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A collection of stories curated from different subreddits, adapted for NAR.

This Would Be Sweet If It Weren’t So Stupid

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: LongLiveMisanthrope | April 24, 2021

A customer comes up to my coworker.

Customer: “This set of lights smells, right?”

The guy looks at the box and sees that it says, “candy cane lights,” for being both red and white alternating. He chuckles.

Coworker: “No, these lights aren’t scented. They’re only called that because of the light pattern they produce.”

She gives him a confused look.

Customer: “No, it says it’s scented right here.”

She points to the text toward the bottom and reads it.

Customer: “’In candy scents.’ See, it’s scented, right?”

The text read, “Incandescent.” Apparently, she was completely serious and got really confused why my coworker was pronouncing it weird.

She’s Cooking Up A Scheme To Get Her Food

, , , | Right | CREDIT: GreenChorizo | April 23, 2021

The restaurant where I work is only open 8 am – 3 pm, and we take orders all the way up until we are closed. If someone places an order at 2:59 pm, we take it. If we are busy until closing time, I sometimes allow an order to be placed within a five-minute window after we are closed, though I only do it for carryout only.

If we have no new orders for the last half hour, I’m usually very firm on not accepting orders after 3 pm because the kitchen is cleaning up and putting things away.

Today was a very slow day. We had one customer who came in before two and was still there by three because he was waiting for his ride to come to get him. Between two and three, there are no other orders, and the kitchen staff is cleaning up and putting everything away. By 3 pm, they are putting on their coats and walking out the door.

A woman and her daughter come in a couple of minutes after closing.

Customer: “We’d like a table for two.”

Me: “We are closed, ma’am. Apologies for the inconvenience, but we are open 8 AM – 3 PM every day.”

Customer: “It’s only 3:03, you can’t serve us?”

All this while our head cook is walking out the door.

Me: “Our kitchen staff is literally leaving.”

I point at the cook who is heading to his car, then she points at the customer who had come in an hour before.

Customer: “But you’re serving that guy!”

Me: “He ordered forty-five minutes ago when we were still open, ma’am.”

Customer:*To her daughter* “Wait here.”

This lady then CHASES DOWN MY D** COOK! According to him, she asked him to come back and reopen the kitchen! Which definitely was unsuccessful because she came back and grabbed her daughter and left, while homeboy got in his car and drove off.

The Cancellation Window Went Straight Out The Window

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Electronic-Meeting93 | April 22, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel], this is [My Name], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hey man, got any rooms for tonight?”

Me: “Yes, the rate is [price] per night, which includes room rate and taxes/fees.”

Caller: “Okay, can I reserve a room for the night?”

Me: “You can, but I wouldn’t recommend it. You’re within the cancellation window and we won’t be selling out tonight.”

We have a 24-hour cancellation window, so you can’t cancel if you book the same day without paying the first night.

Caller: “So, I can’t? Why won’t you let me?”

I confirm that he can, so we spend the next five minutes making a guest profile and reservation. I remind him that he can’t cancel without penalty.

Me: “So, as previously stated, you’re within the cancellation window and cannot cancel tonight’s reservation. Are you sure you want to make it?”

Caller: “Yeah, see you in a couple hours!”

Fast forward three hours, the phone rings.

Caller: “Yeah, it’s me calling. I don’t need the room tonight after all, cancel my reservation.”

Me: “I’m happy to do so, but as discussed, you’re within the cancellation window, and your card will be charged for tonight’s stay.”

Caller: “Like h*** man! Give me your manager!”

Me: “My manager will be back Monday, 8 am. You can call her then.”

Caller: “You charge my card and I’ll sue you!”

Me: “Have a good night, sir.”

I know asking guests to listen is an exercise in futility, but when we are actively trying to save you money, why would you not listen?

She’s About To Go Atomic Blonde

, , , | Right | CREDIT: Puzzleheaded-Dirt-78 | April 20, 2021

My friend is a hairdresser by trade and works at a very upscale salon. I go to her myself and can attest to her being amazing. This salon has one customer who had been passed around from hairdresser to hairdresser, bullying every single one she sees. This woman is an absolute terror and has made three, count em’ THREE, separate hairdressers cry. The only reason she is still a client of the salon is that her mom is friends with the owner.

She is relatively young, maybe in her mid-twenties, with very long bottle-blonde hair (past her waist) that she insists to everyone who isn’t her hairdresser is her natural color (it is very much not). She goes to the salon religiously so no one will ever find out her secret shame. She blames her hairdresser for all her hair problems (many of which are the results of heavy bleaching, how much heat she uses on her hair, and her refusal to follow care instructions) and is never satisfied with anything.

For health reasons, everything shuts down in our state. They get a phone call as they’re closing up.

Customer: *Screaming* “You need to come and do my hair! My boyfriend can’t find out I’m not a natural blonde!”

Friend: “I’m afraid until the state allows us to re-open, I can’t—”

Customer: “You will lose your job!”

My friend refuses and despite the customer’s threats, she knows that the salon owner knows she’s too good at her job and has too loyal a customer base to fire her, so she thinks no more of it.

A few months later, when the salon reopens, lo and behold, who should appear in the appointment book! The day arrives and she shows up with her hair dyed JET BLACK (and not very well, either). My friend is shocked because this customer has always made such a big deal about being a blonde and how even though she gets her hair bleached she really is a natural blonde and just “enhancing her color a little.”

