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Prankin’ Like It’s 1929

, , | Right | August 29, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Older Caller: “Ma’am, do y’all sell olive oil?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Older Caller: “But do you have it in a can?”

Me: “I’ve never seen one, but I know we have it in bottles of varying–”

Older Caller: “Could you check for me?”

(I go down the aisle and sure enough, we carry massive 3-liter tin containers.)

Me: “Ma’am, sorry about the wait. But to answer your question, we do have it in large three-liter cans as well as bottles of varying size. If you want I can pull one off the shelf and hold it at the service de–”

Older Caller: “So you DO have olive oil in a can?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Aisle four.”

Older Caller: “WELL, YOU BETTER TELL HER THAT POPEYE’S LOOKIN’ FOR HER!” *hangs up*

Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2

, , , | Right | August 28, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?

Caller: “I’m trying to get in contact with Mike Hunt.”

(I check the guest list to make sure we don’t actually have a Michael Hunt staying with us.)

Me: “Yes, Mr. Hunt is sharing a room with I.P. Freely, and he asked me to give you a message: he said to not call here again until you can come up with something a little more original, you pathetic losers.”

Caller: *hangs up*


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A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**

, , , , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [fast food place]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

(The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

Customer: *to his passengers* “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

Customer: *to my coworker* “Okay, I’m ready.”

Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

What Strange Magic Is This

, , , , , | Right | June 28, 2008

Me: “Sporting goods, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need a tennis racquet. The one I have is the wrong one.”

Me: “What kind of tennis racquet are you looking for?”

Customer: “I’m a lefty. I need a left-handed tennis racquet.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Hello? Are you still there? Do you have any left-handed tennis racquets?”

Me: “Ma’am, just put the one you have in your left hand. It’s now a left-handed tennis racquet.”

Customer: “Oooh! I’m going to kill my husband!” *hangs up*


This story is part of our Bickering Couple roundup!

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When Employees Lose It

, , , | Right | May 15, 2008

(I failed to complete a job in an hour for a customer. She became upset, so I offered her a refund.)

Me: “I am sorry about this… we became extremely busy as you can see by the five people behind you now.”

Rude Woman “Well, how come you didn’t tell me you would be this busy?”

Me: “I seem to have forgotten my crystal ball at home and I am not quite able to tell the future without it.”

Rude Lady “WELL I NEVER. I want your name!”

Rude Me: “Okay, ma’am, but you’ll look pretty funny being called Bryan.”

Rude Lady “I want your manager’s name!”

Ruder Me: “Seriously? Sure thing, maybe Rick will suit you better anyway.”

(She took her jewelry and stormed off. I called my boss a few hours later; she had contacted him and I was warned. Well worth it though!)