Needs To Get A Hug Protector

, , , , , | Friendly | October 2, 2018

(I’m teaching certain classes in my department to fund the final year of my PhD. I go to the department administrator to ask her how many students are in a class so I can fill in equipment request forms for a practical. When I get to her office, our admin is standing in the middle of it looking upset.)

Me: “[Admin], are you okay?”

Admin: “I’ve scratched my new watch.”

(She shows me a smartwatch, and since it was her birthday a week or so earlier I assume it was a gift.)

Admin: “I stood up, and I must have been a bit dizzy because I stumbled into the door and scratched it on the lock. It’s brand new, and I really don’t want to pay over £100 to get the screen fixed. I don’t know if it will be waterproof any more.”

Me: “If you get a screen protector–“

(Before I can say anything else, she shouts, “I have one!” and immediately starts picking at the screen of her watch. A few moments later, she’s picked the protector off to reveal an undamaged screen underneath. Before I can do or say anything, she throws herself at me and hugs me so hard I am knocked back a few steps, since she is a little taller than I am. Finally, she lets me go.)

Admin: “So what did you need?”

Me: “How many student are in [module]?”

(She sits down at her desk and opens the page she needs to tell me that.)

Admin: “You don’t mind hugs, do you?”

Me: “A bit late if I did.”

(I’m not actually fond of hugs from anyone except family and close friends, but she was so happy I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. She gave me the class size and I went to fill in my paperwork.)

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Reese’s Pieces Of Death

, , , , , | Learning | September 5, 2018

(I have a student who is severely allergic to peanuts. It’s in their IEP that even incidental contact could cause them serious problems, and I have to pay close attention to labels on what I eat and wash my hands vigorously if I have anything nut-related. I’m in a committee meeting in my principal’s office. Her recently-restocked candy dish is FULL of Reese’s Pieces.)

Me: *stares at bowl hungrily and uncertainly*

Principal: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “I really want a Reese’s, but I don’t have time to wash my hands as much as I’d need to before I pick up my class.”

Principal: “Does washing your hands really take that long?”

Me: “I mean, it’s either that or I accidentally kill [Student]…”

(Long pause as I realize what I just joked about, and my principal just stares.)

Principal: *tossing three pieces my way* “Well, if you’re killing [Student], you might as well make it worth your while.”

(For the record, I did wash my hands the required amount, and was only a minute late picking up my class.)

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Might Be Accurate For Some Of The Kids

, , , , , , , | Learning | August 13, 2018

When I was still in middle school, my mother worked as a principal for an elementary school. When she was employed there, the school used a bus company called “The Little Britches Buses” for the kindergartners to pick them up and drop them off from school, as well as to take them on field trips.

One day, due to a scheduling error the buses ended up running very late, so, as the principal, my mother had to send out an email notifying all the kindergarten teachers of this occurrence. The computer in my mother’s office was a pretty old model, and some of the keys were a bit sticky, especially the R key.  

She was kind of in a rush to get those emails out, so she didn’t notice her mistake until it was too late, and ended up sending an email that read:

“The Little B****es Buses are going to be late today.”

Thankfully, all the teachers either understood her mistake or were laughing too hard for her to get in any trouble.

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Disapproves Of His Own Approval

, , , , , | Learning | July 11, 2018

(I’m responsible for adding pictures to our school’s webpage. My former principal was insistent that he approve every photo before I posted it.)

Principal: “You added photos to the webpage yesterday.”

Me: “Yes.”

Principal: “Didn’t I tell you that I had to approve every picture you posted?”

Me: “Yes… but you sent those pictures to me. I didn’t think they needed to be approved.”

Principal: “It doesn’t matter.”

Me: “So, when you send me pictures for the website, I have to send them back to you for approval?”

Principal: “Yes.”

(I think he’d just forgotten that he was the one who sent them to me, and didn’t want to admit being wrong. Still, every time he emailed me photos, I’d send them right back to him for approval. It was never withheld.)

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A Little Ray Of Sunshine

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 4, 2018

(I’m a teacher at a middle school. Every Wednesday, the teachers typically stay after school for about an hour for a meeting. It’s mid-December, right before the winter break, and the principal’s voice comes over the intercom at the end of the day:)

Principal: “Teachers, you have been given the gift of time! There will be no meeting today, and it’s a beautiful day, so go home and do something nice for yourselves. I know you’re all busy this time of year, so take the hour for whatever you like. I need to make an announcement about parking tomorrow.” *explains details of parking situation* “Sorry for the inconvenience. Now, GO PLAY IN THE SUNSHINE!”

(I love my boss.)

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