Me: “Could I have two gin and tonics, please?”
Server: “Of course!”
The server grabs a glass and immediately pours a double measure in.
Me: “I only wanted them singles.”
Server: “No, you said you wanted two gins. This is two.”
Me: “What I asked for was two G&Ts. If I asked for two beers, would you pour me two pints in a jug?”
Server: “This is two gins!”
Luckily, the manager was on hand to take over.
I’m dealing with a woman who’s furious that I’ve refused to serve her group because one of them looks underage.
Customer: “My daughter is eighteen! Eighteen! I should know, I’m her mother!”
Me: “She doesn’t have ID, and she looks underage. Without ID, I can’t serve her. It’s the law.”
Customer: “Are you calling me a liar? She is eighteen. You have no right to refuse us!”
As she’s winding up for another round, the side door opens, 9:30 PM sharp. My own daughter comes in, still in her school uniform, backpack on.
Daughter: “Hi Mum! Just letting you know I’m home. Going upstairs.”
On her way through, she spots the girl that the customer is defending and waves.
Daughter: “Oh! Hi!”
I look at my daughter, then at the girl.
Me: “…You know her?”
Daughter: “Yeah. She’s in my class.”
The room goes very quiet. I turn slowly back to the woman.
Me: “Right. You and your fourteen-year-old ‘eighteen-year-old’ need to leave. Now.”
She tries to sputter something, but it’s over. They scurry out without another word.
Some friends and I are at a pub. One of them is talking about a job she just left.
Friend #1: “I couldn’t stay at that job any longer. I’m too gullible, and the boss kept gaslighting me! It wasn’t a healthy combination.”
Friend #2: “Actually, it’s pronounced jas-lighting. You’ve been saying it wrong this whole time.”
Friend #1: “Oh my god! Really?!”
Friend #2: “Uh… no. That was a joke.”
[Friend #1] thinks about it for three seconds and then finally gets it.
Friend #1: “Oh my god! That was terrible.”
Friend #2: “Sorry.”
Friend #1: “I’m not sure if that was more gaslighting or mansplaining.”
Friend #2: “Actually, it’s called man-explaining.”
Friend #1: “Shut up!”
My friend manages an Inn in Boston, Lincolnshire, England. They had some American military bases nearby in World War Two, and a few years ago, they had a big event where families of those who served or died in the war came over to the UK to commemorate them.
An American family was stopping at the Inn she manages, and at breakfast, they asked:
Guest: “Did they name the town Boston after the city in the USA to honour the American servicemen?”
Friend: “Uh, Boston is a ninth-century town.”
Guest: “So? That doesn’t answer my question.”
Friend: “No, madam. This town was called Boston first. The American city came after.”
Guest: “Are you sure? Boston is one of our oldest cities.”
The guest’s son, likely in his teens, chimes in.
Guest’s Son: “Mom! Quit it! The inn you’re standing in is three hundred years older than the USA.”
Guest: *Sniffs.* “Well… our Boston has the New England Patriots!”
My friend and I were solving a puzzle. We had to name famous directors.
Me: “I found this one. James Cameron.”
Friend: *Frowning.* “Never heard of him. He probably made films with a lot of bombings and shootings, which I don’t watch.”
Me: “Yes, you do know him. He made that movie… heh, that movie with the blue people…”
Friend: *With a large smile.* “Oh, he directed The Smurfs?”
Yes, she knew I meant ‘Avatar’.
Related:
A Titanic Misunderstanding
