(I work in the ticket office at a train station. One night a customer with very poor English comes up to me.)

Customer: “Cawidge.”

Me: “I’m sorry, where are you headed?”

Customer: “Cawidge.”

Me: “Cambridge?”

Customer: “No, I go Cawidge.”

Me: “Can you write that for me?” *I hand him a piece of paper and a pen.*

Customer: *shouts something in a foreign language to someone on the other side of the station, who comes running up.*

Customer’s Friend: “He go Cawidge.”

Me: “Yes, can you write that for me please?”

Customer’s Friend: “Uh… Cawidge. Brummum?”

Me: “Birmingham?”

Customer’s Friend: *excitedly* “Yeah, yeah! Brummum! Brummum Cawidge!”

*it suddenly clicks*

Me: “Oh, University of Birmingham?”

Customer: “Yeah, cawidge!”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price]. In future though, don’t ask for the College, ask for University of Birmingham. Okay?”

Customer: “Yew… nee… verse… Brummum!”

Me: “… Yeah, that’ll do.”

(I’m a Caucasian expat living in Singapore. I’ve learned to speak the local creole well enough to get by, as my foreign accent often comes across as unintelligible. On the train on my way home from work one night, a Caucasian man steps into my carriage.)

Man: *looks around, spots me, and openly gawks* “Oh, THANK GOD!”

(He practically runs towards me and sits right next to me, despite most seats being unoccupied.)

Man: “Another NORMAL person, finally! Aw, man, I can’t tell you how great it is to see you! I mean, this place is ridiculous! It’s full of… Asians!”

Me: *raises an eyebrow while frowning*

Man: “Yeah, like, I wanted a holiday and everything, but I didn’t want a tropical place that didn’t have stores and bars and stuff, y’know? So the travel guy said Singapore would be good, but everyone here is bloody Chinese or something! I don’t know what’s wrong with the place!”

Me: *trying my best to sound as local as possible* “Aiyah, why you come Singapore one ah? Dis one cannot lah!”

(The man looked terrified and scooted away.)

(I am walking up the steps from the subway station to catch a bus home from university, and notice a man busking at the top of the stairs. No one is paying attention to him, and I feel bad, but I don’t have any cash on me, so I make sure to smile at him as I walk past.)

Performer: “Hey. Wait!”

Me: “Sorry, me?”

Performer: “Yeah, you! You smiled at me. God bless you!”

Me: “Oh, you’re welcome!”

(He seemed absolutely delighted, and it made me happy as well to get a reminder of how easy it is to make someone’s day a bit better.)

(I am a younger man who uses a cane to walk. As we are getting on the train, a woman kicks my cane out from under me.)

Woman: “Watch where you’re going, a******!”

Me: “You kicked my cane!”

Woman: “It was in the way! You are in my way! Godd*** cripples! I hope you die!”

(I am a natural redhead, and I always get comments on how nice my hair is and how it’s the same shade as a popular type of ginger hair dye. The following exchange happens between me, my mother, and an elderly woman when I am seven years old.)

Stranger: *looks at my hair* “Oh, gosh, honey. How old are you?”

Me: “I’m seven years old, miss!”

Stranger: *to my mother* “How dare you?!”

Mother: “Excuse me?”

Stranger: “Letting your daughter dye her hair at such a young age! It’s despicable!”

Me: *confused* “But—”

Stranger: *ignoring me* “It’s almost as bad as putting makeup on her or letting her get strange piercings!”

Mother: “Actually, that’s her natural hair color.”

Me: “Yeah, it—”

Stranger: *still ignoring me* “And you have the audacity to lie to my face about it! What sort of role model are you trying to be to your children?!”

Me: “MISS!”

Stranger: *finally looking at me* “There’s no need to yell, dear.”

Me: “But this is my natural hair color. My mum had ginger hair before she dyed it blonde, and both my grandmas had ginger hair. I’ve never had any other hair color than ginger, and I think you’re being very rude!”

(The woman was obviously shocked and proceeded to move as far away from us as possible. My mother was relieved, and I ended up getting ice cream later for “scaring the nasty lady away!”)

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