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They’re All Tuned In To Each Other

, , , , , | Working | June 4, 2018

Recently a radio station has been running a competition where you can win your mortgage or rent paid for a year.

You can only get in the drawing by being the ninth caller each time they play the cue to call. The winner of the competition is a woman who reveals she is not keeping the prize for herself, but instead using it to pay for a coworker’s rent.

The coworker is an immigrant with no family in New Zealand; his son has recently been diagnosed with cancer and his wife has given up work to take care of the son, as they have no family support.

The winner says that the whole office had an agreement to all try to call every time the cue to call came on so they could win it for the coworker.

Not Even Remotely Getting Paid

, , , | Working | February 10, 2018

(I’m working at a small town radio station. We have a big event coming up in town, and we’re deciding how to handle it. Some of the radio jargon: a “remote” is when we’re live on location from an event, and “canning the remote” is when we pre-record some or all of our coverage about the event.)

Boss: “Okay, this is a pretty major event, and I want our presence there to be as big as possible. Therefore, I want you to can the remote, so everyone can be at the event, interacting with the crowd.”

(My coworker and I agree. The day comes, so we make our recording about the event at the station, as per the boss’s orders, load up our gear into the station vehicle, and head to the event. We arrive, set up our booth, and get ready to do our thing. When the boss shows up, she looks at us and says:)

Boss: “By the way, you’re not getting paid for this. Because you decided to can this remote so you can all be here screwing around, it no longer counts as a remote.”

(From that day forth, whenever the boss told us to can a remote so, “we can all be there and maximize our presence,” we politely told her, “No.”)

Last Flight To Mordor Now Departing From Gate Bree

, , , , , | Friendly | December 18, 2017

(The other day I was driving in my car, listening to an interview on the radio. The interviewer was talking to a singer who was coming to perform in New Zealand. I can’t remember who she was, but I will never forget the interview:)

Singer: “Now, who am I talking to here? Is this Australia or New Zealand?”

Radio Host: “You’re talking to New Zealand, and we’re looking forward to you coming out here!”

Singer: “New Zealand! Oh, my. I can’t wait to visit. I have never been before, and I won’t have much time, but I’m determined to see an orc.”

Radio Host: “A… I’m sorry, an orc?”

Singer: “Obviously it would have to be in captivity. I wouldn’t want to run across one in the wild!”

Radio Host: *playing along* “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but orcs are extinct.”

Singer: “Awww, really? That’s so disappointing! You don’t have any, not even in captivity?”

Radio Host: “No, we wiped them out. They weren’t very nice. Sorry.”

Singer: “Well, that’s a shame. Can you still visit parts of Middle Earth?”

Radio Host: “That you can do. Make sure you include Hobbiton on your tour!”

(After that, the host changed the subject to the singer’s latest album. But she was so sincere about the orcs, and sounded so truly disappointed to find out she would not be able to see one, that I’m not sure to this day whether she was kidding or not!)

Booby Cancer: The One You Can Laugh At

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(I work in production for an extremely popular radio station; however, I occasionally fill in different roles when people are sick. On this particular day, I work production on the breakfast show, then answer phone calls at reception. This call comes through on the complaints line.)

Me: “Good morning. You’ve reached [Radio Station]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. I would like to put in a complaint.”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, sir. What would you like to complain about?”

Customer: “I was listening to your breakfast show, and I am horrified by the language you use at that time of morning!”

(I’m confused, because I listened to the entire show while producing.)

Me: “May I ask what was said?”

Customer: “’Breasts.’”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Your announcers were talking about some disease and they said it… AT 7:30 IN THE MORNING!”

Me: “Sir, the disease they were talking about was breast cancer.”

Customer: “I don’t care what they were talking about! It shouldn’t be said on-air.”

Me: “’Breast’ is the biological term for that area of the body.”

Customer: “Stop making excuses!”

Me: “Well, what would you prefer they be called?”

(The customer thinks for a moment.)

Customer: “Boobies.”

(I laughed so hard I had to hang up on him.)

Wish You Could Maintain Radio Silence

, , , , | Right | October 30, 2017

(I am a producer at an AM radio station that has an affiliation with a television news station. With a generally older listenership, this is an example of the kind of calls I get on a daily basis.)

Me: “[Station], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, is this [Station]?”

Me: “Yes, it is, sir. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, channel five is in Spanish”

Me: “Your television channel?”

Caller: “Yes. Can you fix it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I think you have the wrong number. This is the radio station”

Caller: “Yes, I know that. What I want is to know why they are speaking Spanish on channel five.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t think I can help you with that. You should try calling your service provider”

Caller: “I am calling my service provider. You control that news station with that weather guy. So, why can’t you fix my TV?”

Me: “We don’t control the TV station. We are a radio station.”

Caller: “Okay, put me through to the TV people.”

Me: “I can’t put you through to them. They are a different company. You have to call a new number. They only broadcast on channel ten, anyway; they can’t help you, either”

Caller: “Why can’t you just fix this?! Let me talk to your boss!”

Me: “Sir, I am the producer of this show. I’m the only person you can talk to right now; you called the hotline.”

Caller: “Jesus Christ! I’m writing a letter!”

Me: “Thanks for listening. Have a nice day.”

(Never did see that letter. He probably sent it to the TV station.)