I have a tattoo on my arm of a snake, which generally leads to questions about it, and if I like snakes, or I’ll be talking with coworkers about my snakes, as I own six.

There’s an older gentleman who loves to come in for daily lottery scratch-offs and tickets, and he usually asks everyone if they want mushrooms he foraged himself or not. 

Today, he came in asking about snakes.

Customer: “Do you like them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “You’ll get a snake one day.”

Like, yeah, I have six, I know. I go about my day as I would, because work.

This guy comes in later and says:

Customer: “I got you a snake.”

He brings in a to-go plastic box with a mushroom, some grass, some fish, worms, and a tiny snake in this thing. I’m shocked.

Me: “Um, what?”

He hands me the to-go box and says:

Customer: “I caught him eating my fish, here you go!”

It’s this tiny Dekay’s brown snake (native to my area). Now I have a tiny snake that I’m going to release in my backyard instead because, just, what even. I’m not even sure how to respond to that. 

My last few hours had a tiny, angry snake next to me as I was checking out customers at the gas station.

I moved from Pennsylvania to Michigan a few years ago and only go home once a year or so. A few years back, I transferred the vast majority of my bank account to Michigan, but they were giving me a hard time about closing the account, and so I withdrew all funds except for $1.31.

I haven’t touched the account since that time, so two years later, I get a notice for inactivity stating that I will be charged five dollars if my account remains inactive for two years. I spoke with three different people on the phone, but they would not let me close out the account without incurring a fee, and since I’m never moving back to that town, I refuse to pay them or add any money to the account.

So, I have to interact with the account once every two years or else pay you five dollars? Fine.

When I was there in person last month, I withdrew one penny from the account, so now it’s good for another two years. The attendant definitely gave me a weird look, but at this rate, my account will remain open for the next 260 years!

We had a guest check in last night with me at the tail end of my shift. They booked the nicest, largest, and most expensive suite type we offer at our boutique hotel in a mid-sized tourist city. There are very few who complain about the suite type just based on what it offers; it’s one h*** of a nice room.

This lady comes down not ten minutes later, while I’m switching with the night auditor, screaming.

Guest: “There’s a strange and dangerous man wandering the halls of my floor!”

The night auditor and I immediately look at the cameras and get ready to call security. But then we see who it is.

Security himself.

The “strange and dangerous man” is our security guard, who is even wearing a polo, cardigan, and khakis. He’s a big dude, yes, but obviously a professional, and obviously not just some random dude, given the walkie he has as well. Ex-marine, walks with the precise military walk, all of it. We explain this.

Guest: “I want a full refund! I don’t feel safe!”

Me: “Ma’am, you booked through an online travel agency, so you’d need to request a refund through them.”

Guest: *Having a hissy fit.* “You hire dangerous people!” *Storms out.*

The night auditor informed me the next day that she didn’t return at all that night. She’s not getting a refund either, obviously.

People are wild. Imagine trying to explain to someone at the online travel agency you didn’t feel secure… because security patrolled the floors.

I’m not tech support, or even IT, I’m simply the youngest person in my department and have the most tech-related knowledge, so I’m usually in charge of implementing any kind of documents or processes in our software, Excel, etc. 

A coworker just came to me and asked me to redo and simplify the Excel sheet. A tech-illiterate coworker is complaining about how inefficient it is and that she doesn’t understand it.

She’s the temporary stand-in for me because I have the next two weeks off. To clarify, it’s literally a table with three columns and a bottom row summing up column B and C, respectively. (A is for the date). 

So, because I don’t really know what’s supposed to be so hard about typing in a number into a cell, I walk over and ask what the problem is.

Me: “Hi, [Tech-Illiterate Coworker], I heard you have trouble with the sheet?”

Tech-Illiterate Coworker: “Yes! The list makes no sense. Why did you only put one field for the sum? It’s totally inefficient because now I have to print out a new page every day!”

Me: “What? Why would you print it out? It sums it up automatically.”

Tech-Illiterate Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Okay, explain to me how you intended to go about it.”

Tech-Illiterate Coworker: “I print it out and write the numbers into the fields. Then, after each day, I add it up and write the total in the last row. But I have to print out a new one every day. That makes no sense!”

Cue me explaining that in Excel, you can type a number into a cell and the SUM-function adds up the numbers automatically; you don’t have to use a calculator.

And no, you don’t have to print it out; you just leave it in the group share folder where it’s already in.

And no, you don’t have to send the thing as a printed-out version to our boss because she has access to the document and can check it whenever. 

Sadly, I can’t appoint someone else as a stand-in because the others are too busy. Due to this, my manager asked me to fill in the Excel sheet even though I’m on vacation. She now only sends me the numbers via email, and then I update the document.

So… she can type in the numbers into Outlook and send me an email, but can’t type the same numbers into Excel and click “save.” Great.

I see that a man made an online reservation for two people, but wrote in the notes that the reservation is actually for six people and a baby.

I contacted him to let him know that it wasn’t possible at that time of the evening and offered alternative times for the reservation of six, but I never got a response.

It’s now an hour before service, this guy calls the restaurant to let me know his party is actually going to be eight people and that they’re ten minutes away… meanwhile, we don’t open for an hour.

I explained to him nicely that we aren’t open yet and we couldn’t accommodate a party of that size. He refused to take no for an answer. He kept asking if I could “do” anything for him, and wouldn’t accept no. So, I offered him a spot on the patio when we opened, even though the weather was lousy… which he accepted half-heartedly and told me to set up the table. Fine. Whatever.

So, it’s twenty minutes before we open and he shows up with his entourage and demands that I sit them upstairs. First of all, we’re not open yet. Second, I already said NO. He kept saying, “can’t you do anything for me? It’s my nephew’s baptism!”

Then he tried to threaten me with the idea that they would go eat somewhere else, so I politely advised them where to go nearby to find another restaurant. I guess realizing this didn’t work, he tried again to get me to “do something” for him.

I explained that seating his party would require that I cancel other reservations, and I wasn’t willing to do that. So, we went back and forth like this a few times, him all “do something” and me all “I can’t cancel other reservations to accommodate your group.” Eventually, he left in a huff.

The booking page for the reservations says that if you want to make a reservation for more than five people, you need to contact the restaurant directly!

I can’t understand why people behave this way. Why would you make a reservation for two, because that’s “the only party size that was available”? Hey genius, chances are that’s because THERE ISN’T SPACE FOR MORE THAN TWO PEOPLE?!