With the housing market being insane lately, I get a cold-call at least once a week from realtors almost begging me to sell my house. Two days after we refinance, we get yet another cold-call.

Realtor: “Hi, [My Name]. This is [Realtor] with [Company]. I’m interested in your property and understand you have a mortgage for [amount]?”

Me: “Nope. Just refinanced.”

Realtor: “Oh…” *Long pause* “Was it for more than [amount]?”

Me: “A lot more.”

Realtor: “Um… was it more than six months ago?”

Me: “It was literally two days ago, dude.”

Realtor: “Oh… um… I guess we can’t help you, then.”

Me: “Didn’t ask for it. Bye now.”

There is a realtor who has service with our pest control company and occasionally orders inspections through us for her clients. She is rude, entitled, and snooty, and none of us can stand her. Oftentimes she will call in and demand things that we can’t provide, often legally speaking, like information about other people’s accounts. For a while, we would just tell her no and hang up, but now we’ve all made a point to waste her time as much as she wastes ours.

Realtor: “Hi. I’m calling about a mutual client of ours, [Client].”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Realtor: “When was the last time you serviced his lawn?”

Me: “Do you pay for his lawn service?”

Realtor: *Indignant* “No!”

Me: “Then, I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you that.”

Realtor: *Huffing* “Look, he’s got lots of little purple flowers in his yard and I just want to know what you’re going to do about it!”

What she’s describing is a common weed in this part of Florida, colloquially called “Florida snow.” I’ve been almost manically pleasant with her up to this point, but now I really dial up the innocent sweetness in my voice.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not familiar with your client’s landscaping situation or preferences. I would hate to send someone out and have them ruin his yard.”

Realtor: *Screeching* “Well, you’re no help at all!”

Then, she hung up. She’s right, though; we definitely can’t help her at all. Stop calling.

The owner of the house my boyfriend and I are renting has decided to sell. This isn’t the first house we’ve lived in that is for sale, so we know how it goes. The only difference is that this house is a duplex and our neighbor moved out of the other side a few months ago.

First, they want us to agree to a day every other week for them to do a showing. We suggest once a month due to the health crisis and not wanting too many people in our home. We compromise and agree to have the place viewable when they call and give us twenty-four hours heads-up.

I wake up one afternoon and my boyfriend tells me someone showed up for a viewing and asked to enter, but we didn’t get a heads-up so he said no. I’m irritated by this but figure one mistake isn’t a big deal. They showed the other side and left.

Then, yesterday, a little before noon, we were both awake when we heard people outside and I heard someone try to open the door. My boyfriend got up to look out the front while I pulled up my phone and dialed 911, thinking it might be a break-in. I didn’t call yet just in case, and my boyfriend cracked the door open. My heart was pounding, and I recognized the early signs of a panic attack.

My boyfriend’s tone in the following dialogue is extremely polite – much more polite than I would have been and much more polite than they deserved, in my opinion.

Boyfriend: “Um, hi. Can I help you?”

Realtor: “Yeah, we’re here for a showing. Is it all right if we take a look inside?”

Boyfriend: “No, sorry, because no one called us to tell us you were coming.”

Realtor: “Oh. Not just real quick?”

Boyfriend: “No, we weren’t told.”

Realtor: “Well, do you ever do showings of this side?”

Boyfriend: “Yes, when we are given a warning.”

Realtor: “Okay.”

After they left, I texted the landlord and told him that this was totally unprofessional and that I had almost called 911 on the realtor. He wasn’t as bothered as I was and just passed along our message to the realtors. I thought he would be more upset since he wants to sell the place, but I guess not. I calmed down but was upset the rest of the day. Who just tries to open someone’s door and then act like they knocked when someone answers?! They gave us no apology or any sign of remorse.

After the second time someone tried to let themself into my apartment, the landlord gave us permission to put up a “do not disturb” sign. After that didn’t work and it happened several more times, each time the landlord saying he’d handle it, I called the broker myself. He assured me all of his realtors would be told not to bother us under any circumstances. But of course, the story doesn’t end here.

The other day we were doing some reorganizing when my boyfriend and I heard someone try to turn the doorknob. My boyfriend opened the door to find a man all by himself. My boyfriend asked what he was doing and he introduced himself as a buyer, apologized meekly, and walked away. He came back and knocked 10 seconds later.

I told my boyfriend and he reopened the door and the man asked if we were planning to stay if the house was sold and asked a few other questions about the property. As they’re talking, I’m behind my boyfriend fuming with anger since this is the SEVENTH time this has happened. I tried to interject several times, but the conversation ended and my boyfriend closed the door. I was slightly annoyed with him but decided it was probably for the best, because I was definitely not planning on being nice and was going to aggressively point out the sign and how rude he was being. The man left and we heard him walking around the other unit.

We had gotten his name and texted the landlord to make sure he was a legitimate buyer. Although he was, he was there without a realtor and without permission. The landlord said next time to take a photo of him and his license plate and call 911 for trespassing. He also ordered us a doorbell camera. While I’m happy something is finally being done, I’m annoyed it took this long.

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The wife and I are in the market for our first house. We meet our realtor outside a house he’s about to show us.

Realtor: “The instructions say, ‘Don’t go near stuffed tiger.’”

Wife: “Stuffed tiger?”

Realtor: “Yeah, the notes say the last realtor got hurt. Had to go to the emergency room.”

Me: “Interesting.”

Confident the realty company wouldn’t put us in mortal danger, we go in to find an eight-foot taxidermied Bengal tiger, claws outstretched. The claws are covered in cotton balls.

Realtor: “Ah, now it makes sense. The notes say the last guy almost got his ear ripped off when he accidentally backed into the tiger’s claw.”

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My wife and I are thinking of moving home. We spot a new build area in a good location, so we arrange a viewing of the show home. We get the tour. The size is great, and the layout and garden are, too, but the kitchen and bathrooms are decorated in a really dark and unpleasant colour.

Normally, if you buy new, you can choose all of this as it isn’t fitted yet. But the sales rep starts to push the show home.

Sales Rep: “You know, this plot is available. As you can see, it is ready to move in.”

Me: “Not really for us, thanks.”

Sales Rep: “Are you sure? It would be a few months until the others are ready, plus you would have to go through the whole long process of picking out tiles.”

Wife: “Actually, we quite like that bit.”

Me: “Could we have a moment to look around again?”

Sales Rep: “Sure. I will head back to the office.”

We chat and look around, and we both agree we like the house but hate the kitchen and bathrooms. We would be happier to wait and get something that works for us. We head back to the sales rep.

Sales Rep: “Hi, you two. Good news! I spoke to my manager and he has cleared a discount on the show home. It’s [a few hundred off]. What do you think? Shall I put your names down for a deposit?”

Me: “We have talked and would like to wait for the new builds.”

Sales Rep: “Are you sure? We get a lot of interest in that show home. You don’t want to miss out.”

Wife: “We are sure.”

Sales Rep: “Well, okay, then. I will add you to the contact list when they become available.”

We ended up buying one of the new homes when they became available, but not before being contacted three more times about that show home. It dropped very little in value and was one of the last properties to sell on the lot.