(My husband and I are at my parents’ for dinner tonight and came early to help set up. Mom had eye surgery last week so we’re not letting her do anything so she recovers well. She’s one of those people who always likes to have something to keep her busy so she keeps trying to pitch in anyway.)

Dad: “[My Name], if you could set the table. [Husband], we’re using disposables so we won’t have to worry about dishes — they’re in the cabinet. [Mom], sit down and relax and stop trying to help!”

Mom: “But I need to do things! Or all my muscles will turn into Jello!”

Dad: “That’s okay! Then you’ll be what they call… Atrophy wife.”

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(My husband is untraditional in his romantic gestures and it suits our whimsical natures quite well. One of the sweetest sentiments he has ever written to me is, “Every day… you surprise and delight me. Every. Single. Day.” One Saturday, we are both in moods and stressed and grumpy and sniping at each other all day. This evening, he sits heavily down on a dining room chair and sighs. I go over and sit on his lap and put my arms around him. We sit there hugging for a while and he finally says:)

Husband: “I remember this. I like this.”

Me: *in a dismayed tone* “I did not do anything to delight you today!”

(Before he can respond, I reach around him and turn off the dining room light.)

Me: “There, now you are de-lighted!”

(We ended up in a tangle on the floor because he was laughing so hard he fell off the chair.)

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(I have gone to the supermarket, which is three stories with a clock tower. On top of the tower is a duck. I find this amusing so take a photo of it and send it to a group chat on Facebook with the following.)

Me: “I know ducks can fly and all but on top of [Supermarket] clock tower is a little quackers.”

Friend: “He’s visiting his cousins in the frozen aisle. They’re in the spring rolls.”

(While I love my job, it is very stressful and I couldn’t imagine being a manager or the theatre rep. My manager often threatens to promote me in a joking manner, which always gets a few laughs.)

Manager: “I don’t know what I want. Either coffee or food.”

Coworker: “Go for the caffeine, man.”

Manager: “Yeah, but I’m really hungry and only have time to grab one. So it’s either coffee or food. Maybe cake.”

Me: “Why not a—” *pauses for effect* “—coffee cake?”

Manager: *through laughter* “That’s IT! Promote her!”

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(At the time, my roommate is planning for a trip to New York City to visit her mother and see a few Broadway shows.)

Roommate: “I know when I get there I’m sure I’ll feel fine and I’ll really enjoy everything, but right now, I’m just so tired! It’s hard to imagine having the energy for it all at the moment.”

Me: “I can see it now. The next big Broadway show: ‘Naps!’”

(She laughs, then thinks for a minute. Then…)

Roommate: “It’ll be a sleeper hit!”

Me: *groans*

Roommate: *laughing* “It’ll be an OVERNIGHT sensation!”

Me: *groans louder* “Stop!”

Roommate: “Wait, wait, one more! How can it be popular… in ‘the city that never sleeps’?!”

(I threatened to spray her with the squirt bottle we use on the cats.)

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