. She loses her mind.

Caller: *Screaming* “How dare you decline my card?! I’ve been a customer for years! When I got this card, you said it would be accepted anywhere [Credit Card Company] is accepted, and that’s everywhere. And now you’re declining me!”

I sit there for a second and look at the card number she provided and then at her account number; they’re the same number.

Me: “Ma’am are you… trying to pay off your [Credit Card Company] card… with your [Credit Card Company] card?”

The answer was yes. What followed was a twenty-minute conversation about how you can’t pay off a credit card with the same credit card. She hung up after threatening to sue me personally for false advertising as, “[Credit Card Company] apparently isn’t accepted everywhere like you said!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 104
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 103
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 102
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 101
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 100

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “I placed an order online and there was a service added to my account that I didn’t order. What the f*** did you do?”

Me: “I’m so sorry for this mistake. I see you haven’t been charged yet, so I’d be more than happy to remove said service for you.”

Caller: “And I’d be more than happy to keep it!”

I’m confused because she seemed irritated it was on there.

Me: “Okay, I can leave it on there if you’d like, but you will be charged for it.”

Caller: “Why would I have to pay for something you f***** up?”

I’d like to reiterate that she placed this order online, and therefore, the only live person who had anything to do with her order was her. I double-check our website order entry; there’s no way to accidentally order this kind of service.

Me: “Because you would be receiving the service, ma’am.”

Caller: “Right, but I didn’t order it. You put it on there. Why should I have to pay?”

Me: “As I said, I apologize that there was a mistake while you placed an online order, but I cannot leave the service on your account unless you are paying for it.”

We go back and forth like this for about ten minutes or so, so if you want a more realistic version of the call, reread every part up to this a couple of times.

Caller: “Then just cancel my f****** order.”

Me: “I can definitely do that. One moment.”

Caller: “YOU AREN’T EVEN GOING TO TRY TO RETAIN MY BUSINESS?!”

Me: “As I’ve stated previously, I can remove the service and you won’t be charged, or I can leave it and you will be; there is no middle ground there. If you would like to cancel instead of one of those options, I can also do that.”

Caller: “Just f****** do it, then.”

She hung up on me, so I cancelled the order and noted the account well. I checked her account today, and guess who tried to pull the same crap with another representative not even two hours later?

In the middle of each month, we get bombarded with calls from people whose phone plans have been suspended for not paying them.

Customer: “I want to know why my phone is not working. I just paid my bills!”

Me: “One second, please; let me look into that for you.”

I look up his account.

Me: “Thank you for your patience. I see that your payment has arrived; however, that was for the bill due in January. Unfortunately, since your bill from February hasn’t been paid yet, your phone plan has been suspended.”

Customer: “But I just paid those bills. This is ridiculous.”

Me: “Yes, I see right here that you just paid a bill; however, you still have one that’s overdue by almost two months already.”

Customer: “Two months? It was due in February!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “How is that two months? It’s March!”

Me: “Sir, it’s the twelfth of April.”

Customer: “Oh… You’re right.”

After that, he was actually pretty nice, and we had a pleasant conversation. I even exempted him from the reactivation charges as he seemed genuinely sorry and I could sympathise with being so lost in time.

Caller: “Why is your company taking money out of my account every month?”

Me: “So, you don’t have a policy with us, but you are being charged every month. And you’d like the charges to stop?”

Caller: “That’s right! I don’t have a policy with you, so stop charging me!” *Pauses* “At least, I don’t think I have a policy with you. If I do have a policy with you, and you’re charging me, then that’s fine. But if I don’t have a policy and you’re charging me, well, I’m just not okay with that!”