I work for a small engineering business. The company is run by a couple of directors who have a small office off of the open-plan office where we designers work. One of the directors looks after the finances and manufacturing side, whilst the other director looks after the engineering and technical side of the business. It is fair to say that their sense of humour is heavily innuendo-based, and at times, I have gone into the office for some engineering reason but left after watching a “Beavis And Butthead”-style performance. 

For example, this morning, I have to make some amendments to a drawing after the engineering director requests a minor cosmetic change. I make the changes and bring in the modified drawings to be attached to the manufacturing route card — the all-important bit of paper that gives the machinist the instructions to make the item. The route cards are then passed on to the finance director who orders material, etc., and sends them on for manufacture. This particular item is a shaped dowel that provides support for the part when it is clamped in place on a mitre saw. This part is called a button. I give the engineering director the drawing.

Engineering Director: “Thanks.”

He starts searching his paperwork-strewn desk for the route card.

Engineering Director: “Have you got the card?”

Me: “No, you didn’t give that to me.”

Engineering Director: “Are you sure? I haven’t got it here.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I haven’t, but you’ve got me doubting myself now. I can go and check my desk. Did you give it to [Finance Director]?”

Engineering Director: *With a grin* “Have you got saw buttons?”

The finance director responds loudly with a huge smile on his face.

Finance Director: “Sore buttons! Have I got sore buttons! How can you tell? Is it the huge grimace on my face?”

Anyway, that was this morning. Fast forward about half an hour, and I’m sat at my desk doing drawings and manning the phones whilst I wait for my lunch to start. My technical manager is having his lunch. The finance director comes out of his office making a jokey comment about how much work he has to do.

Technical Manager: “In a bit, is it okay if I come and see you before [Vendor] arrives?”

Finance Director: “Sure.”

Technical Manager: “I’ll come in when I’ve finished my yoghurt.”

Finance Director: “Finish the yoghurt? Is that some kind of euphemism?”

I try to insert a comment.

Me: “Clearly he is a man of culture!”

But I am largely ignored.

Finance Director: “I need to see my wife so I can finish my yoghurt!”

I realise that I am not going to be able to join in, so I decide to listen and enjoy the floor show whilst I work. I pick up my mug of tea and take a swig. Just then…

Technical Manager: “Very creamy and peachy.”

My half-mouthful of tea exits my mouth. Fortunately, as my mug is still in my mouth, the tea just returns to the mug. I swallow back a coughing fit, and with mock indignation, I call out:

Me: “Don’t say things like that! I very nearly sprayed my keyboard!”

Technical Manager: *Very suggestively* “Sprayed it with what?”

And my reaction to that? Let’s just say I had to wait a minute or two before I was able to finish my drink.

I work in a small office as a design engineer. It’s getting toward the end of the day, and I’m sort of concentrating on my 3D design. The reason for the lack of full attention is that the director has come out of his office to talk to the technical manager, [Coworker #1], and [Coworker #2], and it’s hard to ignore. Just as well, as when my name gets mentioned, I am already up to speed.

They need a new motor for one of our machines, and our regular supplier is still on furlough. [Coworker #1] has suggested another contact, [Representative]. The director groans and starts moaning about how annoying [Representative] is.

Director: “He just goes on and on about motors. He won’t stop talking about them! Good call, though, [Coworker #1]! I ought to get [Coworker #2] or [My Name] to deal with him. Maybe one of [My Name]’s War And Peace-length emails will put him off contacting us again. [Coworker #2]… if you ever talk to him, you’ll end up learning everything there is to know about motors, even if you don’t want to.”

Me: “So, what I’m getting is that [Representative] is a bit of a motor-mouth.”

There follows a lot of groaning, and the director rubs his forehead. He turns and points at me.

Director: “That’s it; you’re going to have to deal with him, [My Name]!”

With that, he returns to his office.

Coworker #1: “You’ve wound him up, [My Name]!”

There are more laughter and groans.

Technical Manager: “I really want to join in with this, but I won’t.”

He looks at me and nods towards the director’s office.

Technical Manager: “You’re gonna get shafted.”

There are yet more laughter and groans.

Me: “He didn’t seem that phased.”

Groans…

Coworker #1: “He’ll be put in a cage.”

He notices the blank looks and lack of reaction and starts to explain to [Coworker #2], before trailing off.

Coworker #1: “A cage induction motor…”

Me: “Yeah, that was a bit of a leap, and I think [Coworker #2] has lost his bearings.”

More groans!

Coworker #1: “Yeah, he’s not a fan.”

Laughter!

I grab my mug and head to the door.

Me: “Anyway, I need to clean my mug, as I don’t want to stator late!”

Our store just got the TAP feature on our PIN pad machines about a week ago and both customers and associates are happy that we finally have it. I am working at the self-checkout. I scan a man and his wife through and click the payment screen for them.

Me: “All right, your total is [total]. You can either TAP or chip in the bottom here!”

The man starts tap dancing.

Wife: “What are you doing?”

Man: “Well, she said I could tap as a way to pay, so I’m tap dancing!”

His wife just shook her head at him and told him to just pay already! I thought it was silly, at least, and it was a nice little laugh for the day!

This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for November 2020!

Read the next Feel Good roundup story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for November 2020!

Dear readers,

We aim to entertain you in a variety of ways on this site, from satisfying tales of bad customers getting their comeuppance, to sharing the funny and bizarre happenings that most people miss in this big wide world. Sometimes, however, we just want to throw a bad pun or dad joke your way! The bigger the groan, the better! Puns are not everyone’s cup of tea, but for the NAR editors, there is no tea-total! (Sorry…)

We’ve roundup up fourteen punny stories from our archives that are bound to make you laugh, moan, and hopefully leave a punny reply in the comments!

A Positive Ending – This roundup starts salty, and just gets worse…

Bad Jokes Are Music To Their Ears – We hope this is not how they try to talk to wo-man.

So Much Pun – Be prepared for some very PUREX puns.

(more…)

I work in a small open-plan office. I have just finished writing a technical manual, so I hand the hard copy over to my technical manager for checking. As a precursor to asking if anyone else wants a drink, I make a comment.

Me: “Well, I think I’ve earned myself a cup of tea.”

Before I can ask if anyone else wants one, my technical manager responds.

Technical Manager: “You get paid in tea now, do you?”

Me: “There’s a thought.”

Coworker: “The rate you go, you’d be paid a fortune.”

Me: “Can you imagine the problems that would happen if anyone found out about me being paid in tea? Trouble brewing!”

There are a lot of groans around the office, and the admin assistant’s head falls into her hands with a comment of, “Oh, [My Name]!”

Me: “You don’t know how much pleasure your collective cries of agony gave me.”