Friend: “So, what are we doing today?”

Customer: *Demanding* “You’re making me blonde again.”

Friend: “Uh, okay, that’s going to be a process. Getting dyed dark hair to blonde is usually something done in stages, so the hair has a chance to recover a bit between bleaching sessions to avoid breakage.”

Also, she has used black box dye, which is really hard to get out.

Customer: “No! I am going to be blonde when I leave here today or I am telling your boss that you see clients at home sometimes and getting you fired!”

My friend sometimes does a friend’s hair at home for a lower price because she’s a sweetheart, which her boss is fine with.

Customer: “It’s your fault I had to dye my own hair this color because my boyfriend would have SEEN MY ROOTS if I hadn’t done something!”

My friend is tired of her BS at this point but it’s a slow day, and she has time.

Friend: “If we make you blonde all in one go, your hair will be fried, and you’ll likely end up having to lose a lot of length.”

Customer: *Scoffing and rolling her eyes* “That’s never happened before, and my hair’s so healthy, I’m sure it will be fine if you don’t screw it up.”

Friend: “Then I recommend at least using [Product that helps prevent damage].”

Customer: “That’s a scam. You’re just trying to overcharge customers. I won’t pay for it.”

Friend: “Okay, but I am making sure several of my coworkers be witnesses that this is what you’re asking for.”

After that, my friend goes through the whole process of bleaching the customer’s hair. She has to do it several times, and she checks with her after each one that she’s absolutely sure she has to be all the way back to champagne blonde by the end of the day. She recommends stopping at some of the nice auburn or strawberry blonde shades in between for now, but the customer insists:

Customer: “My boyfriend hates my hair anything but my ‘natural’ blonde.”

With each bleaching, there’s more breakage and the hair feels worse. My friend knows the hair won’t survive this, but the customer absolutely refuses to let her stop. Eventually, at long last, my friend manages to get the customer’s hair to the required level, and so she starts to rinse it.

It starts breaking off in her hand; the length of her hair is melted, fried, and destroyed. My friend gets the bleach out and immediately conditions the ever-loving f*** out of it while explaining that exactly what she said would happen has happened.

Customer: “You must be exaggerating. I’m sure it’s fine.”

My friend wraps what’s left of the woman’s hair in a towel and takes her back over to her station where she shows her the problem; everything past a little beyond chin length is pretty much gone.

Customer: *Shrieks* “You incompetent b****! You must be operating without a license! This is a personal attack against me! You have a vendetta!”

My friend eventually calms her down.

Friend: “I’ll do my best to cut it so it looks decent for free.”

She even has the PERFECT cut in mind. It’ll suit this woman who likes to complain and “ask for the manager” perfectly.

My friend gives this customer the sharpest, most beautifully cut angled bob you’ve ever seen, blown out and styled to perfection. The customer starts crying because the cut makes her look forty.

She… wants to speak to the manager.

My friend gets the manager and the customer throws a fit.

Customer: “I’m going to sue! How dare you?! You did this to mock me!”

The boss then asked my friend for her side of the story. The other hairdressers backed her up and said that the cut was just her trying to make the best of what was left of the customer’s hair. Even the boss was sick of this customer by now, and she was forced to pay the huge sum of money owed for how much time was spent bleaching her hair (much of which was now gone) and left, swearing never to come back.

Her boyfriend (a cop) called up later and threatened to assault my friend for doing that to her hair “against his wishes,” and my friend told him if he tried anything, she was going to tell his superiors and every news agency in the city. Nothing further happened.

This customer’s behavior cannot be attributed to her boyfriend’s influence; she was like that long before they got together. She had been going to that salon since she was a teenager (the older stylists who’d been there a while told my friend stories of her antics) and had always been a terror.

There’s No Vaccine For Idiocy, Part 2

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: TomokataTomokato | April 19, 2021

I’m waiting in line at a pharmacy to get some over-the-counter sinus stuff. A man not wearing a mask is in front of me.

Pharmacy Tech: “Sir, can you please wear a mask?” *Offers him one.*

Customer: “I don’t need no mask. I got the shot. I got papers to prove it!”

With a triumphant flourish, he slaps a piece of paper on the counter.

Pharmacy Tech: “Good for you for getting the vaccine, sir! But you still need to wear a mask.”

He starts shoving the paper at everyone in the vicinity, demanding that they look at it.

Customer: “I don’t need no mask! I got the shot! Look! It says right here!”

I try to back away but alas, I’m not quick enough and I get a good look at the paper. It’s a printout that says:

Paper: “Today’s Date

Mr. [Name] got the Covod vaxine.

Signed, Doctor [Name]”

The typos really made it work. The tech is trying really hard not to laugh in this guy’s face.

Pharmacy Tech: “Sir, you must wear a mask or I won’t be able to serve you.”

He blustered a bit longer, threatening to call the “Vaccine Police” on her but she held firm. Eventually, he relented and wore one that he’d had in his pocket, presumably next to his “vaccine receipt.”

The entire farce was so absurd I wasn’t even annoyed at the waste of time. When he is finally gone I tell the tech:

Me: “You did an amazing job. Have you gotten many like him?”

Pharmacy Tech: *Weary. *****”No, he was the first.”

Her tone made it very clear she did not expect him to be the last. Thanks so much to all pharmacy workers for what you do!

There’s No Vaccine For Idiocy