Elevating Their Expectations

, , , , , | Related | September 25, 2017

(My grandmother’s house is built right on the side of a steep hill. Because of this, some of the architecture is a little strange. For example, in order to get down to the level backyard, you have to take three flights of exterior deck stairs from the top floor all the way down, instead of just heading out a back door that’s level with the yard. One summer, my cousins, siblings, and I are visiting grandma, and all of us older kids decide to hang out in the backyard. My youngest sister, four years old, comes out onto the top floor deck and yells down at us, while standing immediately to the right of the stairs.)

Sister: “HEY! HOW’D YOU GUYS GET DOWN THERE!?”

Me: “WE TOOK THE ELEVATOR!”

Sister: “THE ELEVATOR!?”

Me: “YEAH! YOU GOTTA FLIP LIGHT SWITCHES IN THE HOUSE UNTIL THE ELEVATOR APPEARS AND THE DOORS OPEN!”

(My sister excitedly runs indoors while my middle sister and cousins laugh hysterically. Minutes later, my mom storms out onto the deck and hollers down.)

Mom: “WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU TELL YOUR SISTER?!”

Me: “I ONLY TOLD HER HOW TO FIND THE ELEVATOR TO GET DOWN HERE!”

(Mom marched back inside, and minutes later my little sister came out and found the staircase down to the yard. Apparently, she’d been running around the house flicking the lights on and off, getting more and more frustrated each time an elevator didn’t magically appear. Later, when I explained the whole story to Mom, we had a good laugh… but my cranky old grandma pretended she didn’t think it was that funny, while trying to keep the corners of her mouth from quirking up.)

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Giving You Side-Eye

, , , | Right | August 31, 2017

(I am in line at a local burger joint when I overhear the customers at the register: two women, one about 50ish, the other 80ish. Also, this is shortened, as they take about five minutes to order one burger.)

80ish Lady: “Can I have a double burger? What comes on that?”

Cashier: “Lettuce, tomato, grilled onions, cheese, mayo.”

80ish Lady: “Can I have the lettuce on the side?”

Cashier: “Certainly. Anything else?”

80ish Lady: “Can I get the tomatoes and mayo on the side too? No onions, no cheese.”

Cashier: “Okay. Will that be all?”

50ish Lady: “Can she get extra mayo on the side?”

Cashier: “Sure, just ask when you pick up your order.”

80ish Lady: “I want the lettuce on the side.”

Cashier: “Yes, ma’am, your total is [total].”

(They pay and go to get their drinks.)

Cashier: *to me* “Hi, what can I get you today?”

Me: “Hi! Can I get two burgers with everything?” *making sure the other customers are out of earshot as to not get the cashier in trouble* “Oh, and can I get all the toppings on the side?”

Cashier: *giggles* “I know right?”

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