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Calling Back Is Not His Calling

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(I work in a call center and offer customer service through chat. I am completely separate from the phones.)

Customer: “Here is my phone number. Call me.”

Me: “I apologize; I do not have access to the phones. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Customer: “YES! My phone is not working, and I want you to call me and fix it now!”

Me: “We can’t do technical troubleshooting on the chat.” *I give him all information on how to call technical support*

Customer: “NO! I don’t want to call technical support! My phone is not working! I want you to send a technician now!”

Me: “Only technical support has access to sending out technicians for technical issues. You will need to call them to get this fixed.”

Customer: “What don’t you understand? MY PHONE IS NOT WORKING!”

Me: “If your phone is not working, then how could we call you?”

(He was wordless for a few seconds, then started to say he never asked for a call, and kept pushing for technical support until he closed the chat 15 minutes later.)

Entitlement Comes Before The Custom

, , , , | Friendly | September 22, 2017

(I put a sign in my building saying I’m renting my parking spot monthly for the winter. A few days later, another tenant calls me.)

Tenant: “I saw your sign, and I’m wondering if I could pay every week instead of every month?”

Me: “I’d really prefer monthly checks to make it easier for everyone.”

Tenant: “I don’t know how checks work. Can’t I just meet you every week to give you money? See, it’s quite expensive, and I can’t afford it one month at a time, so I need to pay you every week. Also, could you lower the price because I’m on a low income?”

Me: “Sorry. As I said, I’d like the full amount to be paid monthly by check; it’s much more simple for me.”

Tenant: *getting flustered* “But I can’t use checks, and it’s too expensive, and I can only pay one week at a time. You’re not at all accommodating to your customers!”

Me: “Lady, I’m not a business; I’m just renting my parking spot. I don’t owe you anything. I hope you find another place to park. Goodbye.”

I’ll Tell You When You’re Older

, , , , | Related | August 17, 2017

(When I was born, my older sister was initially ecstatic to have a baby sister to play with and dote on. As siblings do, however, we get into fights at times. One day, I snub her like I sometimes do when she attempts to interact normally with me, thinking that she just wants to poke fun at me as usual. This apparently greatly upsets her, as she goes crying to our mom, fed up.)

Sister: *wailing* “Why did you have to give birth to a little sister?”

Mom: “Well, if not a little sister, what did you want?” *thinking that the answer would be a ‘little brother’*

Sister: “Why couldn’t it be… WHY COULDN’T BE IT AN OLDER BROTHER, INSTEAD?”

(My mom had to keep a straight face as she gently explained why it couldn’t be.)

All Manner Of Craziness

, , , , | Related | July 24, 2017

(I’m at a family dinner, for the holiday seasons. We are all at the table, ready to eat, when I notice onions in my plate. I hate them, but resign to just pick them out and pass them to my father and uncles who will gladly take extra. My cousin, 13 years old, who’s sitting beside me, notices and decides to comment. I’m 19 years old.)

Cousin: “[My Name], what are you doing?”

Me: “I don’t like onions; I’m taking them out.”

Cousin: *cringe* “I don’t like them, too, but my parents showed me manners!” *she then proceeds to hold her breath in an attempt to numb the taste and forces herself to eat some*

(Truth be told, parenting never was a strong point in this family. I pretty much raised myself up but I always have had a love for education, etiquette, and protocol — which the rest of the family loathes. So, no one cares about “proper manners,” and she’s really only imposing it on herself. I don’t reply, thinking if it makes her feel great, why not? But, soon enough, I can see the struggle. She looks pretty green, has to take a pause to breathe in and out before taking a bite, and is clearly getting a gag reflex.)

Me: “You know, you look super green. Stop. Nobody cares if you just pass on the onions and not eat them yourself. It’s ok, I swear. Don’t do that to yourself, please.”

Cousin: “No, I’m fine. I have manners, [My Name].”

(She’s having tears forming at this point and won’t listen to me. The rest of the family are being oblivious to the situation. I know what’s coming and distance myself as much as I can from my cousin. I make a last attempt to talk her out of it.)

Me: “[Cousin], look, good manners are important but vomiting on the table is not appropriate, too…”

(She opened her mouth to reply to me, only to empty her stomach all over her plate, table, floor, and herself. Cue for the rest of the family to wake up and start a crisis. Who got blamed? Had to clean up? And somehow got talked into taking her cousin to a medical clinic? Yes, that would be me. I didn’t mind as it excused me to leave early. I also know I’m the only one who would decide it was bad enough and not to blame my cousin who just had good intentions despite the results. And, that’s how we found out that night that she has an intolerance to onions.)

Two Plus Deux

, , , , , | Right | June 20, 2017

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book about the history of mathematics. Can you help me?”

Me: “Sure, do you want a book that’s in French or in English?”

Customer: “In mathematic!”