I Propose Kicking Him Out

, , , , , , | Right | February 14, 2016

(I work at an upscale, very romantic restaurant. Valentine’s Day is our biggest night of the year; we’re booked solid for weeks in advance. It’s not uncommon for people to propose, so I’m not surprised when I see another waiter putting an engagement ring in a cake. A few moments later I hear the woman shrieking “yes!” and clapping. Another couple flags me down.)

Male Customer: “What’s happening over there?”

Me: “I think it was a proposal.”

Female Customer: “Oh, that is so romantic!”

Male Customer: *frowns at me* “You’d better cancel the champagne, then.”

Me: “Sir?”

Male Customer: *stabs at his plate* “You can forget the champagne and the strawberries. You’ve ruined the surprise now.”

(The female customer and I exchange looks.)

Me: “Sir?”

Male Customer: “You let that guy propose. I can’t propose now. I’ll look like I’m copying him!”

Female Customer: “Propose?!”

Male Customer: “Not anymore. These idiots ruined it! How could you let someone else propose!”

Me: “Sir, I had no idea you were going to propose.”

Male Customer: “Well, how are you going to compensate me for your mistake?”

Me: “Sir?”

Female Customer: “Honey, it’s not her fault.”

Male Customer: “They ruined our evening. This should have been magical. I demand to see the manager!”

(I go and get the manager. The couple are whispering back and forth and don’t look happy. Other customers and giving them anxious glances.)

Manager: “Sir, is there a problem?”

Male Customer: “Yes! You ruined my evening by letting that man propose!”

Manager: “Sir, we are not responsible for guest’s proposals.”

Male Customer: “Yes, you are! You knew I was going to propose and your staff let him do it first! And I can’t propose after him!”

Manager: “Sir, I don’t know what we could have done to prevent this. Our staff cannot tell people not to propose.”

Male Customer: *yelling* “Yes, you can! I reserved a proposal!”

(By now a lot of guests are staring.)

Manager: “Sir, please keep your voice down.”

Male Customer: “No! I will not be treated like this. You ruined my entire evening and now you’re acting like I’m the bad guy!”

Manager: “Sir, if you do not calm down I will ask to you leave.”

(The man begins yelling “ruined!” over and over again, and starts throwing his food on the floor. We end up calling the police to get him out. Throughout all of this his companion silently watches. As the police drag him out, still screaming she opens her purse and puts a wad of cash on the table.)

Female Customer: “That’s for saving me from a terrible marriage. Have a good evening.”

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Do Not Get Hitched, Go Directly To Jail

, , | Right Romantic | August 25, 2009

Customer: “I’d like to order a cake.”

Me: “All right, what size cake did you want?”

(We go through the details of the cake.)

Me: “And what did you want the cake to say?”

Customer: “Welcome home from jail. Will you marry me?”

Me: “Okay…”

(The next week, the same customer comes back in with the cake.)

Customer: “I’d like a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. What is wrong with it?”

Customer: “He said no!”

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