America’s Favorite Pastime

| Right | December 16, 2011

(I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to 5 students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)

Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”

Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”

Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”

Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”

Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”

Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”

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Caught In Your Own Conundrum

, , , , | Right | March 11, 2010

(The mortgage company I work for sends out notices to people with FHA home loans letting them know that they may be eligible for a new FHA program, and to call us for more information.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Take me off your mailing list!”

Me: “Okay, that’s no problem. What’s the file-number on the notice?”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “I just need that so I can pull up your file and remove you from the system.”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “But then I don’t know who you are.”

Caller: “Good!”

Me: “But then how do I know who to stop sending the notice to?”

Caller: *several seconds of silence, and then they hang up*

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You’d Better Throw In The Cars, Too

, , | Right | January 5, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Realtors]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m interested in 734 [Name] Street. Could you tell me more information about it?”

Me: “You must mean 732 [Name] Street?”

Customer: “No, 734.”

Me: “Does the house have a sign in the yard that says [Realtors]?”

Customer: “No, but the one next door does. I figured I’d just call you guys since you sell houses.”

Me: “Has it occurred to you that somebody probably lives in 734 [Name] Street?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but can’t you just, like… give it to me?”

Me: “You want me to call the family and tell them that they have to leave their house because I’m selling it to you?”

Customer: “Yeah, that would be good. And can I move in by Thursday? I’m all packed.”

(It took a good fifteen minutes to explain to him that I couldn’t just sell random people’s homes.)

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