Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Germans Don’t Joke About Sports

, , , , , , | Working | January 10, 2022

I work for a small company in an “at-will” state, meaning you can be fired at any time and the person firing you doesn’t have to give a reason. The owner of the company is of German descent, though this isn’t publicly known; I know it because he grew up on the same block I did and our families are friends.

We’re all eating lunch together in the break room and watching a tennis tournament on the TV. A German player loses, and one of my coworkers speaks up.

Coworker: “That must be one sour Kraut.”

Owner: “[Coworker], you’re fired.”

This Pun Was A Real Hit

, , , , , , | Related | October 21, 2021

My teenage daughter and I are at a Renaissance Festival listening to a musician. I say something to my daughter and she punches me in the arm.

Wife: “What did you hit Dad for?”

Daughter: “Tell her.”

Me: “I just said I knew that musician. During periods of civil disorder, he breaks into businesses and steals stuff.”

Wife: “…”

Me: “He’s a luter.”

Wife: “Hit him again.”

You Think You’re Just A-door-able, Don’t You?

, , , , , , , , | Working | October 11, 2021

I work in a small engineering office for a manufacturing company. I’ve been on the shop floor and am entering the office through the door, which I open (I thought) as normal. Apparently not.

Admin Assistant: “Don’t open the door so violently! You’re getting as bad as [Coworker #1].”

Me: “Was I? My apologies. I shall endeavour to open it in a calmer manner so I don’t become unhinged.”

As I go to sit down, I’m waiting for some comment, but there is nothing.

Me: “What, no reaction?”

Admin Assistant: “Nope!”

Coworker #2: “Well, I just silently shook my head.”

Me: “Oh, well.”

Just then, the door is flung open. [Coworker #1] enters and makes his way to his desk.

Me: *To [Coworker #1]* “Apparently, I open the door too violently.”

Coworker #1: “Who said that?”

Admin Assistant: “I did! You know I’m always telling you not to open the door so wildly; [My Name] is doing it just as badly.”

Me: “And she never even reacted to my pun!”

Coworker #1: “What pun was that?”

Me: “I said I would try to open it more calmly so I don’t become unhinged. Not even a groan! Maybe she likes my puns now. Maybe she… a doors them.”

Just then, from the other side of the office, comes a strangled noise.

Admin Assistant: “Urgh!”

I stick my arm in the air triumphantly.

Me: “There it is!”

It’s Easy To Get Tangled Up In The Brambles Of A Pun War!

, , , , , , | Working | September 24, 2021

There’s a music and DVD store I frequent where I have some great chats with members of staff about upcoming movies and so on. I’ve been asking [Employee #1] and [Employee #2] about the “Watchmen” TV series, and the conversation had moved on to “Swamp Thing,” a plant-like creature in the DC Universe.

Me: “I remember listening to an interview with Alan Moore about how he was given that writing job.”

Employee #1: “So, you’re going to take us back to Swamp Thing’s roots?”

Me: “Oh, very good!”

[Employee #2] put his head in his hands, slumped over the till, and muttered, “Oh, God.”  He lifted his head toward me.

Employee #2: “Please don’t get him started. He’ll never stop.”

Employee #1: “I suppose I should leaf it?”

Me: “Should I apologise for planting the seed of these puns?”

Employee #1: “He finds them a blooming nuisance.”

Employee #2: “Ugh! Stop it!”

Me: “Hey, I like a good bit of pun tennis.”

[Employee #2] nodded toward [Employee #1].

Employee #2: “So does he.”

Employee #1: “The other day it was literal pun tennis. I was texting him non-stop tennis puns. I just served him one after the other.”

Me: “There was no letup?”

Employee #1: “Ace! He didn’t love any of the set and didn’t want to join in the game.”

Employee #2: “No more!”

[Employee #1] then turned toward [Employee #2].

Employee #1: “Have you got one?”

When he didn’t reply, I said:

Me: “Maybe we should leave him a lawn?”

Employee #2: “I’m not joining in… Clay off!”

[Employee #1] and I gave him a little cheer!

They Could Hear Us Groaning In Montana

, , , , , | Working | September 1, 2021

The boss is working out of state to assist a different location, so my coworkers and I have to update a location log to show where he is. 

Coworker: “Is Montana ‘MT’?”

Me: “No, I’m pretty there are people somewhere in that state.”

My coworker cracked up laughing.