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His Excuse Is A Non-Starter

| Working | August 23, 2012

(One particularly cold winter morning, I wake up to discover my car wouldn’t start. So, I bundle up nice and warm and make the half-hour walk to work. As I am settling in at my desk, I get a call from my coworker.)

Coworker: “Yeah, hey, could you cover for me? I’m not coming in to work today.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “It’s so cold, man. My car won’t start.”

Me: “So? My car wouldn’t start either. I walked. You can too!”

Coworker: “But, dude, it’s so cold and so far!”

Me: “What are you talking about? I live on the other side of town. You live across the street!”

(Sure enough, I look out my window, and lock eyes with my coworker, who is looking at me through his kitchen window. He quickly closes the blinds.)


Boss In The U.S.A. (And Everywhere Else)

| Working | June 8, 2012

(I work at a radio station. The station manager likes to keep her desk close to the control room to be in on the action. One day, the morning show host is on the phone to a manager in another department, and has had to hang up the phone rather quickly to do his cut-in.)

Announcer: “The Boss, Bruce Springsteen here on [radio station’s name]…”

(The announcer finishes his cut in. When he’s done, the station manager jumps up from her desk and comes running into the control room.)

Manager: “How DARE you call [other manager] ‘the boss’! I AM YOUR BOSS AND YOU NEVER FORGET THAT!”

Announcer: “I wasn’t talking about [the other manager]. I was on the air. I was talking about Springsteen.”

Manager: “Why would you call Springsteen the boss?!”

Announcer: “‘The Boss’ is a fairly common nickname for Springsteen.”

Manager: “Oh. Well, he’s not your boss either! I AM, AND YOU NEVER FORGET THAT!”

Stupidity Killed The Radio Star

, , , , , | Right | July 8, 2010

(I work at a radio station. This caller is live on the air.)

Me: “Hello! What would you like to hear?”

Teenage Girl:Fireflies!”

Me: “By Owl City?”

Teenage Girl: “Woah! I hear my voice!”

Me: “Yeah, you’re on the air.”

Teenage Girl: “Molly! If you can hear this, I’m so totally sorry about kissing your brother!”

Me: “Uh…”

Teenage Girl: “Are you going to play I Like Big Butts or not?”