(I’m taking one of my first driving lessons. I’m doing well because my partner has been teaching me for six months prior to this lesson with a driving school instructor. We’re coming up to a four-way intersection. We’re on one side and there is another car opposite us, turning right.)

Instructor: “Okay, so we’re coming up to an intersection now. Quickly, tell me who has right of way here?”

Me: “I do. I’m going straight, and he’s turning right.”

Instructor: “Well done. And what if he was going straight? Who has right of way?”

Me: “…It wouldn’t matter. We’re both going straight.”

Instructor: “Wrong! Oh, wait…”

(I changed driving schools after that.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Um, I’d like the… is the teriyaki good?”

Me: “Yes, it’s one of our most popular subs.”

Customer: “Okay, a teriyaki chicken sub on… Italian Herbs & Spices?”

Me: “Italian Herb & Cheese? No problem.”

Customer: “Yes, sorry. Uh, not toasted. Can I have that dark orange cheese?”

Me: “The old English? Sure. Which salad would you like?”

Customer: “Um… lettuce, tomato… cucumber, carrot… ooh, and just a little bit of onion.”

Me: “Of course. Would you like the Sweet Onion sauce?”

Customer: “Is that good with that?”

Me: “It’s the recommended sauce, yes.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Yes, please. Boy, I bet I’m just the worst customer!”

Me: “Not. Even. Close.”

(I work in the kitchen department of a furniture store.)

Customer: “This kitchen says $899.00. What do you get for that price?”

Me: “Well, miss, that price covers kitchen cabinets, a bench top, legs, and handles, but not the sink, tap, or appliances.”

Customer: “So, you get everything?”

Me: “Everything except the sink, tap, and appliances.”

Customer: “Oh, so you don’t get the sink, tap, or appliances, but everything else?”

Me: “Yep, everything else in that kitchen.”

Customer: “So, you get the wall?”

Me: “No… the wall is not included.”

Customer: “But it says everything except the sink, tap, and appliances. It doesn’t say you don’t get the wall.”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, I am confident that I cannot sell you our wall.”

Customer: “Are you sure? Can you check for me, please? Can you just make sure because that’s not what it says.”

Me: *speechless* “I’ll get my manager.”

Manager: “No, ma’am, the walls are not included with the price of our kitchens. Otherwise, we could only sell four of them before we’d need to rebuild the entire store.”

(I work in one of Australia’s most popular consumer electronics companies. One day, I have an older lady of about 70 years come in to return a digital radio.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Can I point you in the right direction?”

Customer: “No, I’m here to return this radio. The world has gone stupid!”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Customer: “I turn the thing on and it says ‘scan channels’! I don’t get any sound!”

Me: “Did you press the scan button?”

Customer: “No. Why would I do something stupid like that?”

Me: “It’s how you get the channels, ma’am. You scan the stations and then just press the ‘next’ button to find what you’re after.”

Customer: “The world has gone stupid! I’m an educated lady! Why does everything have to be so difficult?”

Me: “Did you read the manual, ma’am?”

Customer: “It’s a f****** radio! I shouldn’t have to read any manuals.”

(I show the customer exactly what is needed to be done.)

Customer: “I’m an educated old lady! I shouldn’t have to learn anything new! The world has gone stupid! You’re all a bunch of morons! The world is supposed to be getting easier!”

Me: “And how is pressing two buttons so difficult, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, how do I tune it then?”

Me: “As I just showed you, ma’am, you press this button.” *points to “scan”* “Then, this button.” *points to “next”* “Keep pressing it until you find the station you want. It’s simple.”

Customer: “The world is stupid! Things are meant to be getting easier, not harder!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what would you like me to do about it?”

Customer: “I want a digital radio that works like the old-style transistor.”

Me: “We don’t have those, sorry.”

Customer: “You do! I saw them there when I bought this piece of garbage.”

Me: “These ones? These are analogue, not digital.”

Customer: “How is that my problem?”

Me: “You can’t pick up the digital channels with these.”

Customer: “And?”

Me: “You bought this one because you wanted the digital channels, yes?”

Customer: “I would have thought that obvious!”

Me: “Analogue won’t pick up digital. It also isn’t as clear.”

Customer: “The world has gone stupid! An educated woman like me shouldn’t have to learn anything new!”

Next Customer In Line: “Have you ever thought you’re the stupid one lady? It’s two f***ing buttons! I’m older than you and I can use one!”

(She continues to mutter about the world and its stupidity while leaving the store after insisting on a refund.)

(I over-hear two members of our Star Wars costume group. We only ever dress up as the bad guys from the movies.)

Her: “Hey. Uh… I noticed you’re doing your best to pick up Sally?”

Him: “Yeah, she’s pretty cute.”

Her: “You do realise she bats for the other team, right?”

Him: “You mean, she’s a Jedi?”

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