Maybe Someone Didn’t Enunciate?

, , , | Working | February 26, 2020

“Have you got a quote for the carpet to be replaced yet?”

“No! I have been calling carpenters all week, but none of them have gotten back to me.”

“You mean carpet layers, right?”

“What’s the difference?”

I facepalmed. Sure enough, she had been emailing carpenters all week trying to get a quote to install carpet.

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Not Moving Outside Of The Box

, , , | Right | February 5, 2020

(We are moving out of the house we have been renting for two years. The real estate agent representing the owners, who live in another state, periodically arranges for buyers’ agents to show the house to potential buyers.)

Owners’ Agent: “The last buyer who saw the house said it was what she was looking for, but she had some negative feedback.”

Me: “What did she say?”

Owners’ Agent: “She didn’t like that there were ‘boxes all over the place.’”

Me: *incredulous pause* “She does know the house is for sale because we’re moving out of it… right?”

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Unfiltered Story #177740

, , | Unfiltered | November 20, 2019

(I have a commercial space to let in my house. A potential renter is late by 10 minutes, then wants to wait for her husband, who shows up even later. By the time the viewing starts, 20 minutes past the initial appointment, I have already decided that I’m not going to rent anything to them ever, no matter what they are offering.)

Man: “You said the building dates back to classicism? Well, it’s old, so can we have it cheaply?”

Me: *patiently* “That’s not how this works. This house has been carefully restored for over two years, preserving the original facade while having high-end interiors. I suppose this space is too expensive for your project?”

Woman: “Expensive? No way! That’s not up to you to decide! The owner will be happy to get our offer!”

Me: *just wanting to get rid of them* “Okay, sure, I can’t stop you from making any offers. Send an e-mail to [my work e-mail].”

Man: “You are useless! Who’s the owner and how can we contact him?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Woman: “He didn’t mean it like that! I think you are a wonderful person, such a lovely young woman, don’t you agree, [husband]?”

Rental Mental

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2019

(My husband gets a great promotion but it requires us to move to another state. I begin the process of selling our old home while my husband is looking for a new home. We both know a lot about buying and selling a home and have done so multiple times, so I know where and how to advertise. I have just listed our house for sale on the real estate websites when I get an email from a gentleman.)

Client: “Saw the pics and it looks beautiful.”

(He asks about the school district and the age of the appliances, condition of the roof, etc. Everything looks great.)

Me: “Would you like to schedule a time to come to see it?”

Client: “Yes, I would also like to know if you would be interested in renting it to me.”

Me: “No, I am not a landlord nor do I have any desire to be. The house is for sale only, as clearly stated in the listing.”

Client: “Well, I really need a place I can rent. I am a single father of three girls and we really need a place to live. I can pay about $900 a month. I really want them to stay in this school district.”

Me: “I sympathize with you, but I cannot rent it or I would be homeless. I need the money for the sale of this house to pay off the mortgage and then use the excess as the down payment to get a mortgage on the house I am buying in the state I am moving to.”

Client: “Please, my kids and I really need a nice home.”

Me: “So do my kids. I will not move them into a car so that you can have a nice home.”

(A few days later I get another email from him.)

Client: “I have a relative that can help; would you take payments?”

Me: “I will take one payment. If you want to do multiple ones, call a bank.”

(I blocked his email after that. What is sad and annoying is that he wasn’t the only one contacting me wanting to know if I would rent to them. If I have a house up for sale, it’s obvious that I am trying to sell it, else I would advertise it as a rental.)

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Might Want To Fold Out A Chair For This One

, , , , , | Right | March 22, 2019

My family has been getting ready to move, so we start auctioning online a lot of things we find around the house that are still in good condition. The buyers, however, have been a huge pain, for the most part. We get a few good ones, but they’re the minority, unfortunately.

We arrange a date and time, and they either don’t show, or they show up hours or even days later without even an apology. Sometimes my parents have to go out of town for something or another, leaving me to wait for these errant buyers for a few days, messing with my sleep schedule and leaving me tired and cranky.

One, however, stood far above the rest. The buyer arranged to show sometime before noon. I had a pet-sitting job I had to get up early for that same day, so after I got back I waited for the buyer to show so I could get in a nap. He finally showed up at half-past six, and he was smoking right on our doorstep without a care in the world. Everyone in my family has asthma, and he clearly wasn’t paying attention to how uncomfortable the smell of the smoke was making me. I had to drench the entryway with air freshener and leave all the windows open for hours, and I was still coughing long after he had gone. And what was all this mess for? A $7 folding chair.

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