(It is near Christmas. I am a student at the local university campus travelling home for the holidays and waiting for my bus when a complete stranger, a middle-aged woman, walks up to the bus stop.)

Stranger: “Do you know when the bus arrives?”

Me: “Sure, it’s ten more minutes.”

Stranger: “Okay.”

(The stranger takes a seat in the bus stop shelter. A few minutes pass.)

Stranger: “So, are you full of s***?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Stranger: “I know what you kids are like. You’d better have pooped before getting on the bus! It’s no good if you’re walking around with a bunch of turds in you!”

(I was so creeped out I decided to take a later bus.)

(My first name is a bit unusual and more commonly a last name. While we are talking to the agent it comes out that the other passenger’s last name is the same as my first name. We comment on the coincidence and then had no further interaction. I am male, in my 30s at the time, and dressed very casually. She is at least 20 years older, dressed extremely elegantly and is sitting several seats away. We are also different races. In short, there is nothing to indicate we are connected in any way. When the shuttle driver shows up he has a paper with our names on it. He announces himself and leads us out to the van. From the time he appears he acts distant and cold, almost hostile. It doesn’t make sense until we are seated and he gets on the radio to request our luggage.)

Driver: “I need the luggage for [My First Name].”

(I waited a moment.)

Me: “You need to get my luggage on, too.”

Driver: “Wait, you aren’t together?”

Me: “If you look, you’ll see that’s her last name and my first.”

(He was embarrassed, but made the additional request. Although he said nothing after that I believe his attitude was based on a bigoted reaction to thinking we were a mixed race couple after being too lazy to read his information properly.)

(At this point in time I am a university student and also working in a bar. I support myself financially and am on the very crowded train home. I am always mistaken for being younger than I am, but in Australia, high school students wear uniforms.)

Business Woman: “Humph.”

(I ignore her as I am reading my textbook.)

Business Woman: “HUMPH!”

(I continue to ignore her.)

Business Woman: “You need to stand.”

(I glance up and she glares at me.)

Business Woman: “You need to stand.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Business Woman: “Kids today are so lazy and rude! You need to stand for your elders and show respect!”

Me: “You’re really not much older then me, ma’am, and respect is earned, not given.”

Business Woman: “YOU NEED TO STAND!”

(By now most of the train is looking at us.)

Business Woman: “STUDENTS NEED TO STAND FOR ADULTS!”

Me: “Look, lady, I am an adult. I’m on my way home from university.”

Business Woman: “STUDENTS NEED TO STAND FOR ADULTS!”

Me: “No. Secondary and primary students are required to stand for those that need it if returning home or traveling to school. You appear to be quite the healthy young woman and I’m guessing you work in an office by your attire. I am a tertiary student and, unlike you, I am not going home to sit on my a** or going to a bar to drink with my friends. I have been at university lugging this backpack that’s heavier than I am since 6 am this morning and I am about to go straight to my job to stand on my feet for a further six hours and serve ungrateful, entitled people such as yourself. So forgive me if I do not appreciate your tone or words and forgive me if I choose to take the only spare twenty minutes in the day I have to finally sit down.”

(The woman was quite shocked and hurrumphed some more as she pushed her way towards the doors. The other passengers seemed to find it quite amusing.)

(My friend was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago and is now disabled and walks with a cane that folds up when she’s not using it. She gets on a streetcar one day and sits in one of the disabled seats. An old man runs into the streetcar after she has sat down and folded her cane.)

Old Man: “Excuse me, young lady. You there.”

Friend: “Yes? Can I help you?”

Old Man: “That sign over there, what does it say?”

Friend: “It says ‘please reserve these seats for the elderly and disabled.'”

Old Man: “What about that other sign?”

Friend: “It says the same thing.”

Old Man: “Then why are you sitting there? Don’t you see it says it’s for the elderly and disabled?”

Friend: *not wanting to start trouble* “Mmm-hmmm. I see what it says.”

Old Man: “Then why did you not give me the seat? Can you not read?”

(By now, the other passengers are staring open mouthed.)

Friend: “Yessir, I can read.”

Old Man: “Then what the h*** is your problem? I should’ve had that seat.”

(My friend is at her stop by now, and she gets up and unfolds her cane and begins limping off the streetcar. As she’s about to exit, she turns around.)

Friend: “My problem is judgmental old codgers like you. Being disabled is hard enough without getting s*** from ignorant people.”

(She exited to applause from the other passengers and a very embarrassed and angry old man, who hopefully learned a lesson that day.)

(A friend of mine, my brother, and I are on a trip, traveling by train. My friend is not that bright.)

Brother: “Oh, [Friend], you are just so naive!”

Friend: “What does naive mean?”

Brother: “Just that you are really kind and sweet.”

Friend: “Thank you, [Brother]. [My Name] you are the most naive person I know!”

Me: “Not as naive as you!” *giggle*