Where I am, the law states that stores can only sell beer and wine up until 11:00 pm, and the registers will refuse all sales at 11:00 on the dot — they won’t even scan at that point until 8:00 am — and at 9:00 we lock the door so people can only be buzzed in or out. One night, at 10:50, two guys come in, of age, asking about what beer is on sale.

Me: “We have [lists brands], but you have less than nine minutes to get it to the register; otherwise, I can’t sell it to you.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

The customer is clearly not listening. I go about my business tidying things up and doing my job. I see it’s now 10:55. They’re still looking at different beers, picking up the cases, looking at the prices, discussing, just taking their time, so I go into the beer fridge.

Me: “Hey, guys, if you want beer, you have to grab it now and come to the register. At 11:00 exactly, the registers don’t allow any sale of alcohol; it’s out of my control.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, yeah.”

Customer #2: “Hey, man, we’re deciding; just give us a minute.”

As they say this, other customers come in for random snacks, soda, cigarettes, etc., and I vaguely forget why the original two customers are in. They finally decide on a case after another five minutes, and when they come to the register, there are three people ahead of them. I see this, and when finishing with the first customer I let them know:

Me: “Hey, guys, I can’t sell you that. Please either put it back or put it down, and you can buy anything else, but both legally and literally, I cannot sell that to you until 8:00 am tomorrow.”

They don’t respond and just roll their eyes. They finally make it to the cash, and I’m hoping (incorrectly) that it’ll be easy.

Customer #1: “Hey! So, just this, and two packs of cigarettes!”

Me: “Two packs of cigarettes coming right up!” 

As I say this, I grab the case of beer, put it on the floor behind the register, and turn to grab what they asked for.

Customer #2: “Hey, man, that’s not funny. Give us our beer.”

Me: “I told you multiple times and was nice enough to warn you when you had five minutes. You’re well past the cut-off point of buying beer.”

Customer #1: “You didn’t say s***, you f****** a**hole! You’re gonna give us our beer for free now for this or I’m going to jump over that counter and f****** kill you.”

I’m used to angry people by now, so the second he got belligerent I hit the silent alarm, and the police station is literally across the street, so within seconds I can see three officers walk out the front steps and cross the street, headed straight for our door.

Me: “Our cameras record sound, too. And kudos to you if you can reach me before they reach you.”

I pointed to the officers moving very quickly towards us. It very quickly turned into the most bizarre cat-and-mouse game inside the store I’ve ever seen, with one of the idiots trying to run full speed, arms outstretched, into a pull door laughing, thinking he was making it home free.

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I witnessed this on TV over 30 years ago. It was the time where taxes on cigarettes in Quebec got very high. There were a lot of robberies of convenience stores, and they were stealing only cigarettes. Then, in the news, they showed a video of a robbery captured on security camera footage. A group of guys broke into a convenience store carrying a large trashcan, and while two of them grabbed all the cigarettes they could and put them in the trashcan, one, all smiling with a face saying, “D***! I’m so smart!” approached the camera with a pair of snippers and cut the video wire.

Apparently, Mr. Genius thought that cutting the wire would “erase” everything. Of course, they never took the videotape out. Police caught them a few days later.

During the same period, I was working as a service rep for a copier company. I got a call because there had been a break-in at a customer’s convenience store and the copier was damaged. It turned out that glass shards from the front door had fallen into the copier when the cigarette robbers broke in. Their location was slightly remote.

The police were still there when I arrived.

I asked the manager if he had them on a security camera.

He said, “Actually, it’s our third break-in. They figured out the schedule of the police rounds and hit when they were the farthest from here. The first two times, they managed to break into the office and grab the cassette. But not this time. We secured the VTR and jammed the cassette in. The police are looking at the footage as we speak. Smiling.”

(I am female, living in a complex of three identical small apartment buildings. I’m going about my day when I notice that the Internet and phone lines are down. A few minutes pass, and someone knocks on the door. I’m stoked, since it’s a technician from my telecommunication company.)

Tech: “I’m here to hook up Jean-François.” *a typical French MALE name*

Me: “Sorry, no one by that name lives here.”

Tech: “You’re not Jean-François?!”

Me: *getting annoyed, since it’s clear that I’m neither a man nor am I actually moving in* “Nope, but can you check my connection? Everything’s down..”

Tech: “We can’t do that; we’ve disconnected this place since Jean-François has contacted us to say he was moving here, and that the old renters were gone.”

Me: “There’s been a mistake. I never contacted you to disconnect me, and no one has moved in.”

Tech: “Well, that’s the info we’ve got. You’ll need to give the company a call, and they’ll send a tech to reconnect you.”

(I tried insisting, but off he went. I had to go find a payphone — this happened a bit before cell phones were as generalized as they are now — and finally got through. Jean-François had moved into the same apartment number, but in the neighbouring building. I had to wait more than a week for them to come and connect me again. They never gave me any type of discount for the days for which I wasn’t connected, so I switched companies.)

(I am looking for a new job and I come across an ad in the job search section of the website managed by the government. It is for a cutting-tool distributor, looking for an IT technician.)

Job Description:

– Manage the computer system. Upgrade needed.

– Update the inventory database.

– Manage the inventory.

– Create a new brochure and a new catalog.

– Update and maintain the website.

– Take care of shipping and receiving.

– Answer the phone.

Post: permanent, full time, 35 hrs/week.

Salary offered: $13.45/hr

(I passed.)

(This is the good old time of landlines. I answer the phone.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yeah, pass me Bull.”

Me: “Who?”

Guy: *overly pronouncing* “Buuuuullllll! Paaaaassss meeee Buuuuullllll!”

Me: “I think you have the wrong–”

(Then, I hear a voice in the background.)

Background Voice: “What’s going on?”

Guy: *not even trying to muffle himself* “It’s his stupid sister; she won’t pass him!”

Background Voice: “Maybe his family doesn’t call him by his nickname but his actual name.”

Guy: “Oh, yeah… Can I speak to [My Brother]?”

Me: “Sure, stupid.”