Bald Eagle Meets Blind Human

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2018

(I am part of a campground’s janitorial staff, meaning my duties include cleaning the bathroom facilities, picking up litter, etc. This occurs as I am walking with several coworkers from one of the eight bathroom facilities to the next. As we’re passing a campsite, a camper flags us down from his truck.)

Camper: “Do you guys know anything about the wildlife around here?”

(As janitorial staff, the only wildlife knowledge we have to have is what’s endangered, what’s invasive, and what’s dangerous, but while he could very well be asking for something along those lines, I have a passing knowledge beyond that, as well, so I step up.)

Me: “I’m not an expert, but I might still be able to help, and if not I’m sure I can get a hold of someone who can.”

Camper: “Do you think you can identify a bird for me?”

Me: “I could give it a try.”

Camper: “Well, it was about seven feet tall, and it had these pink and purple stripes up and down it.”

(I take a moment to think, mostly about whether or not he’s being serious.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have no idea what that could be.”

Camper: “Well, here. Maybe a picture would help.”

(He gets out his phone, brings up a photograph, and shows it to me. It’s a very clear photo of a bald eagle standing on a dune. To this day, I have no idea where he got “seven feet tall,” or “pink and purple stripes” from.)

Me: “Oh, that’s a bald eagle.”

Camper: *looks at picture* “Are you sure?”

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Do What I Want Or I’ll Hate You So There

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2018

(I work for a cell phone company. All day I chat to customers about hardware upgrades, issues with their accounts, etc. Most of the time I can’t fix their problems because of conversations like this one.)

Customer: “Hi, can you upgrade my phone, please?”

Me: “Hey, my name is [My Name]. May I have your full name and number or account number?”

Customer: “Okay, my name is [Customer] and my number is [number].”

Me: “Thank you. Just one moment while I open your account.”

(I look at his account to see what I can offer, and what I can’t. He just upgraded his phone to the new iPhone 6 Plus and owes the company $2,000; that needs to be paid before another upgrade.)

Me: “It looks like I am unable to complete your request at this time. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “WHY? THIS IS DUMB! UPGRADE MY PHONE! I WANT THE iPHONE 6S NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks that you have just done an upgrade and still owe on that.”

Customer: “SO? GIVE ME A NEW ONE!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I am unable as the system will not let me unless the balance is paid off in full.”

Customer: “How much do I owe?”

Me: “$2,000; that’s for the phone, the overdue bills, and device protection.”

Customer: “Can’t you just waive that if I stay with you?”

Me: “Um, no?!”

Customer: “THAT’S DUMB! I HATE [PHONE COMPANY]!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Customer: “Will you waive that fee now?”

Me: “No, I still can’t.”

(The customer disconnected from chat. That had to have been the stupidest chat ever.)

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Someone Worth Talking About

, , , , , , | Related | November 17, 2017

(A group of new students has just started jobs at my workplace. I mention this fact in conversation with my mother.)

Me: “A bunch of new students started today.”

Mom: “That’s nice. Was one of them called [Coworker]?”

Me: “Yeah. Why?”

Mom: “I think I work with his parents; they were talking about how their son was just starting his first job today, and I think they mentioned that he was at [My Workplace].”

Me: “I’ve yet to see any evidence that [Coworker] knows how to stop talking.”

Mom: *pause* “Oh, so, he takes after his mother, then.”

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True Exits Are On The Way Out

, , , | Right | May 17, 2011

(We are a very small store, and only have one entrance/exit door. A visitor from a larger city, is standing in the middle of the store, looking lost.)

Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yes. Where is your exit?”

Me: “Our exit?”

Customer: “Yes, I came in that door, but I can’t find your exit.”

Me: “We only have one door.”

Customer: “One door? How strange!”

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Remote Possibilities Are A Waste Of Time

, , , | Right | March 12, 2010

Customer: “My cable box is broken.”

Me: “What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Roughly every one minute the channel goes up. I tried turning it off and on; I tried unplugging it; I made sure no one was sitting on the remote; nothing works! You guys gave me a broken box!”

Me: “What does it currently show on the front of the box, sir?”

Customer: “Channel 932.”

Me: “And what time is it, sir?”

Customer: “9:32. Oh.” *hangs up*

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