Nine-Dumb-Dumb

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I am the after-hours emergency line representative for a property management company. We essentially handle things that are association responsibility and will cost the association money, not the homeowner.)

Homeowner: “I think someone is breaking into my house!”

Me: “Did you call the police?”

Homeowner: “No, why would I do that?”

Me: “Because we don’t offer security service. We only dispatch people out for things like plumbing emergencies, or broken sprinklers.”

Homeowner: “What do I do?”

Me: “Call 911.”

Homeowner: “Can you do it for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, 911 tracks the location of the caller. If you feel threatened, you need to call 911 right now.”

Homeowner: “God-d***-it, what the h*** do I pay monthly dues for?” *hangs up*

How To Deal With A Customer’s Crap

| Property Management | TX, USA | Health & Body

(I am a property manager for a homeowner’s association. I get a call from a homeowner.)

Homeowner: “Yes, I’m calling to tell you that you need to pick up the dirty diaper in my front lawn.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, that’s not what I do.”

Homeowner: “Well, somebody needs to pick it up! Who do you think will pick it up if you don’t?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s your house. You’re responsible for maintaining your home. I’m not obligated to clean your lawn.”

Homeowner: “Well, then you can rot in H*** along with that diaper!”

Lack Of Heir Conditioning

| South Carolina, USA | South Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

Tenant: “The heat in my home hasn’t worked all winter! Do you know how much my children have suffered?”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t fix the problem if we don’t know about it. Why didn’t you call earlier?”

Tenant: “I’ve already had my uncle look at the heater. It’s not fixable, and you owe me $60 for having him confirm that.”

Me: “By law, we have to supply you with heat. We would have replaced your heater and given you wood to burn while doing so.”

Tenant: “That’s okay. I’m burning the fence.”

Me: “The privacy fence?”

Tenant: “Yes! My babies need to be warm.”

Me: “That’s treated wood.”

Tenant: “My babies need to be warm!”