Jingling, It Would Seem, Is Not The Key

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2011

(I’m working in the cheese section of the deli, with my back turned to the meat slicer. Suddenly, I hear jingling. I check the floor to see if I dropped something, then continue working. The jingling resumes. I turn around and notice a customer at the meat slicer counter, jingling his keys at me. He then starts making noises one would use to call a pet.)

Me: “Sir, we have bell.”

Customer: *looks at bell*

Customer: *pauses*

Customer: *jingles keys*


This story is part of our customer treating staff less-than-human roundup!

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It Will Be All Right Angled On The Night

, , , , , | Right | September 14, 2010

(I had dealt with this customer three hours before this phone call to make a 16×20 frame. I’ve given them a copy of the bill so they can see all the information.)

Customer: “I think the girl who did my order made a mistake! I think she wrote the sizes in backward.”

Me: “Backward? Did she write 61×02?”

Customer: “No. Where it says ‘width’ she wrote 20, but the width is 16!

Me: “Did she write 16 as the height, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! But that means the frame will be longer than wide.”

Me: “The frame looks the same on all sides, ma’am. 20×16 and 16×20 are the same size. All they’ll have to do is turn it 90 degrees.”

Customer: “They’re smart enough to do that?”

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Can’t Take The Heat Of A Melting Pot

, , , | Right | August 24, 2010

Coworker: “Hello, sir. Are you looking for something?”

Customer: “I refuse to be helped by you. You’re Chinese. You’re another one of these darn immigrants stealing the honest Canadians’ jobs!”

Coworker: “Well, my grandmother is from Japan, but I assure you I was born in the province of Quebec.”

Customer: “Lies, lies, and lies!” *spots me* “Finally, a prime example of our good Canadian youth. Young sir, can you help me, please?”

Me: *in my New Brunswick accent* “Sure I can. What are you looking for?”

Customer: “What kind of accent is this? Are you German? Or Russian? Get me the manager! I don’t understand how a sane person could hire these instead of a hard-working Canadian!”

Me: *grabbing the phone* “Calling Maria to front desk.”

Customer: “Maria?! That’s Latino!”

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Napoleon Dynamite Goes To The Zoo

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2010

(I am in front of the tigers’ exhibit.)

Visitor: “Excuse me, where is the lion?”

Me: “They are on the other side of the park. Just follow the path to your right.”

Visitor: “What? You don’t keep the lions and tigers together?”

Me: “No. In the wild, they don’t live together.”

Visitor: “But how do they reproduce? The male lion needs to be with the female tiger!”


This story is part of our Clueless Zoo Customers roundup!

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It Will Be Kilo-Hours Before He Gets It

, , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2010

Me: “All right, your cell phone will be in service in twenty to thirty minutes.”

Customer: “How much is that in American time?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well, in Canada you use the metric system, right?”


This story is part of our Metric System roundup!

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