My husband and I work at a car dealership together. One night after work, we stop at a grocery store to pick up dinner stuff. My husband is wearing a white shirt and red tie combo today, which is also what the produce managers at this chain of supermarkets wear.

An older guy comes up to him.

Guy: “HEY! You should know these avocados are bad.”

Husband: “Oh, yeah? Good to know. I will avoid them.”

Guy: “Well, I bought these avocados and they are crap!” *Holds up a bag* “I took them home, and now my wife is all over my a** about these d*** avocados!”

Husband: “Wow, that’s awful.”

Guy: “What are you going to do about it?!”

Husband: “Uh, I guess point you to that guy over there?”

He points to a manager stocking produce.

Guy: “You, uh… you don’t work here, do you?”

Husband: “Nope.”

Guy: *Long pause* “Sorry about the fuss. Don’t buy the avocados; they taste like s***.”

Husband: “Well noted, sir. Have a great day.”

It’s been our inside joke for sixteen years now: “THESE AVOCADOS ARE CRAP!”

I work in a restaurant. I’m wrapping up a party of three and a man at the table asks for a to-go cup. I look down and see his full water.

Me: “For your water?”

Man: “No, for my wife’s margarita.”

Me: “I can’t, sir. It’s illegal and I could lose my job.”

Man: “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Me: “I’m not doing that, sir.”

Man: “Well, you just lost out on a lot of your tip.”

Me: “I’d rather lose your tip than my job.”

Man: “Fine, I’ll take a cup for my water.”

I know he’s going to try it anyway, so I decide to be the “nice guy” and get him a to-go cup full of water. I clocked their three waters as completely full, so there’s nowhere to dump out the to-go cup.

I drop off the full to-go cup. The dude looks at me and scowls, but his wife tells him to drop it.

Me: “Anything else I can do for you all today?”

Wife: “No. We’re good. Have a good night.”

My father-in-law was an imposing man — a solid six foot four — and a very successful Aussie plumber, and he had a really dry sense of humour. He also hated “privileged w*nkers” as he called them, as he used to have to deal with lots in his work.

He retired some years back when another plumbing firm paid lots for his business which had some very lucrative government contracts. To celebrate, the in-laws booked themselves a big tour to the US, Alaska, and Canada, which included a glacier cruise.

They arrived at the cruise check-in to be told that their cruise ship had hit an iceberg so it was in for repairs. The choice was to take a refund or try to fit on a competitor ship.

An English couple ahead of the in-laws were yelling and complaining about those options not being good enough and how they had better get a good room. As they finally left, everyone heard my father-in-law muttering, “Whinging w*nkers,” which horrified my mother-in-law.

When they stepped forward to the desk, the poor woman was looking concerned at this big bloke. She was about to start her explanation when my father-in-law stopped her.

Father-In-Law: “I heard you before. So some idiot’s getting his a**e kicked ‘cause our boat’s stuffed. We’ve travelled from the other side of the world and are not coming back, so we don’t want a refund. If you can get us on the other boat, that would be great. Thanks, love. We don’t care if it’s in the bowels with no window, as long as we can get somewhere to see the sights.”

She looked very relieved, told them she would see what she could do, and sent them off to a lounge to wait for a bus.

The bus came and took them to the other ship. They were taken around some corridors, and they opened the door into a stateroom on top of the decks on the corner. There were floor-to-ceiling windows facing the front and one side. They had a fantastic cruise, of course.

The fun bit for them both was finding that the “w*nkers” were down the bottom of the ship.

A customer walks in with a [Brand] 43″ TV to book it in for repair under his insurance.

Mistake #1: I don’t bring up the full details of the policy on the till because the letter he brought with his insurance information outlines the item that is covered but not the model or size. It is only after I book the TV that I bring up his full details. It turns out it is for a 50″  [Brand] rather than the 43″.

Me: “Sir, the TV you brought in isn’t the one that is covered under our insurance.”

Customer: “It should be covered anyway.”

Me: “It isn’t because it’s not the one on the policy. Even if it was sent away for repair, it would be sent straight back to the store.”

