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Just Got Owned And The Owner Isn’t Even Here

, , , , , | Right | February 13, 2018

(I work in a hotel.)

Guest: “Come on. You can give me a better rate than that! I know [Owner].”

Me: *feigning glee* “Heeeyyy! Me, too!”

Guest: “Hmm… No. I mean, I know him! Personally!”

Me: “ME, TOO! I was just at the BBQ bash he gave for his best friends, associates, and business partners. How come I didn’t see you there?”

Guest: *gives up and accepts the standard rate*

Giving Them Room For Doubt

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2018

(A man calls in and asks to be transferred to a guest’s room, which I oblige since he has the name of the guest. Ten minutes or so later, I recognize the same man’s voice, calling for the same room, and I transfer him again. Finally, he calls for a third time not a minute later.)

Caller: “I want to talk to [Guest].”

Me: “Okay, sir. I’ll transfer you…”

Caller: “No, no one is answering.”

Me: “Maybe he is out of his room.”

Caller: “What do you mean, he is out of his room? Did you see him?”

Me: “No, I did not see him, but—”

Caller: “He just checked in a few minutes ago.”

Me: “Maybe he decided to go to a restaurant, or to the bar, or just out for fresh air?”

Caller: *pause* “People do that?”

Locked Himself Out Of His Own Understanding

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(I work in a large complex. Two buildings are the hotel, where we sell rooms per night, but three buildings are for monthly rental, like apartments. In both cases, people check in at the hotel’s front desk. One day, an older man comes in wanting to visit a room to rent for the month. I make him a magnetic swipe key for one of the rooms so that he may go visit it. A good ten minutes later, he comes back, looking rather flustered.)

Guest: “There is no lock to put the key in!”

Me:  “What do you mean, there is no lock?”

Guest: “Just that: there is no lock in the door! There is one on the building door, which I swiped, and it worked, but on the room door there is nothing in the door to swipe the key.”

(I recall that our maintenance staff have been having issues with the locks lately, are waiting for new ones to be delivered, and have been taking locks from currently unavailable rooms and putting them on available ones so that those rooms may still be sold. I think perhaps they have taken the lock from this particular room and forgotten to alert the front desk. I apologize to the man and offer to let him visit another room, in the same building.)

Guest: “Well, is it going to work this time, or am I only going there for nothing again?”

Me: *thinking there is no way maintenance could have forgotten twice to block a room* “There should be no problem.”

(I make him a key and let him go, but he returns in less than two minutes and starts yelling at me.)

Guest: “What the f*** are you doing to me? Are you having fun with me?”

Me: “No, sir. What—”

Guest: “There is nowhere to put the key in that one, either! You take those two rooms off your list, now! Who’s your manager? I want to see him, now!”

(I explain that my manager is going to be here later tonight, and the man storms off, promising to come back. Puzzled by what the man seemed so adamant about, I call my houseman to check the two rooms to see what is going on. He comes back to me and says he got in, no problem, and that there is nothing wrong with the locks to the room. He doesn’t understand why the man said there wasn’t a lock. He stops to think one second and says:)

Houseman: “Well… it’s a different model of lock than the one on the building’s door.”

Me: “How so?”

Houseman: “Well, most of our locks are like the one on the building’s door, which requires the key card to be held at a perpendicular angle from the door, with only the magnetic stripe sliding through. The model on those rooms, though, is the one for which you have to hold the key flat against the door lock and slide the whole card down into the slit.”

(I instantly recalled what he was talking about, as I have naturally seen them myself, but I couldn’t believe anyone couldn’t figure out how to put the key in them. When I retold the story to my manager, when he came in, he laughed so hard he said it would be a pleasure to point the man’s lack of intelligence to him should he come back to see him. He never did, unfortunately.)

Enough To Make You Grind Your Teeth

, , , , , | Healthy | January 27, 2018

(I’ve been going to a dentist clinic for a few months. I love the place and the staff; they’re considerate of the expensive costs of treatments, they’re friendly, and they take the time to explain options. The moment I get dental insurance from work, I become a regular patient to fix all the little things I’ve been putting off. Sadly, for some reason, the dentist turnover becomes high. At this point, I’ve seen four different ones already. I’ve had all my repairs done, got a mouth guard for grinding my teeth, and am just finishing a yearly cleaning.)

Dentist #1: *who I’ve never had before* “Well, everything looks good on your x-rays. We’ll see you in six months!”

(A month later, I’m back with a pretty infected tooth that requires a root canal treatment. Yet another dentist, the first male one I’ve encountered, greets me.)

Dentist #2: *cheerfully* “How are you?”

Me: “Well, I’m here because I’m in a lot of pain, so—”

Dentist #2: “Oh, no. You’re doing well!”

