Someone once put up a nameplate in our engineering office:
Nameplate: “Herdaing Katz, engineering manager.”
I have no idea if it was an actual person or not. I was afraid to ask!
I work for a big box store as a backroom employee. The core of my job is to unload trucks and stock shelves, which means I handle a lot of product and open a lot of boxes. Unfortunately for me, I have delicate hands that seem to get cut on just about anything I touch, including deodorant and blankets. I’ve tried various gloves, and I’d rather face the paper cuts than rashes from the gloves I can find. It’s a running joke at work that I consume an excessive amount of bandaids daily.
This time, I’m helping to stock refrigerated items, and lo and behold, the edge of a package of cheese nicks me pretty good. Recounting this event later in the break room, I tell my coworkers this:
Me: “It was some sharp cheddar.”
Cue a room full of groaning.
I work in a small engineering office. It’s the last day of work before the Christmas shutdown, and I’ve taken the opportunity to try and finish filing the massive pile of paperwork on my desk that has accumulated over the past year into a bin bag. The only other person in the office is my coworker, who is doing a similar job. It’s his last day here, as he has a new job starting in the new year.
We’re chatting away, and as so often happens in any conversation that has me in it, the topic turns to puns. I’ve just told a joke and received a huge groan in response.
Me: “Yeah, that was a bad one.”
Coworker: “By definition, all your puns are bad.”
Me: “That’s true.”
Coworker: “Have you seen the new film Jungle Cruise?”
Me: “I haven’t, but I’ve heard The Rock tells lots and lots of bad puns. You know, I never thought I would hear anyone comparing me with The Rock.”
Coworker: “I meant just the bad puns.”
Me: “No, I prefer to believe my first thought.”
Coworker: “He said in it, ‘My girlfriend was cross-eyed.’”
Me: “Let me guess: we could never see eye to eye?”
Coworker: “Yup! And he thought she was seeing someone on the side.”
Me: “A lovely example of vitreous humor.”
My coworker says nothing but gives me a blank look.
Me: “The liquid inside the eye is called Vitreous Humor.”
Coworker: “Yeah, that went straight over my head.”
Me: “Next time, I’ll do something a little bit cornea.”
My coworker groans and collapses onto the desk.
Coworker: “You know, this is one bit of the job I’m not going to miss!”
I am agnostic and my girlfriend is an atheist. My last name is Chan.
I was just hanging out with my girlfriend and talking when, somehow, the topic of what we would name our theoretical future children came up. Neither of us took it at all seriously, and we were both trying to come up with the worst possible names we could give the poor kids.
Girlfriend: “Oh, oh! I’ve got the perfect name: Christopher!”
Me: “Why’s that perfect?”
Girlfriend: “Because we would be raising him to believe everything we believe, of course.”
Me: “So?”
Girlfriend: “So, he will be the only Chris Chan I’ve ever met that doesn’t believe in God!”
As I recall, I ended up throwing a French fry at her for that one. Years later, she is now my fiancée. No news yet on any Chris Chans, though.
Dear readers,
PUNS. They make us groan, they make us chortle and slap our knees, and they make language a lot more fun. We love puns around here (and our commenters do, too!), and even more than that, we love inflicting them on our readers!
Please enjoy these 10 pun-tacular stories from our archives, and be sure to leave some of your own in the comments!
I’ll Raise A Glass To That Pun! – The mark of a good pun is a response like this.
Death By Chocolate, Part 8 – We’d make an ice cream joke, but it’s too spoon.
Hammering Home The Dad Jokes – He has truly ascended to Peak Dad Status.
