I Only Consume Diet Hydrogen

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2019

(A customer approaches me on the shop floor.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you stock [Brand of mineral water]?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; we don’t carry that one.”

Customer: “That’s a shame. I’m on a diet and I heard it has fewer calories than the others.”

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H2-D’oh!, Part 5

, , , , , | Right | October 22, 2018

Customer: “Do you have any [Particular Brand of spring water]?”

Me: “Yes, just over here.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you. I’ve heard it has less calories than [Other Brand].”

(It is water, for crying out loud!)

H2-D’oh!, Part 4
H2-D’oh!, Part 3
H2-D’oh!, Part 2

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Addicted To This Routine

, , , | Healthy | December 27, 2017

(Our supermarket has a resident addict. Somewhere in there is a nice guy who made some very bad decisions some time ago. He is permanently off his face on whatever he can get his hands on. Some variant on this conversation takes place at least daily:)

Member Of Staff: “Right, [Addict], you’ll need to go. You’re barred, remember?”

Addict: “Am I? Why?”

Member Of Staff: “Because you keep trying to nick stuff.”

Addict: “Well, yes, I do, but I don’t remember being barred for it.”

Member Of Staff: “You were off your face at the time, so you probably wouldn’t, but you are. Trust me.”

Addict: “Well, if you say so. Will I remember this conversation tomorrow?”

Member Of Staff: “Probably not.”

Addict: “Right, well. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” *leaves*

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