Even The UFOs Leave Her Alone

, , , | Right | August 6, 2019

(I am a production manager at a print shop, but since it is a small workplace with few employees, I also handle the front desk and walk-in customers. One day, this woman comes in looking all disheveled and holding an older cell phone. Unfortunately, this is a slow day so I have no other customers to take my attention.)

Me: “Good morning. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Could you print pictures from a cell phone?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, here’s our email address.” *holds out business card* “Just email what pictures you’d like printed and I’ll send them through.”

Customer: *flipping through phone*

Me: “…”

Customer: “You see this here?” *walks behind my desk to show me her phone* “This is a UFO.”

Me: “If you would please step back around to this side of the desk…”

Customer: “This right here. See that white spot? I was trying to take pictures of the moon, but I kept getting this UFO. Look, I’ve even got a video.” *swipes over to show me the video*

Me: “So, do you want me to print the UFO picture for you?”

Customer: *swipes* “Here’s another UFO video. Oh, and these—“ *keeps swiping* “—these are the woods behind my house. Can you see the faces in the trees?”

Me: *starting to hope for another customer, a phone call, anything* “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Yeah, I see faces in the trees all the time. Could you print these for me? I want to make a game. Like a find-it game where people can find the faces.”

Me: “Well, we can certainly print them. If you could go ahead and email them…”

Customer: “Look at this one! I ran it through a filter so you can see the faces easier. See? Look, that’s a horse face right there.”

Me: “Wow. Yeah… So, to get these printed—“

Customer: “Oh! This is another UFO… Those pesky things are always buzzing by my house at night.” *shows me another moon picture*

Me: “…”

(This went on for about an hour before she left… without getting anything printed!)

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Photo-Stroppy

, , , | Right | August 6, 2019

(I work in a print shop. We hand out coupons that get you a free color photocopy on heavier-than-usual paper. For what it is the quality isn’t too bad, though, obviously, it can’t beat a proper photo print.)

Customer: *hands me a poster of some kind along with the coupon* “I got one of these coupons, and I’d like a copy of this. My own printer isn’t doing the colors right.”

Me: “All right, I’ll see what I can do.”

(I make the first copy, adjusting the colors according to my experience, so that the final product will be as close to the original as possible. Still, being a photocopy, there’s no way it can reproduce the original exactly.)

Customer: “I don’t like the way the orange looks here. Can you make it more yellow?”

Me: “Sure, I’ll try to adjust it a bit more. These things tend to be a bit tricky, but luckily, we’ve got all evening!”

(I make another copy, and then a third one, and then a fourth one, every time fixing this or that shade, all according to the wishes of the customer. Mind you, this is all for a print that she isn’t going to pay for, but I do take some pride in my work, and there aren’t other customers at the moment. Finally, we end up with two very similar prints.)

Customer: *looking between the two prints, tsking and frowning* “I don’t know. I really don’t know. They’re both still off. Can I take them with me to see which one would work best for what I need it for?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you take both. The coupon gets you one, not two.”

Customer: *suddenly extremely indignant* “But this quality is terrible! I could have done it better on my home printer!”

Me: “Yes, well, photocopiers usually cannot produce the same quality as most photo printers. They’re two very different things.”

Customer: “You’re a printing company; you should have better quality than this!”

(I’m getting tired. After printing her multiple proofs and trying my best to get her what she’s looking for while she is being difficult and rude, I’m starting to think it isn’t worth it, especially since she’s getting it for free.)

Me: “We do, but we can’t do anything about the quality of a photocopier. Unfortunately, it’s a photocopy, not a photo.”

Customer: *shoves the coupon in my face* “Then what good is this?!”

Me: “It’s good for people who want a photocopy. Really, it’s either take it or leave it.”

(She yelled at me about terrible customer service and threatened to call the CEO. I didn’t feel too bad, because after all, we didn’t lose any business on her.)

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Pray For The Wedding Planner

, , , | Right | July 10, 2019

(I have worked in this print department for six years. No two orders are ever the same and I am constantly amazed how customers expect us to read their minds. Not to brag, but I get feedback on keeping my cool and helpfulness on a regular basis, but sometimes I wonder if I will just crack one day with customers like the following.)

Customer: *walks up to the counter*

Me: “Hi! What brings you in today?”

(This customer has sour expressions and a HUGE chip on her shoulder; I can just FEEL it in the air.)

Customer: “Well, I need help, obviously.”

Me: “Of course! What can I help you with?”

Customer: *frowns* “Our printing!”

Me: “What are you looking to get printed?”

(She rolls her eyes like my question is stupid. I am not kidding.)

Customer: “We need wedding inserts.”

Me: “Wonderful! We have helped people with that before. Do you have a design or idea already or do you need something custom made?”

Customer: *sarcastically* “ I don’t know.”

Me: “Oh, um, okay…” *tries to ask a different question to determine their needs* “ Do you have a budget you want to stay in?”

Customer: “I don’t know!”

(I have no idea how to help the customer when they just keep saying they don’t know.)

Me: “Okay… Well, is there a size you need? Some people do business card sizes or quarter sheet sizes like this?” *shows them a quarter page size*

Customer: *looks at examples and frowns at me* “I don’t know! Aren’t you supposed to be the expert?!”

