Unreal Estate

| England, UK | Working | October 14, 2013

(I am moving over 100 miles away, to a new area I don’t know at all.)

Me: “So, are there any areas of the town I should avoid?”

Agent: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You know, bad areas, dangerous places I wouldn’t really want to live.”

Agent: *proudly* “No! Not at all. This is a lovely town; there’s nowhere I wouldn’t live myself.”

(I’m doubtful, as every town has its dodgy streets. But she recommends some houses on the market, and we go through the particulars.)

Me: “I like the look of this place. Can you get me a viewing tonight? Around 6:00 or 6:30?”

Agent: “Oh. Would someone be going with you?”

Me: “No, I’m looking on my own at the moment. My husband’s still back in [our home town].”

Agent: “But you’ll be driving there?”

Me: “No, it’s only a 20-minute walk from where I’m staying.”

Agent: *shocked* “Oh, no! No. I wouldn’t let you walk around that neighborhood on your own, and especially not after dark!”

Me: “Well then, I’m hardly going to buy a house and live there, am I?!”

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Window Pains

| MA, USA | Right | April 20, 2013

(A tenant in an office building calls the property management office. It’s autumn, and a bit chilly outside. Not every office in this building has a window, but hers does. Tenants pay more for the larger suites with windows.)

Tenant: “Ever since the heat came on last week, my office has been stifling! Can’t the maintenance do anything?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the office suites do not have individual heat controls. However, I can put in a ticket for maintenance to come and adjust your overhead vent so you don’t have as much warm air coming in.”

Tenant: “Well how long will that be? I’m dying in here!”

Me: “Maintenance is usually able to complete their tickets in a day or two.”

Tenant: “What? He can’t come today? This is completely ridiculous! How do you expect me to work, or see clients? I’m sweating!”

Me: “Well, in the meantime, you could certainly crack a window. It’s nice and cool outside.”

Tenant: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I PAY FOR!”

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America’s Favorite Pastime

| Real Estate|Bloomington, IN, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to 5 students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)

Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”

Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”

Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”

Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”

Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”

Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”

Driven Two Distraction

| Tampa, FL, USA | Working | March 1, 2013

(I am looking to buy a house and have hired a real estate agent to help me find what I’m looking for. This happens after we’ve looked at the first house on the list, and are getting ready to leave for the second.)

Agent: “Okay, next on the list is [address].”

Me: “Let me just get that in my GPS real quick.”

Agent: “You don’t need your GPS. You can just follow behind me.”

Me: “My following skills are questionable.”

Agent: “Not a problem! My driving skills are questionable.”

Me: “…touché.”

America’s Favorite Pastime

| Bloomington, IN, USA | Right | December 16, 2011

(I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to 5 students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)

Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”

Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”

Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”

Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”

Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”

Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”

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