They Can Hop Right To You

, , , , , | Right | November 11, 2017

(I’m taking tickets at the theater. It’s Friday night, so it’s very crowded. As I’m taking tickets, a teenager with a skateboard casually walks past the line, then ducks under the rope and bolts down the hallway, disappearing into one of the theaters.)

Customer: “That guy just snuck past you!”

Me: “I know. Here’s your ticket. Your theater is on the left.”

(He takes his ticket, but stops behind me so he can talk to me while not holding up the line.)

Customer: “Aren’t you going to stop him?”

Me: “I’d chase after him, but then there’d be nobody to help the rest of you get to your movies.”

Customer: “I suppose more people would sneak in, too.”

Me: “That, too. Besides, I’ll catch him once the line dies down and I can get somebody to man the station.”

Customer: “You’re going to find him in a dark theater?”

Me: “I have my ways.”

(I clear the line, signal for one of the other ushers to take over the ticket station for me, and head into the theater. I find the guy immediately. Theater hoppers almost always hide in the back row, even though it makes them stand out if the theater isn’t full, especially since the seats are brighter since they’re closer to the ceiling lights. Not only do I find him, but he’s sitting directly under one of said lights, as if highlighted by a spotlight, with his skateboard resting on the chair next to him.)

Me: “Can I see your ticket, please?”

Theater Hopper: “Uh, I threw it away.”

Me: “Let’s go.”

Theater Hopper: “How’d you find me?”

Me: “Trade secret.”