I offer to try to find a receipt for his 43″ [Brand] and see if that also has insurance on it. Then, I notice a particular sticker on the original box he brought to the store.

Me: “Sir, this TV is from [Competitor]. We wouldn’t have a record of your purchase.”

Customer: “That’s irrelevant. I did purchase the TV here.”

We go back and forth for a bit.

Customer: “The customer is always right! Just take off the [Competitor] sticker.”

Of course, I refused because I was not going to destroy proof of where it was bought from.

The manager eventually got involved. This resulted in more stupid arguments from the customer. At one point, he said, “If the TV was used as a murder weapon, then how would it be traced back to where it was bought from?”

What the actual f***?

After wasting a solid hour and half of our time, he relented and left.

Back in December, my hotel was sold out due to families traveling for the holidays. My hotel resides right beside a major freeway, and it was backed up; I’m talking about cars in one spot for more than four hours. People were standing beside their cars to have a smoke or walk their pets, and some even “relieved” themselves. I live ten minutes away from work but had to leave every day an hour early due to the awful traffic.

I got to work and we had three rooms left to sell. I went to clock in and print out the evening reports in case of system failure. Within the first ten minutes, we were sold out, and I had to face the twenty or so more families in my lobby who did not book in advance to turn them away. It took about thirty minutes, but once I passed out my list of local hotels and motels in the area, many of them were happy. I gladly put up a “Sold Out” sign.

A couple who got one of our last rooms came back down to the front desk. The wife was obviously drunk. I could smell her breath on the other side of the counter. The husband was taking pictures of the floor, the ceiling, and the doors — weird, but whatever. My coworker, a new person, asked them if everything was okay with the room. Meanwhile, I had gone to the back to shuffle some paperwork, but I could overhear everything.

Wife: “How old is this place?”

Coworker: “I’m not sure, but I think it’s ten years or older.”

Wife: “Well, it certainly looks like it.”

Husband: “We stayed at [Other Hotel] in [Other City And State] last night, and it was much nicer and cheaper than this place.”

My coworker was obviously trying to do her work and avoid them.

Coworker: “I’m glad you guys had a good stay with [Other Hotel].”

Wife: *Demanding* “Well, due to how crappy this place is, you had better give us a discount. Give us the rate we paid last night.”

Coworker: “I can’t do that, but I can take about $10 off.”

The couple was not happy with that answer.

Husband: “This is the crappiest hotel we’ve ever stayed in. You’d better believe I’m sending these pictures to your corporate office.”

This went on for another ten minutes before they asked to speak to a manager. There were none on duty, so my coworker came to get me. She usually can handle herself pretty well, but when she came to the back office, I could see her frustration and her eagerness to slap them both in the face. I went out to deal with the couple.

Wife: “She promised us a discount because our room isn’t good.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem with the room?”

The wife told me about her stay the previous night.

Wife: “I don’t feel clean in here. I don’t feel safe, and I’m totally uncomfortable. And I stay in hotels all the time. I’ve never had any issues. How are you gonna compensate us?”

Red flag! Meanwhile, someone who had ignored the “Sold Out” sign on the door came in, desperate for a room.

The wife now turned from complaining about the hotel to complaining about me and the other staff members.

Okay. Let’s play.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m so sorry that our hotel is not up to your standards. I do not want you to have to stay in a hotel that is going to make you uncomfortable or uneasy.”

I turned to my maintenance guy and asked him to please escort the couple and their luggage downstairs.

With that, I turned back to the wife.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to do something even better for you. I’m going to cancel your room with no penalty. Have a good night.”

I gestured to the desperate man who had walked in to give me a moment. My maintenance guy had come back down and whispered that the room was clean and could be resold. I booked the desperate man and gave him $10 off because why not?!

I didn’t give the unhappy couple a chance to protest anything. They walked past the front desk looking pitiful and sad. I knew that their behinds would be sitting in traffic in the cold unable to find a hotel room for A VERY LONG TIME. What were they going to say? Why would you WANT to stay in a hotel that is so crappy… unless you were intentionally looking for a free room?

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