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Cake Is Promotion

, , , , , , , | Working | February 7, 2017

(While I love my job, it is very stressful and I couldn’t imagine being a manager or the theatre rep. My manager often threatens to promote me in a joking manner, which always gets a few laughs.)

Manager: “I don’t know what I want. Either coffee or food.”

Coworker: “Go for the caffeine, man.”

Manager: “Yeah, but I’m really hungry and only have time to grab one. So it’s either coffee or food. Maybe cake.”

Me: “Why not a—” *pauses for effect* “—coffee cake?”

Manager: *through laughter* “That’s IT! Promote her!”

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Can Come Up With Puns In Your Sleep

, , , , | Friendly | October 25, 2016

(At the time, my roommate is planning for a trip to New York City to visit her mother and see a few Broadway shows.)

Roommate: “I know when I get there I’m sure I’ll feel fine and I’ll really enjoy everything, but right now, I’m just so tired! It’s hard to imagine having the energy for it all at the moment.”

Me: “I can see it now. The next big Broadway show: ‘Naps!’”

(She laughs, then thinks for a minute. Then…)

Roommate: “It’ll be a sleeper hit!”

Me: *groans*

Roommate: *laughing* “It’ll be an OVERNIGHT sensation!”

Me: *groans louder* “Stop!”

Roommate: “Wait, wait, one more! How can it be popular… in ‘the city that never sleeps’?!”

(I threatened to spray her with the squirt bottle we use on the cats.)

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This Is A Bad Sine

, , , , | Learning | July 31, 2016

(We are in maths class; I’m bored so start making puns.)

Friend: *overdramatically* “I’m hungry for maths knowledge.”

Me: “Try eating some pi.”

(I got a mixed response of laughs and groans. Later:)

Friend: “My calculator is my all powerful weapon!”

Me: “What are you going to do with it? Divide and conquer?”

(Mostly groans. After the bell has rung:)

Me: *realising there’s pie in the canteen today* “You know I think they should serve us our pie in boxes.”

Friend: “Why?”

Me: “Because pie are squared, of course!”

(My friend walked away and didn’t talk to me until the next day.)

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So Much Pun

, , , , , | Hopeless | March 14, 2016

(I’m zoning the laundry aisle at a popular retail store. An elderly couple walks down the aisle. The husband makes a pun of every name brand he walks by.)

Customer: “CHEER up, dear. We’re in a new ERA now. We’re ALL together, and have everything to GAIN. So SNUGGLE up, but be careful. There’s a TIDE coming in, so SURF’s up!”

(Best. Old dude. Ever.)

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Red-Hot Romance

, , , , , , | Related | November 23, 2015

(I am dating a boy with rust-colored hair. He is the youngest in his family, which otherwise consists entirely of people with dark brown hair, and the next youngest sibling is twenty years older than him.)

Me: “You’re a natural redhead?”

Boyfriend: “Yes!”

Me: “But everyone else in your family is dark-haired… That is strange.”

Boyfriend: “Well, my parents waited twenty years after my brother to have me, so they got a little rusty at it.”

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