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This Call Has Gone Through The Change

| Beverly Hills, CA, USA | Health & Body

Tenant: *via text* “My AC ISN’T WORKING! HELP ME, PLEASE!”

Me: “Let me contact the AC tech and see when he can come. It’s Friday at 4:30, so I’ll do my best.”

Tenant: *now calling* “You have to get him to come out today. This is unacceptable. I need him now. I’m going through menopause and am having hot flashes. I need AC. Can you tip him, give him some money?!”

Me: *silence*

Tenant: “Okay, that was probably TMI.”

The Lawnmower Ban

| Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(My office line rings, and I answer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Homeowner: *yelling* “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL!”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry?”

Homeowner: “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL. THIS IS ILLEGAL!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I am not sure what you are referring to.”

Homeowner: “YOU SENT ME A NOTICE ABOUT MOWING MY LAWN. I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR SIX WEEKS. THAT’S NOT MY JOB. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME STAY HERE. IT’S ILLEGAL. I CAN TAKE A VACATION!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about this, sir. If you could provide me with your name and address, I can look into this for you.”

Homeowner: *gives name and address*

Me: “Thank you, sir. It appears you were sent a courtesy notice as your lawn went un-mowed for two months, and your governing documents state it must be done every two-to-three weeks.”

Homeowner: “IT’S NOT MY JOB! I WASN’T HERE! I AM ALLOWED TO LEAVE! YOU WANT IT DONE SO BADLY, YOU DO IT!”

Me: “Sir, we are not the ones who set the rules; that would be the Homeowner Association’s Board of Directors. We work for them. If fact, this rule was suggested by a member of the Board of Directors… [Homeowner], about a year ago. If you would like, I can send you the minutes of the meeting in which you recommended this rule when you were on the Board?”

Homeowner: *meekly* “I didn’t know I would go on vacation back then…”

Building Up Abuse About The Building

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Top

(I work as maintenance coordinator for a property management company. I get a call from a nearly 30-year-old tenant’s mother.)

Me: “Hello, This is [My Name]. How can I help—”

Mother: “You listen here. I am going to sue the living s*** out of you and you negligent company unless you fix the issues in my son’s apartment!”

Me: “I’ll do everything I can. What is the—”

Mother: “Well, YOU have already been doing ALL that YOU can. Maybe I need to talk to someone else, cause all you can do is f*** all!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m more than happy to assist you in any way I can but I will stop this conversation if you continue to be abusive. What is the add—”

Mother: “I’M BEING ABUSIVE?! You take my money EVERY MONTH so my son can live in that s***-hole! Breathing in mold, dealing with rats and roaches! WHAT ABOUT THE GOD-D*** HOLE IN THE CEILING?! Don’t you think that’s abusive!?”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no knowledge of any unit having any of these problems but for me to help I need the address—”

Mother: “YOU HAVE NO F****** KNOWLEDGE?! LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

(At this point I lose my patience.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you sign the lease for your son or were you present for the signing of the lease?”

Mother: “No, I did not, but what the h*** does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “It MEANS I legally do not have to talk you. NO ONE here has to, and if you continue to be this abrasive on the phone, I will advise the property manager to evict your adult son from his unit. I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT! Now, PLEASE, if you want me to help I need the ADDRESS!”

Mother: “Fine, it’s [address].”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t even manage that building. It’s managed by [Other Management Company].”

Mother: “Well, then, how do I get ahold of them?”

Me: “Let me Google that for you. ” *hangs up phone*

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