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That Is One Sad Sandwich

, , , , , , , | Working | CREDIT: oldconfusedrocker | February 22, 2024

I love, love, love to cook. I am a great cook, and I cook from scratch daily. Years ago, I worked in an office with about forty other people. I was asked daily what I’d brought for lunch, and I would bring extras from time to time to share. Regularly, I would get asked if they could have a taste. Sometimes I shared, sometimes I didn’t; it depended on how much I’d brought that day and how much I liked the colleague.

One fine day, a certain coworker approached me in the break room.

Coworker: “That smells great. I’ll give you my bologna and mayonnaise sandwich if you give me your lunch.”

Me: “No, thank you.”

She just kept standing there, glaring at me.

Me: “We good?”

She mumbled something and stomped off. This woman was always mad, so I didn’t give it another thought.

A few hours later, I got a call saying that the district manager needed to talk to me in his office. I went in, and we passed some pleasantries.

District Manager: “What happened in the break room today?”

I’d already forgotten about the incident.

Me: “I don’t know. What happened? You tell me.”

This woman had filed a complaint with Human Resources calling it RACIAL DISCRIMINATION because I wouldn’t give her my lunch.

What. The. H***?! Seriously? I told my side and explained that I did not like her lunch. Her race wasn’t even on my radar. She was lazy, bitter, and entitled, and I had no problem saying I didn’t like her at all.

Eventually, she got called in to tell her side of the story. She went into a huge diatribe.

Coworker: “[My Name] gets homecooked meals every day! I don’t know how to cook. She was clearly discriminating against me when she said no! I deserve her lunch!”

Huh?! Now she and the manager were both staring at me. I took a moment to gather my thoughts and then said:

Me: “I hate mayonnaise. I hate bologna even more. And nowhere is there a policy stating that I have to give my lunch to someone who asks for it.”

We all stared at each other for a few minutes before I was sent back to my desk — without a write-up.

After that, my lunches started disappearing out of the fridge. I’m pretty sure it was [Coworker], but I couldn’t prove it. So, I got a cooler and kept my lunches at my desk.

A few years later, when I got married, she filed a complaint when she wasn’t invited to the wedding. It didn’t matter that I didn’t invite anyone from work to our wedding. She was still offended.

The last complaint she filed with HR against me was when I wouldn’t accept her Facebook friend request. She claimed everything was racial discrimination. In reality, she was a throughly unpleasant person.

And I was happy to move to another job and never see her again.

Y2Killing Your Business

, , , , , , , , , , , | Working | February 20, 2024

I was a software developer at a financial institution in London in 1999. There were about eight members of the development team, split equally between permanent employees and contract staff.

Permanent employees had job security and a career at the bank, and they got paid vacations and a relatively low annual salary. Contract staff were hired (in theory) to work on specific projects for short periods and then let go again, were not employees of the bank, and therefore got none of the associated benefits (vacation time, sick leave, etc.) and were paid extremely well, by the hour worked.

I was a “permie”. I was working with people who were probably making twice what I was making for the exact same job, but at least I had the knowledge that the bank cared about developing my skills and knowledge as a long-term employee and that, therefore, I’d have interesting projects to work on.

This was particularly important in 1999, because as some among you will remember, in 1999, the world’s computers were all about to be killed by the Y2K problem. As a result, all the bank’s code needed to be examined and tested to make sure it wasn’t going to get confused and fall over on January 1.

I was quietly working away on whatever the h*** I was working on when two senior managers were fired. This was the beginning of much unpleasantness. The new guys came in, decided that it was bonkers to be paying the contract developers all this money, and immediately fired them all. Not employees, so no redundancy and a significant reduction in payroll. However, it was something of a shock to the contractors, at least one of whom had been working there “temporarily on three-month contracts” for at least six years.

The next thing they did was ask what was going on with Y2K testing. This was a slightly unfortunate order to do these things because it was the contractors who were just about to start on the Y2K testing. After all, they were the ones who were supposed to be doing the crappy boring projects.

Side note: If you’ve never done Y2K testing, thank your lucky stars. It’s as crappy and boring a project as they come. The developer literally had to go line by line through god knows how many thousands (millions?) of lines of code looking for date fields. Even if he knew there were no date fields, he still had to go through them for “compliance reasons”. It was like looking for an elephant in a haystack, but having to individually mark down each strand of hay as being “not an elephant”. Then, he’d have to try to run a test to prove that the system wouldn’t collapse when the date was set to after January 1, 2000. The problem with this was that the bank’s systems, as you might imagine, were extremely complex. When the developer set up a test environment with the date 1/1/2000, the programs would fall over EVERY SINGLE TIME. Not because of any date issues, but because some file would be missing, or missing data, or data didn’t reconcile, or for a million and three reasons that had nothing at all to do with the date. Just an incredibly tedious, frustrating, mind-numbing, skill-sapping, Sisyphusian task. I was so grateful that I didn’t have to do it; it was worth the lower pay to avoid that.

With the contractors gone, I had to do it.

All four of the permanent staff were moved onto the Y2K testing project. It was grim.

It got grimmer.

Suddenly, the business found they had no developers working on any other projects. They were, understandably, a bit miffed that the new software they’d been promised was no longer on the cards. They complained bitterly to the new management. The new management agreed that something must be done.

They hired new contractors at higher hourly rates. It was hard to find people in 1999 because everyone needed Y2K testers who didn’t know anything about our systems because they hadn’t been there for the past six years learning everything. They put those guys on the interesting business projects, while we permies got to keep the Y2K testing because we were the only ones who “knew where to look”.

