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They Could Hear Us Groaning In Montana

, , , , , | Working | September 1, 2021

The boss is working out of state to assist a different location, so my coworkers and I have to update a location log to show where he is. 

Coworker: “Is Montana ‘MT’?”

Me: “No, I’m pretty there are people somewhere in that state.”

My coworker cracked up laughing.

Pure Poetry

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2021

A guest approaches my pretzel stand. I happen to be with my manager.

Guest: “Can you help me? I can’t find my father.”

She opens her touristy fanny pack, which is full to the brim with odds and ends, and shows me her phone.

Guest: “Battery died. Can I use your phone?”

I’m about to say that we’re not allowed to carry phones while on shift, but my manager allows the woman to use his phone. She calls her elderly father and we manage to find him nearby, safe and sound.

My manager has a big smirk on his face once we find the father, and I ask him about it. He simply points to the customer’s fanny pack.

Manager: “It’s a knick-knack fanny pack, give the girl a phone. Her old man is roaming alone!”

Me: “…I quit.”

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Dad Jokes Aren’t All Greek To You

, , , , , , | Working | June 1, 2021

I’m currently in a weekly planning session with my coworkers. Due to the recent health crisis, we’ve been primarily working from home, and today, some of our team are back in the [City] office to socialise for the first time in months. They’re discussing their plans for lunch and where they’ll be going.

Colleague: “Well, it was a fifty-fifty between Greek and Thai, but we decided to go with Greek.”

Me: “So, what you’re telling us is that you had a Thai-breaker?”

The entire team groans.

Team Leader: “How can you have such bad dad jokes without having any kids?”

He’ll Be Flying On That Pun High For Ages

, , , , , , | Romantic | May 25, 2021

My husband and I are sitting in the living room talking when we hear a strange, loud, mechanical sound coming from outside.

Me: “Wow, some really weird plane must be flying overhead. I’ve never heard one quite like that. What kind do you think it is? Or could it be a helicopter?”

My husband shrugs his shoulders, grinning, and puts his hands out to the sides with his palms up in a classic “I don’t know” gesture.

Husband: “It’s hard to be certain when things are all up in the air.”

I still think that was the best pun he’s ever made!

Soon You’ll Be Groaning Alone

, , , , | Related | May 14, 2021

My brother and I are driving around a run-down plaza parking lot.

Brother: “See that company? They’re always sending me junk mail to give me loans!”

Me: “You should call them and tell them to leave you… alone.”

Brother: “W—”

Me: “Oh, my gosh! I just made an unintentional pun!”

Brother: “That means it’s not funny!”

Me: “No, it’s more funny!”

We argued, but I think I’m right.