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An Inconvenient Pun

, , , , | Working | September 1, 2017

(The manager and I are standing behind concessions. It’s a weekday afternoon during the school year, so things are slow, and we’re standing there in an awkward silence.)

Me: “If former Vice-President Gore were to release an album of him playing the drums, he would have to call it ‘Al Gore Rhythms.’”

Manager: “Um… wow… Why don’t you go clean… something?”


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It’s A Family Affair

, , , | Romantic | July 26, 2017

(I got a text message from my dad telling me that my step-mom had done a DNA test and that her results are back. They indicate that my step-mom has a first cousin in our extremely large metropolitan area.)

Dad: “[Step-sister] and [Step-mom] are doing their ancestry. They are finding that they could be related to the [Married Last Name] family. They traced it to a [Husband’s Paternal Grandmother] married to a [Husband’s Grandfather] in [City my in-laws live in], who died in 2008. [Husband’s Grandfather] died in 2012.”

Me: “Wait, Are you saying my husband is your wife’s first cousin once removed?! I always joked that [Husband] looked like he belonged in the family more than I did.”

Dad: “Yep!”

(I tell my husband.)

Husband: “So, does that make me your… cousband?!”

Puns That Make You Weak

, , , , | Romantic | July 19, 2017

(My husband and I are at my parents’ for dinner tonight and came early to help set up. Mom had eye surgery last week so we’re not letting her do anything so she recovers well. She’s one of those people who always likes to have something to keep her busy so she keeps trying to pitch in anyway.)

Dad: “[My Name], if you could set the table. [Husband], we’re using disposables so we won’t have to worry about dishes — they’re in the cabinet. [Mom], sit down and relax and stop trying to help!”

Mom: “But I need to do things! Or all my muscles will turn into Jello!”

Dad: “That’s okay! Then you’ll be what they call… Atrophy wife.”


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Jokes So Bad It Leaves You Light-Headed

, , , , | Romantic | July 9, 2017

(My husband is untraditional in his romantic gestures and it suits our whimsical natures quite well. One of the sweetest sentiments he has ever written to me is, “Every day… you surprise and delight me. Every. Single. Day.” One Saturday, we are both in moods and stressed and grumpy and sniping at each other all day. This evening, he sits heavily down on a dining room chair and sighs. I go over and sit on his lap and put my arms around him. We sit there hugging for a while and he finally says:)

Husband: “I remember this. I like this.”

Me: *in a dismayed tone* “I did not do anything to delight you today!”

(Before he can respond, I reach around him and turn off the dining room light.)

Me: “There, now you are de-lighted!”

(We ended up in a tangle on the floor because he was laughing so hard he fell off the chair.)


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This Kind Of Humor Should Be A (Hoi-Sin)

, , , | Friendly | June 4, 2017

(I have gone to the supermarket, which is three stories with a clock tower. On top of the tower is a duck. I find this amusing so take a photo of it and send it to a group chat on Facebook with the following.)

Me: “I know ducks can fly and all but on top of [Supermarket] clock tower is a little quackers.”

Friend: “He’s visiting his cousins in the frozen aisle. They’re in the spring rolls.”