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A Noteworthy Turnaround

, , , , , | Learning | November 16, 2017

(I’m 15 years old and a sophomore. Recently, I took a couple of days off school due to a nasty sinus infection. Before she drops me off, my mom gives me my doctor’s note and I head inside. A couple of hours later, I get called into the office of one of the three assistant principals.)

Assistant Principal: “So, [My Name], did you know we call the doctor’s office to verify sick notes?”

Me: “Um, I guess?”

Assistant Principal: “Since you have a clean record, you’ll only get one day of lunch detention if you confess.”

Me: “Huh? Confess to what?”

Assistant Principal: *gets a creepy smile on his face and calls for the receptionist* “You changed the dates on your note.”

Me: “What?! No I didn’t. I only got it from my mom when she dropped me off! I didn’t have time to do that.”

(The receptionist comes in and says the office only confirmed one day of my absence, not the three I needed. They go back and forth accusing me and telling me I’ll get a week’s lunch detention for lying. Finally, in tears, I take out my cell phone and get them to call my mom at work.)

Assistant Principal: “Hello, Mrs. [Last Name]. This is your daughter’s principal at [School]. She’s hysterical and wanted us to call you because the dates on her doctor’s note were changed. She says she didn’t do it, but…”

(There’s a long pause and his smile slowly fades away. He looks between me and the receptionist.)

Assistant Principal: “W-well, yes, ma’am. No, ma’am. Yes, ma’am, I will. But just for future reference, you can’t do th—”

(He pauses again and gives me back my phone.)

Assistant Principal: “So, your mother says she changed the note. Just tell her she can’t do that next time.”

(They got rid of the detention notice on my records and sent me on my way. I get having to punish kids who do mess up, but maybe don’t look like you’re enjoying it so much?)

Not Just Discussing School Affairs

, , , | Learning | June 2, 2017

(I attend a religious private school for most of my school life. It’s a small school with about 100 students and pretty much everyone knows each other’s name, including their parents. One day, the new principal calls everyone into the auditorium in the middle of class and no one, not even the teachers, knows why.)

Principal: “As you all know, we here at [School] hold all of you, and our staff, to a high standard. It is our belief that we live and practice God’s word every day.”

(He starts making a speech about relationships and commitment and trust. Then he drops this little gem.)

Principal: “It has come to my attention that Mr. [Teacher]—” *who is married* “—has been having an affair with Mrs. [Name].”

(This is a student’s mother, who we all know is also married. Everyone in the auditorium looks at the student in question, and she starts tearing up.)

Principal: “We do not tolerate such an adulterous action, and as such, Mr. [Teacher] will no longer be teaching. He has voluntarily resigned. This is not an act that we here at [School] approve of because it is an act of deception and is wrong in more than one way.”

(Everyone is still staring at the student and she starts crying.)

Principal: “We ask that you please leave both families alone as they address this sinful event.”

(The student runs out of the auditorium still crying; her friend follows after her.)

Principal: “That is all I have to say about the matter; please return to class and continue with your lessons.”

(The irony about this event was that the principal didn’t want rumors flying around and yet not one single person knew about the affair. The gossip queens, the teachers, the office staff, not even the student herself knew about it. The student ended up leaving the school because she was so embarrassed about the whole situation. Needless to say, the principal was not popular with students, staff, or parents after that. And that is the story about the time our principal told everyone in the school about an affair between teacher and parent.)

Writing’s On The Wall For This School

, , , , , | Learning | August 27, 2014

(I am in fourth grade. I am retelling this from my parents’ accounts.)

Teacher #1: “We’ve noticed that [My Name] hasn’t been doing well in our writing camp.”

Teacher #2: “It’s our prep camp for the state writing test.”

Mom: “So, what’s her issue?”

Teacher #1: “[My Name] hasn’t been finishing her assignments on time, and she often misbehaves when we give directions.”

Principal: “She has been to my office an alarming number of times.”

Mom: “Well, how much do they have to write?”

Teacher #2: “Not much, just a paragraph a day. We give them about thirty minutes each day, and by the end of the week, they have a full composition.”

Dad: “I see. [My Name] is a rather slow writer. Is there a possibility that she could receive extra time?”

(Upon hearing this, the staff present laughed in my parents’ faces! Luckily, I was eventually able to leave that school, go to a better one where students receive more teacher focus, and receive some psychological help. It turned out that I have high-functioning autism, which contributes, in this case, to slow penmanship and sensitivity to time pressure. My new school was able to accommodate me as needed, and now I’ll be entering high school with great test scores –including an almost perfect score in math!)


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Time To Teach Time Travel

, , , , , | Working | December 29, 2012

(I am a substitute teacher. This takes place on Picture Day, where all the kids go with their homeroom teachers to have school pictures taken. After about a quarter of my students have sat for their portraits and are sitting quietly near me while they wait for their classmates to finish, the principal comes into the room.)

Principal: “You need to take the students who are finished back to your classroom. They can’t just loiter in here.”

Me: “But I thought I wasn’t supposed to leave any student unattended.”

Principal: “That’s right.”

Me: “So, I have to walk each student, as they are finished, back to my classroom?”

Principal: “Yes.”

Me: “And, then, return here to escort the next student?”

Principal: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll do that.”

(I proceed to escort the six to eight students who are finished back to my classroom. I then return to the cafeteria where portraits are being taken. Just then, the principal walks in, seemingly livid.)

Principal: “What did I tell you about leaving students unattended?”

Me: “I’m confused. I thought I was supposed to escort each student back to my classroom, and then return here for the next student.”

Principal: “Yes! That’s right!”

Me: “But, to do that, the students in the classroom would be left unattended.”

Principal: “Students should never be unattended!”

Me: “Then, should I stay in the classroom and tell students to just return to my room when the portraits are done?”

Principal: “What are you thinking?! Students should never be left unattended in the classroom, in the cafeteria, or in the hallways.”

Me: “Let me see if I am getting this right: I am supposed to be in the cafeteria throughout the time the portraits are being taken so the kids aren’t unattended in the cafeteria. I am also supposed to escort each and every student back to my classroom so they aren’t unattended in the hallways. Once I take a student back to the classroom, I’m supposed to stay there so that they aren’t left unattended in my room. Is that right?”

Principal:Yes! God, why is that so hard to figure out? At this rate, it’ll be a miracle if you don’t flunk out of your master’s program.”

Me: “So, tell me, how am I supposed to be in the cafeteria, in my classroom, and escorting students in the hallway all at the same time?”

Principal: “You are the teacher. That is your job to figure out. Now, get it done!” *storms off*

(I did my best to bend the laws of physics and reality to accomplish his directive, but it didn’t work. I ended up having to leave the students unattended in the cafeteria, where at least the adult photographer and school secretary were present. At the end of the day, I was relieved from my position as a long-term substitute teacher for “Endangering the safety of students by leaving them unattended.”)


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