Me: *still very polite* “Oh, well, then, I have no idea what you need. I can try to guess or offer what other customers have done, but that may take a while since I don’t have any details about what you want. Let me suggest doing this quarter sheet size on a medium weight paper—” *holds up the example* “—and I can type up what you need on it and provide you with a proof, and then, depending on how many you want, I can give you a price. How does that sound?”

Customer: *turns her mouth down at me* “Fine!” *shoves paper at me with hotel and direction info written in terrible writing*

Me: “Wonderful. Would you like the hotel information or directions to come first on the quarter sheet?”

Customer: *loudly* “ No! They are supposed to be two separate pieces for the insert!

Me: “Oh, okay, no problem. Is there anything else I need to know before I type this up really quick to get you a proof?”

Customer: *again rolls her eyes at me* “I don’t know!”

Me: *just about to give up* “Okay, great. Let me get your proof for you; it will be about five minutes.”

(I quickly type up a quarter sheet for the direction info and a separate one with the hotel info, I format it nicely using a nice font. The customer is tapping her fingers loudly on the counter and sighing rudely this entire time.)

Me: “Okay, here are the proofs on the paper I recommended. What do you think?”

Customer: *frowns at the proof, and then rolls her eyes AGAIN* “ I don’t know; I guess that will work.”

Me: “Okay, how many do you need of each design?”

Customer: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Well, do you know how many invitations you have?”

Customer: “200.”

Me: “Great! So, if you want the hotel and directions to be in each invitation, then you need 200 of each. For this paper I showed you, that will be [price].”

Customer: “Whatever.”

Me: *getting REALLY FED UP at this point* “Super! ‘Whatever’ sounds great!” *still polite and cheerful*

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Well, since it looks like this is exactly what you need based on the feedback you have given me, can you just sign approval for the order? I will get it started and call you when it is done. You can also pay today to get it out of the way.” *smiles*

Customer: “What?! No, I am not sure if this will work; I want to take this proof to my family and make sure it is right. And I don’t feel like you gave me very many options!” *glares at me*

Me: “Well, ma’am, we have dozens of papers, and could do thousands of variations of custom designs, and since most of the feedback you gave me was that you didn’t know, I can only guess what you need. If you come back with more details of what you want, or maybe research what other folks do or get info from your family, then we can show you options more specific to your needs.” *the customer is frowning at me this entire time* “I will email you the file I typed up, charge you a few bucks for the typing and formatting I did, and then when you decide, you can come back in and we can finish your order. Does that sound okay?”

Customer: “I don’t know! I have never done this before! Aren’t you supposed to know how this works?!”

Me: “Yes, what I just suggested is how it works.” *as I am ringing her up for the typing charge* “I will send that email to you. Have a good day, and good luck consulting with your family on the proof” *still smiling and respectful*

Customer: “Fine!” *snatches proofs of counter and stomps off*

(This whole thing took ten times longer than it should have, and I had another associate helping other customers that were behind this idiot lady that “didn’t know” the entire time. I can only recommend so much; what did the lady expect me to do? Magically know quantity, design, price, and other details she and her family would want? Like Charlie Brown says, “GOOD GRIEF!”)

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I’m The Only Person That Ever Takes Photos Ever

, , , | Right | June 28, 2019

(Our company is renowned for its printing services, which includes everything from old-fashioned film development for individuals to wrapping buildings for major corporations. Our retail department — the “walk-in” part of the store — sees roughly 100 customers a day. And yet, this happens quite frequently. A customer approaches the counter.)

Me: “Hi there! How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m picking up my order.”

Me: “Okay, great, do you have your reference number?”

Customer: “It’s three 4×6 prints and a roll of film.”

Me: “Okay, great! Do you have your reference number?”

Customer: “They’re pictures of two men, fishing.”

Me: “Okay, let’s start with your name.”

Customer: “I brought them in two days ago. Three 4×6 photos. Glossy?”

Me: “Sir… we have over 400 orders back there in filing. They’re not sorted by size or image; they’re sorted by number. So… let’s start with your name and I will look up your number, please?”

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These Copies Are Coming Out Blue

, , , | Right | May 22, 2019

(It’s just another day working at a print shop when a customer using a self-service copier looks alarmed.)

Customer: “What the heck?!”

Me: *approaching the customer* “Is there something I can do to help?”

Customer: “Your copier is cursing at me!”

Me: *takes a second to process this unusual statement* “I’m sorry? How is it cursing at you?”

(I started to look at the copier’s display, wondering if there was an error she might have been misconstruing as cursing, when she showed me the copy she’d just made. It was a bunch of receipts, but in between each receipt, there were curse words and other letters randomly spread around. I looked at the copier and where she’d placed them on the scanner bed and saw nothing. Suddenly, I remembered that the previous customer to use this machine had been making cut-and-paste handbills that were rather “rude,” and I looked at the underside of the copier’s lid. Because the customer had placed their original pasted copy on the scanner bed before it had completely dried, parts of it had stuck to the lid and ninja’d their way onto this customer’s copies. Luckily, once I discovered the issue and moved her to a new copier, we both had a good laugh about the rowdy and uncouth copier while I cleaned it up.)

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