(I’m a bit annoyed that he would tell ME how I’M doing, but I let it go. He starts the procedure, after pressing his belly into the back of my head twice while looking for tools and not apologizing. Towards the end, there is terrible pain, which I had not been warned about in any way. I’m crying and upset by the time I get out, just in a hurry to leave that place. It hurts more than the tooth did before he did anything to it. Because my insurance is almost maxed out for the year, I end up paying several hundred dollars for the procedure. And we’re just in May. A week later, the temporary seal, which I was not told was temporary, starts coming off while I eat. I had been told I would need a crown, but since nothing else was explained, I thought I was good to go until the following year, having told them about the insurance being maxed. I see [Dentist #3], who says I should get a screw and a crown, and nods when I explain I have to wait, as I don’t have $1,500 to pay for it. She puts a white filling over the tooth in the meantime. The clinic calls me three times for me to get an appointment for the screw and crown, the third one in November. I explain the insurance thing to the receptionist, and schedule an appointment in January. A week after the November call, my gums around that tooth begin swelling when I eat, so I go back.)

Dentist #4: “The filling has just slightly been dislodged, so it’s rubbing against your gums. We’ll fix it for free, since we have a warranty on repairs.”

Me: “When was the last time I came for a cleaning?”

Dentist #4: “In mid-April.”

Me: “And when did I come back with an infected tooth?”

Dentist #4: “In May.”

Me: “Is it really possible for [Dentist #1] to have missed a tooth that ended up infected a month later? She did take x-rays.”

Dentist #4: *is silent for a while, looking at the computer, then, slowly* “Yes, it’s not visible on them.” *points vaguely to the x-rays, which I obviously have no knowledge to interpret*

Me: “Okay. Also, the dentist who performed the root canal treatment didn’t warn me about the pain, and didn’t explain that the seal was temporary.”

Dentist #4: “Well… sometimes when dentists explain all the procedures and costs needed, it scares the patient.”

Me: *in shock* “Well, that’s dishonest.”

Dentist #4: “I understand that you don’t like it.”

(I leave after the repair a bit shaken. Before I leave I ask her to confirm that my $800 mouth guard will not have to be replaced after getting the crown, as I was told by another member of the staff that this might be necessary. The next evening, [Dentist #4] calls and leaves a voicemail.)

Dentist #4: “Hello, I’m calling to set up an appointment for the screw and crown. Please call back.”

(Nothing was said of the mouth guard, and the message disregarded the fact that I HAD an appointment set in January already. I couldn’t call back that evening. The next morning, at 11, I got a call from the receptionist, asking me again to make an appointment! I asked her to cancel the one I had in January, and not to call again. Surely other clinics have staff that have it together.)

Getting Into A Jumble-aya

, , , , , , | Working | January 25, 2018

(I go to a restaurant with my family for no special occasion other than no one wanted to cook. When we get there, we sit down, and our waitress takes our drink orders and returns with them very quickly. Most of this conversation takes place in French, but I will translate.)

Waitress #1: “What can I get you today?”

Mom: “Soup and salad.”

Sister: “Cactus chips—” *thick potato chips with a spicy dip* “—and a jambalaya, but with gluten-free noodles, please.”

Waitress #1: *missed the gluten-free part* “Okay, would you like garlic or cheesy bread?”

Sister: “No, gluten-free, please.”

(The waitress make a correction on her pad.)

Waitress #1: “Oh, yes. Sorry.”

(I know I will mispronounce the name of what I want in French, so I just point to the picture.)

Waitress #1: “Okay, perfect.” *leaves to put in the order*

(The waitress brings the cactus chips and my mom’s soup with no problem. It is when the main course arrives that things get funny. [Waitress #2] brings our food. My sister is given gluten-free noodles with some mystery sauce on it. It is clearly not her jambalaya.)

Sister: “I ordered a jambalaya with gluten-free noodles.”

([Waitress #2] is confused, but takes it for the correction.)

Waitress #1: *comes out after being informed of the mistake, while filling water glasses at another table* “Oh, I am so sorry. It is my fault; I entered it in wrong.”

Sister: “Oh, it’s okay. We understand the mistake.”

(The waitress sees my mom’s nearly empty lemonade glass. It looks a bit like ice water and not lemonade, and the waitress fills it with her water pitcher. While filling she realizes her mistake.)

Waitress #1: “This wasn’t water, was it?”

(We all lose it and burst out laughing. My mom tears up from laughing so hard. While we compose ourselves, the waitress replaces her drink.)

Waitress #1: *with the new lemonade* “I am so sorry, again.”

Mom: “It is okay; that was hilarious! We do understand. But it is getting late and we have to go; can you put that jambalaya directly into a to-go container for us?”

Waitress #1: “Sure.”

(Later, [Waitress #2] is trying to help her colleague and brings out the jambalaya. We are trying not to laugh at this waitress, and when she leaves we just snicker about the new mistake. [Waitress #1] returns to the prep area, sees the food is missing, and hurries to our table.)

Waitress #1: “Sorry, when I went in for your food it was already gone. I will take it and put it in a to-go container for you.” *takes the food and leaves*

Me: *when the waitress returns so we can pay* “Don’t worry. You know, there is always that one table where, no matter what you do, nothing goes right.”

Waitress #1: *relieved* “Yes, and unfortunately it was you guys, today.”

(While paying we told her some other mishaps that happened to us in other restaurants, like the time I had a ketchup bottle explode in my face. We left her a nice tip. We are calling this outing the comedy of errors. We want this waitress again; I mean, you can’t beat this two-for-one special: buy food get a free show.)