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They’ll Huff, And They’ll Puff, And They’ll Moan Their Way In

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 26, 2017

(During a multiple-day family reunion, we go to the swimming pool. A few days earlier I seriously sprained my ankle, and the day before I was on crutches, and I still have a large brace on my ankle. I am also menstruating and have a tampon in. Luckily, the water makes me able to walk easily in the pool without the brace. We get out and go to change our clothes. Because I’ll need to put a new tampon in, and because I’ll need to put on a bulky ankle brace, I use one of the family/handicapped changing rooms rather than a stall, but there are five empty family rooms, so there are enough for everyone. The rooms are numbered. I am starting to do the intricate straps on my brace when I hear someone trying to open the locked door.)

Me: “In a minute!”

(They continue to attempt to open the door and pound on it.)

Me: “I’m almost done. Hold on!”

Woman: “I need this room.”

Me: “I’m almost finished.”

Woman: “I need it!”

Me: “I’m just putting my shoes on!”

Woman: “You don’t understand! He’s very particular about numbers!”

Me: “Sorry! I’ll be out in a second.”

(My ankle is swollen and the brace is bulky, so I have some trouble getting my shoe on. All the while, this woman is legitimately trying to break down the door. I finally finish, and open the door. The woman looks at me, looking up and down my body.)

Woman: “You don’t even have a kid with you.”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

(I figured that she probably had a child with her who was autistic or similar, and I understand that sometimes there’s no reasoning with a developmentally disabled child in meltdown. But I don’t know what she expected me to do, or how breaking down the door was the solution.)

A Crappy Assumption

, , , , , | Working | December 19, 2017

(I always have the habit of knocking on the toilet door at work before I open the door. We always keep the door closed. This particular day I knock and get no answer, so I try the door handle only to find it locked. I just figure someone is in there, so I go back to work. A little while later my manager comes in.)

Manager: “Was that you trying to get into the toilet when I was in there?”

Me: *thinking she was letting me know it was now free to use* “Yeah, it was me.”

Manager: “What the h***? Why would you try to get in when I was in there?”

Me: “I didn’t know you were in there. I knocked on the door and got no answer”

Manager: “Oh, I wondered why someone was knocking on the door, but really you should have known I was in there because the door was closed.”

My Wife The Lobster

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2017

(The accessible stall in our museum’s bathroom is made of two regular stalls, minus the interior partition. One of the existing doors works; the other is bolted shut. Innumerable customers enter the stall, forget which door they entered from, and believe themselves to be locked in. I am at my desk in my office when a man comes to the door.)

Man: “My wife has been locked in your bathroom for 15 minutes!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll call maintenance and send them in to unstick the door, right away.”

(I call maintenance, and they say they are on their way.)

Man: “I’m back. My wife crawled under the stall to free herself. You really should be ashamed of yourself.”


Maintenance: “The door wasn’t stuck. She must have been trying to get out through the old bolted door.”

Me: “Yeah, that happens a lot. I used to think lobster traps were absurd, but after seeing humans forget where their door is, I’m rethinking things!”

One For Stall And Stall For One

, , , , , | Right | October 4, 2017

(I am a very pregnant customer at a fast food joint and I have to use the restroom. I walk into the restroom, which is empty, and go into and lock the biggest stall. As I begin to reach for some tissue, I hear the door open and someone try the handle to my stall, which is locked.)

Lady: “F***!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I’m almost done, but there are other stalls.”

Lady: “I always use this one!”

(To my dismay, she then gets on the ground and tries crawling under the door. All I see is the head and torso of a seemingly normal-looking lady in her early 40s.)

Me: *yelling* “What are you doing!? Get out!”

Lady: *still crawling* “But I always use this stall!”

(At this point, thankfully, an employee walks in.)

Me: “You can use it when I’m done! GET OUT!”

Employee: “What is going on?”

(At the same time, the lady screams that I’m in her stall and I scream that the lady won’t get out.)

Employee: “Ma’am, get off the floor and get out of that stall! You can’t break into a stall like that! And there are two other stalls open and ready for you to use!”

Lady: “But I always use this one.”

Employee: “I don’t care! What were you planning on doing? Sitting on her?! Wait your turn or use a different stall.”

(At this point, the lady begins to wriggle herself back out of the stall, complaining about poor customer service and grumbling that she always, always uses that stall. I am rather shaken up, but I finish my business and rush out of the restroom as the lady rushes into the stall. The employee and a manager are waiting outside.)

Manager: “[Employee] told me what happened, but I’m not really understanding. Can you tell me?”

(I tell him.)

Manager: “I can’t believe this! That customer is a regular, and this has never happened, but let me comp your meal for you and give you some coupons. I can’t apologize enough!”

(The lady comes out of the bathroom while he’s talking to me, and he sends the employee and me to the register to give me a refund and some coupons. I hear him talking to the lady.)

Lady: “That fat girl stole my stall, and I always use that one!”

Manager: “She’s not fat; she’s clearly pregnant. And I don’t care if she weighs 300 pounds; you don’t walk into someone’s stall while they are in the middle of using it! Never, ever come back here!”

(From then on, I used the drive-thru and my own bathroom. Just in case.)

Colour-Blind To Reason

, , , | Friendly | June 5, 2017

(I am on the toilet. The door is locked and a little indicator on the outside to shows that it is occupied. I am just “finishing up” when someone plays with the handle and knocks very loudly on the door. Thinking I will literally be out in five seconds, I don’t say anything. There is then a very loud smack against the door which shakes the room. I flush the toilet and open the door. There is a guy literally charging at the door and practically rugby tackles me onto the toilet.)

Me: *getting up* “What the h*** are you doing?”

Worker: “I didn’t think anyone was in!”

Me: “So you decided to charge the door? If the door didn’t open, you should have expected someone to be in there.”

Worker: “You didn’t shout.”

Me: “I shouldn’t have to. The indicator on the lock says if it’s occupied.” *showing him* “White is open; red is occupied.”

Worker: “I’m colour-blind. I can’t tell the difference.”

Me: “You do realise you’ve just told me you can’t tell the difference between white and not-white?”

Worker: “I’m colour-blind. I can’t tell the difference.”

(He then used the toilet next to me which, from what I was aware, had been open the whole time I was in there.)