Driving Miss Crazy

, , | Right | April 13, 2009

(I was coming home on the bus and overheard a conversation between an elderly lady and the bus driver.)

Lady: “Oof! Do you mind?! You’re so awful!”

Bus Driver: “I’m sorry, ma’am? What’s the problem?”

Lady: “You keep starting and stopping the bus! I keep falling forward and backward, and it’s taking so long for me to get home. It’s getting dark!”

Bus Driver: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am. I have to stop at the designated stops.”

Lady: “Stop making excuses! There’s no reason to be doing this. Just ignore the stops!”

Bus Driver: “So you want me to ignore all the other people wanting to get on the bus?”

Lady: “Well, yes! Finally you understand! You can go back afterwards and get them! Is it so much to ask for good help anymore?!”

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The Cutter Gets Queued

| Right | August 25, 2008

(I work at a cookie store in a train station and am serving a customer; there are a few people waiting behind him. Suddenly, a man comes and pushes in front.)

Customer: “Five white chocolates!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have to finish serving these people first. Only then I will serve you.”

Customer: “But I have to catch a train!”

Me: “So does everybody else… This is a bloody TRAIN STATION!”

Customer: *looks a bit scared, nods his head, and goes to the back of the queue like a good boy*

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Murphy’s Law And Customers: Do Not Mix

, | Right | July 25, 2008

Customer: “Hey, I’m booked to get the train tomorrow at 0800 to Manchester. Can you tell me if the train will be on time?”

Me: “Good morning. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to predict if it will be on time, but this one is fairly reliable.”

Customer: “How come you can’t just tell me if it’s going to be on time?

Me: “Well, there’s any number of things that could go wrong on the day that I couldn’t predict. For example flooding, the train breaking down, maybe even a sick dri–”

Customer: “Oh, my god! All those things are going to be wrong with the train?”

Me: “No, I’m sure not all that will happen at once. Those are just examples.”

Customer: “So it’s on time, then?”

Me, giving up: “Yes, it’ll be on time.”

Customer: “Great, why didn’t you just say that?”

(Sure enough the next day the whole mainline was brought to a standstill by a lorry hitting a rail bridge.)

Customer: “YOU SAID IT WOULD BE ON TIME! NOW I’M GOING TO BE F****** LATE!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I doubt I would have been able to predict that! There will be a bus coming to take you to a different station where you can–”

Customer: *rants abusively*

Manager: “Look, would you just piss off? We are not omniscient! Next time you need to book a train, book it somewhere else!”

Customer: *storms out*

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