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A collection of stories curated from different subreddits, adapted for NAR.

SERIOUSLY Bad Choices

, , , | Right | CREDIT: StrawberryBlondeGirl | June 19, 2021

A college kid was staying in a room on our top floor when he thought he would clean off his gun without taking the bullet out of the chamber. The gun went off and shot a hole through the ceiling, and it also managed to go through and burst the water main pipe. The whole left side of the hotel building on each floor flooded

One of the children staying here — about four years old — is still shaken up from his horrible experience three weeks ago — the family had a house fire and watched their house burn down, losing everything they own — so when the pipe burst and the water flooded the floors, the poor child was crying and shaken up even more.

The police and detectives brought in their canine and found that the college kid had cocaine in the room, and he was arrested. He started freaking out.

College Kid: “I don’t want to get in trouble! My dad has worked on the police force for twenty years!”

The fire chief just laughed as he passed the front desk.

Fire Chief: “Don’t do drugs, kids!”

Insult The Farmers And You’ll Be Sure To Pay

, , , , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: USPO-222 | June 19, 2021

An attorney that I work with regularly as part of my job moved from an area with a very high cost of living to our rural community. He sold his $2,000,000 house — paid off and inherited from his grandparents — and bought over fifty acres with a huge house in a bedroom community that has a lot of dairy farms. He always used to say how it was much better living up here, both in terms of the lifestyle and monetarily, as his urban $2,000,000 house had property taxes in excess of $40,000 a year.

In addition to the huge house, the property was about forty acres of fields with a roughly ten-acre woodlot. After he moved into his new house, the attorney was approached by his neighbor, one of the area dairy farmers.

Farmer: “I had a handshake agreement with the former owner of your property. I mow the fields for hay two or three times per year and harvest a sustainable amount of trees out of the woodlot. In exchange, the old owner got 10% of the chopped wood, which is more than enough to heat your house all year long without having to run the oil boiler for anything more than hot water. I’d like to keep this arrangement going, as it worked out well for both of us for over a decade.”

The attorney thought the former owner was being taken advantage of and refused to do a handshake agreement.

Attorney: “Give me a week to draw up a proper contract.”

The farmer was not overjoyed with making this out to be more than a gentlemen’s agreement but agreed to come back the following week. The attorney decided that what would be “fair” was that the farmer should pay him $1,000 each time he mowed the fields for hay, since the farmer would feed the hay to his cows for “free” otherwise (completely ignoring that the farmer was using his own equipment and time to do the haying) and that the lawyer deserved 50% of the chopped wood, not 10%, or at least the 50% of the revenue the farmer got from selling the excess chopped wood (again ignoring the equipment and time investment of the farmer). As you can guess, the farmer refused.

This all happened in late 2019, when the fields were rather bare and the supply of chopped wood for the house was full. Well, then came 2020, and the fields started looking like garbage because none of the other farmers would pay to hay the fields. In fact, after speaking with the first farmer, the attorney found that all of the other area farmers were unwilling to mow the fields unless the attorney paid THEM $1,000 per mowing. And, of course, come wintertime, the attorney’s woodpile was depleted and he had to use the oil boiler to heat his entire home, costing well over $300 a month in winter heating costs.

Then we came to early 2021, tax prep season. The farmer, being a good and dutiful community-minded citizen, informed the town that he did not cultivate any of the attorney’s land for the entirety of 2020, nor did he know of any other farmers who had done so. Well, as it turns out, this was a big deal, because in our state, farmland is assessed at a much lower value than residential property and additionally has a separate and lower tax rate. The attorney’s land had previously been entirely zoned as farmland, except for the house and a few acres of lawn around it. The town sent out an assessor and rezoned the entire fifty-plus acres as residential, which more than tripled the taxable property value and imposed the residential tax rate rather than the much lower farm tax rate. The attorney was quite surprised and furiously told me, and everyone else we work with, all this past week how he’s going to sue the town because they now expect him to pay $50,000 a year in property taxes.

New To The Hotel Thing, Eh?

, , | Right | June 19, 2021

Guest: “Checking in, reservation is under [Last Name #1] or [Last Name #2].”

Me: “Is it [Woman] [Last Name #2]? Is she here? It’s under her name and she needs to be the one to check in.”

This is a very strict rule at my resort.

Guest: “She’s here but in the car. I made the reservation, though.”

Me: “But your name is [Last Name #1]. I need at least someone to check in who is also a [Last Name #2].”

Guest: “She has social anxiety and doesn’t like to leave the car.”

I stare, dumbfounded.

Me: “Then why did you make the reservation under her name?”

I made him go get her.

The Couponator 27: Red Friday

, , , , , | Working | CREDIT: Raptor-2020 | June 18, 2021

My workplace has big Black Friday sales. For working Black Friday, we basically get a one-time-use coupon for a very heavy discount on anything that we can add to our normal employee discount. It only lasts a few weeks before expiring, so we have to use it quickly.

I only work there for one holiday season, so I only go through Black Friday once, but it is a nightmare. I definitely earn that coupon.

A few weeks after Black Friday, and about a week after the coupons expire, I come into work for my shift. During our lunch break, I hear some of my coworkers talking about somebody being crazy. I ask them what they’re talking about.

One of the employees that worked on Black Friday had apparently forgotten that the Black Friday working coupons had an expiration date. Apparently, the day before, she had decided to try and make a really big purchase using the coupon, and the cashier said it had expired. She lost her mind, screaming at the cashier and demanding they take it. She said that since she had worked for it and it was their duty to take it no matter what, and she wouldn’t accept having worked Black Friday and not getting that discount. Several managers, including the store manager, had to come deal with her, and eventually she was escorted off the property. She wasn’t fired for her outburst but received some disciplinary action.

The employee apparently snapped over the managers daring to refuse her. The next day, maybe twelve hours after she tried to use her coupon she returned to the store with a knife, a shotgun, and a blowtorch, intent on killing her manager and her coworkers and setting the building on fire. She somehow dropped her knife on the way in, and when she got into the store, her gun jammed. Left with just the blowtorch, she started to try and set the mat in the entrance on fire.

She was quickly tackled by security and restrained until police arrived and she was arrested. She was, of course, fired, and faced some pretty heavy charges. I don’t remember the charges; all I remember is seeing her mugshot online with her in a straitjacket.

Thankfully, nobody was harmed, and no damage was done to the store.

Related:
The Couponator 26: Father’s Day

The Couponator 25: The Cheese Explosion
The Couponator 24: My Funds, My Rules
The Couponator 23: The Time Destroyer
The Couponator 22: Coupons Of Mass Consumption

The Highest Of Crimes

, , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: sweetpoison02 | June 18, 2021

As a teenager, many years ago, my favourite book was Interview With The Vampire by Anne Rice. What can I say? I was very much into the Emo Vampires back then.

My best friend asked to borrow it, as she was curious because of how often I spoke about it. Normally, I didn’t like loaning out books as I’m very particular about them and didn’t like to risk them being damaged, but as I said, this was my best friend, so I agreed and brought the book into school the next day to loan to her.

A few weeks went by and I asked her how she was getting on with the book, what she thought, etc. She told me she’d gotten about halfway through, but her little sister had gotten her hands on it and drawn all over the pages, so she threw it out. She then asked me when I’d buy another copy and if she could finish it when I did.

I told her she should be buying me a new copy. She said it wasn’t her fault her sister had ruined it and she wasn’t going to pay for it.

We aren’t friends anymore.