Reese’s Pieces Of Death

, , , , , | Learning | September 5, 2018

(I have a student who is severely allergic to peanuts. It’s in their IEP that even incidental contact could cause them serious problems, and I have to pay close attention to labels on what I eat and wash my hands vigorously if I have anything nut-related. I’m in a committee meeting in my principal’s office. Her recently-restocked candy dish is FULL of Reese’s Pieces.)

Me: *stares at bowl hungrily and uncertainly*

Principal: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “I really want a Reese’s, but I don’t have time to wash my hands as much as I’d need to before I pick up my class.”

Principal: “Does washing your hands really take that long?”

Me: “I mean, it’s either that or I accidentally kill [Student]…”

(Long pause as I realize what I just joked about, and my principal just stares.)

Principal: *tossing three pieces my way* “Well, if you’re killing [Student], you might as well make it worth your while.”

(For the record, I did wash my hands the required amount, and was only a minute late picking up my class.)

Might Be Accurate For Some Of The Kids

, , , , , , , | Learning | August 13, 2018

When I was still in middle school, my mother worked as a principal for an elementary school. When she was employed there, the school used a bus company called “The Little Britches Buses” for the kindergartners to pick them up and drop them off from school, as well as to take them on field trips.

One day, due to a scheduling error the buses ended up running very late, so, as the principal, my mother had to send out an email notifying all the kindergarten teachers of this occurrence. The computer in my mother’s office was a pretty old model, and some of the keys were a bit sticky, especially the R key.  

She was kind of in a rush to get those emails out, so she didn’t notice her mistake until it was too late, and ended up sending an email that read:

“The Little B****es Buses are going to be late today.”

Thankfully, all the teachers either understood her mistake or were laughing too hard for her to get in any trouble.

Disapproves Of His Own Approval

, , , , , | Learning | July 11, 2018

(I’m responsible for adding pictures to our school’s webpage. My former principal was insistent that he approve every photo before I posted it.)

Principal: “You added photos to the webpage yesterday.”

Me: “Yes.”

Principal: “Didn’t I tell you that I had to approve every picture you posted?”

Me: “Yes… but you sent those pictures to me. I didn’t think they needed to be approved.”

Principal: “It doesn’t matter.”

Me: “So, when you send me pictures for the website, I have to send them back to you for approval?”

Principal: “Yes.”

(I think he’d just forgotten that he was the one who sent them to me, and didn’t want to admit being wrong. Still, every time he emailed me photos, I’d send them right back to him for approval. It was never withheld.)

A Little Ray Of Sunshine

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 4, 2018

(I’m a teacher at a middle school. Every Wednesday, the teachers typically stay after school for about an hour for a meeting. It’s mid-December, right before the winter break, and the principal’s voice comes over the intercom at the end of the day:)

Principal: “Teachers, you have been given the gift of time! There will be no meeting today, and it’s a beautiful day, so go home and do something nice for yourselves. I know you’re all busy this time of year, so take the hour for whatever you like. I need to make an announcement about parking tomorrow.” *explains details of parking situation* “Sorry for the inconvenience. Now, GO PLAY IN THE SUNSHINE!”

(I love my boss.)