I have little recollection of the next few months because my brain shut down fairly quickly after that. But a couple of things stood out, one of which was the pettiest decision I’ve ever seen. One of the perks of the job was that we were given company mobile phones — hey, it was 1999, so that was still a (small) perk then — so we could be on call twenty-four-seven in case anything went wrong overnight. Sometimes it did, and those times were frenetic and stressful because the bank’s overnight processing simply had to complete running before the bank could open for business the following day. In return for being on call (with no extra pay if we spent the night debugging some disaster), we were allowed to use the phones for (moderate) personal use and the company picked up the tab. Woo-whee.

New management decided that this was an unnecessary extravagance. “Return the phones,” we were told, and then, once we’d bought our own replacements, “Please give the number to overnight support so they can call you if they need you.”

This was the point at which we told them to f*** off. It was also around this time that I was called in to ask my views on how things were going and how morale was in the group.

I told them that we felt we’d been treated like s***, and if it carried on like this, the whole team would quit. If we wanted to work on terrible projects, we could all get new jobs in a week or two, for more money, and probably with free mobile phones thrown in.

It carried on like that, and we all quit. Three successive Fridays were someone’s leaving party. Another guy and I finished on the same day, the last Friday.

To cap the incompetence, the bank elected not to have any of our replacements start until the Monday after the last of us had finished. They didn’t have us interview any of the candidates, so they were hiring programmers without any idea whether those people could actually, you know, program. They really didn’t want to let us meet and talk to our potential replacements!

They then asked me to spend my last week documenting all of the systems so the new programmers would have some idea of how everything worked. If there is anything in the world more boring than Y2K testing, it’s documenting systems, and if they thought I was going to work my socks off for them… Well, let’s just say I did a basic professional job and included a note for the new guys wishing them all the very best of luck (they were really going to need it) and suggesting they didn’t throw away the number of the headhunter who’d placed them there.

Partly Cloudy With A Chance Of Impossible Demands

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2024

Client: “I want a 2D animated promotional video for my company.”

Me: “What style did you have in mind? Can you send me an example of what you’re thinking?”

The client sends me Pixar’s “Partly Cloudy” as an example.

Me: “That’s CGI animation. I usually work in 2D.”

Client: “Yes, CGI 2D animation. That’s what I want.”

Me: “Not quite. Also, that’s from Pixar. If you want it to look like that, it’s a little outside of my skill.”

Client: “I’ll pay you 400$ for it.”

Me: “…”

Client: “Okay, fine. 500$.”

Me: “…That’s a really tempting offer, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline because I think you deserve better than me.”

Guys… I think I just “it’s not you, it’s me”-ed a client.

A Life Lesson Learned Before It’s Too Late

, , , , , , | Working | February 15, 2024

When I was in my late teens, I had this conversation with my first boss.

Boss: “You have done such good work. The only way I can repay you is by promoting you and not giving you a raise.”

Me: “Huh?”

Boss: “You see, the more money you make, the more you spend. I want to save you from this terrible vicious circle.”

I resigned immediately after this conversation. I thanked him profusely for the opportunity and the lesson and told him that, following his logic, I’d be better off making nothing.

Scheduling Whiplash

, , , , , | Working | February 13, 2024

One of my first jobs is at a gas station. One of the managers gets demoted, and we get a new manager. She starts on my day off, and I’m due in the next day. But apparently, within her first hour of clocking in, she’s completely changed the schedule. And she has told. Freaking. No one. 

So, I go in the next day, and to my surprise, one of the other cashiers asks if no one has told me about the schedule change. Nope. But sweet, extra day off. I check the schedule again. Heard that? I CHECK IT AGAIN, and I see that I am also off the next day as was originally scheduled. Coolio.

I go home, make plans for the next day, and carry on with my plans in a city two hours from home the next afternoon.

At about three o’clock, I get a call.

New Manager: “Where are you?”

Me: “Um… sorry, who is this?”

New Manager: “[New Manager]? Your boss?

Me: “Oh! Oh, I’m sorry! I’m still not really sure what’s going on. I checked the schedule,and it said I was off to—”

New Manager: *Interrupting* “Yeah, I changed that.”

Me: “Uh… Okay, that’s fine, but no one told—”

New Manager: “It’s your job to know your schedule, not mine to tell you!”

Me: “Okay, I get that, but if you’re going to change it when I’m not there to see it, you should probably—”

New Manager: “It’s your job to know the schedule. You were scheduled for 2:00, and you need to get here.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not going to be possible. I am sorry, but I’m over two hours away in [City]. By the time I get to the train station, get the train, and get back, there’ll only be a little under an hour left of my shift. I can’t—”

New Manager: “So, you’re just not coming?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no possible way for me to even get there on time to even work the—”

She hangs up.

Okay. Whatever. I go about my day, and go in the next day, as scheduled.

[New Manager] is sitting in the office waiting like a spider, shoving a write-up for a “no call, no show” in my face.

New Manager: “You need to sign this. This is just not a very good first impression of you.”

I declined to sign it and took a picture of the schedule with all her pencil marks from changing it. I told her if she tried to make me sign it again, I’d be taking it to her boss. 

She spent the rest of my time there making my life miserable. I was written up for having water spots on the OUTSIDE of the roller grill. I was written up for “being out of uniform” because I didn’t wear my hair up “high enough”? She wrote me up for putting my head on the counter to STRETCH when no one was even in the store, and we were freaking CLOSED.

My last straw was when she tried to write me up for reading on my break, saying I wasn’t allowed to have books at work at all.