I run a printing shop that offers design work to complement our services. Prior to any prints, we carefully explain our rates and any potential extra fees the client may encounter. However…

Client: “I like them. How much do I owe you?”

Me: “Well, for the business cards, you owe [amount in the hundreds], and then for the design fee, you owe us for about fifteen minutes of work, which is [amount less than $20].”

Client: “No, I designed it, not you.”

Me: “Well, you supplied us with the logo, but we designed the card based on a color scheme similar to your corporate colors, and we arranged the contact information on the cards. We offer a copy of the Illustrator file so you can avoid any sort of design fee in the future. Prior to printing, I told you—”

Client: “Don’t tell me that you designed this card. I designed it. I’m not paying a design fee.”

I worked in a print shop back when it was common for presentations to use big overhead projectors, and the presenter would use old-school plastic sheets (called transparencies) that would be projected on to the wall. A customer called in.

Customer: “I want a double-sided transparency. I figured I could save money on plastic sheets.”

It took a while to explain to them why that was impossible. All the while, they insisted that I was just trying to get them to pay more than necessary. They had to come into the store for me to show them a sample before they understood the problem.

From then on, we would all use this as a prank call on new employees. Everyone agreed not to answer the phone, and then we’d call the store from a cell phone and ask the new guy to pick it up. The prank-caller would get really hostile, demand that he produce the double-sided transparency, and insist that he was screwing us out of our money and that we’d done it before. It got a pretty good laugh out of everyone who received stupid customer requests every day, and it was sort of a “hazing” ritual at the shop; we all got prank-called on the first week.

We got this new guy, and I called him with the prank call.

Me: “How much would it cost to get a transparency printed double-sided?”

New Guy: “Umm… hang on. Um… I guess it would be a single-sided price plus single-sided customer-stock price? So, like $1.49… but I don’t know.”

Me: *Pauses* “And that’s for double-sided transparency?”

New Guy: “Yeah.”

Me: “And that won’t be a problem at all? Printing double-sided on an overhead transparency slide?”

New Guy: “No. We can print double-sided.”

I was his supervisor at the time, and as much as we liked to have fun, I had to stop and admit the prank and actually take him over to the machine and walk him through why that was impossible.

I’m the owner of a print shop. Ninety-nine percent of the time, we do the artwork for our customers. We always ask for one to three business days to provide a proof for approval, depending on the complexity of the artwork.

One client placed an order of business cards for his beauty salon at 4:00 pm on a Tuesday. On Wednesday morning, just over fifteen hours later, I got this email.

Client: “I want my design proof now, or I’ll call the police.”

I called him back.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there appears to be a misunderstanding. We reserve up to three days to provide proofs for original designs. If you look at our ads, it’s specified there.”

Client: *With cold fury* “I want my design proof now, or I will call the police.”

I thought a bit about what to do. Ultimately, I decided that I would cancel the order and refund his money.

However, I specified that someone else should pick up his refund because if I saw him in our office I would “CALL THE POLICE.”

He sent someone the following week.

A while back, I ran a design and repro bureau (print shop). A new client wanted a newsletter she had “designed” printed. She submitted the file, and I ran the job and offered to drop the finished print work off at her house.

Client: “I’m not paying for this. It looks awful.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Client: “The colours are wrong. Don’t you ever calibrate your equipment?”

Me: “I calibrate every week, sometimes more.”

Client: “Well, I’m not paying. It’s rubbish.”

To make a long and painful story short, eventually, she ended up in front of my Mac. She brought up the Photoshop image on the newsletter cover.

Client: “It needs more red.”

She then started to ALTER THE MONITOR CONTROLS, increasing the red balance.

Customer: “I need to get my Christmas family card out. Print a hundred of these for me.”

Me: “I can certainly print them for you, but will you be able to get them sent out in time for Christmas?”

Customer: “I won’t if you keep dawdling!”

Me: “If I put it in as a rush, it will cost [amount].”

Customer: “What?! That’s obscene!”

Me: “The post office closes in an hour. Today is the last day they can guarantee mail before Christmas Day. You don’t have a choice.”

Customer: “You’re ruining my Christmas!”

Me: “You ruined it yourself by leaving this until the last minute.”

She paid the rush fee, but then stood there moaning at my manager long enough that she didn’t make it in time for the Post Office. Of course she came back in to complain about that to and try to get a refund. Why do the holidays bring out the crazies?

Related:
A Lack Of Planning On Your Part…