Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Attempting Mouse To Mouse Resuscitation

, , , | Right | January 5, 2011

CONTENT WARNING: Animal Cruelty

Customer: “I plugged a mouse into my computer, and it died. Now I can’t get it out.”

(We review for a few minutes and I deduce that he has plugged a mouse into his USB port, but it’s stuck inside and won’t work.)

Me: “Okay, so grab the cord and try to pull on that.”

Customer: “You mean the tail? That’s already in the port.”

Me: “Well, the cord shouldn’t be. You’re supposed to plug in the other end.”

Customer: “You mean the head? I don’t think it would fit.”

(Suddenly realizing what the customer has done.)

Me: “Did you plug in a live mouse to your computer?”

Customer: “Yes, I believe I said that.”

(I put the customer on hold for several minutes. When I recover I realize I don’t know what to tell the customer I call my supervisor who instructs the customer to bring the laptop into a repair shop. I get the customer back on and tell him this information.)

Customer: “But Mickey’s gone for good now, right?”

Pray They’re Talking About Baby Goats

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2010

(This takes place after setting up an installation date for the caller’s service.)

Me: “Now, do you have any pets or animals that we need the technician to know about?”

Caller: “Nah, he’ll be all right. I’ll just tie my kids up in the backyard.”


This story is part of the Dad Jokes roundup!

Read the next Dad Jokes roundup story!

Read the Dad Jokes roundup!

Sadly, There Is No Cure For Rudeness

, , , , , | Right | November 2, 2010

(I have psoriasis, a hereditary condition that leaves me with large red patches on my scalp. This occurs while I am waiting in line at a convenience store with a woman standing behind me.)

Customer: “What’s wrong with you?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “Those ugly blotches all over your head. What do you have?”

Me: “Oh, it’s a highly contagious flesh-eating disease. Very painful.”

Customer: “Oh, my gosh! Really? How contagious is it?”

Me: “Well, you probably already have it.”

Customer: *rushes out of the store in a panic*


This story is part of the Sarcastic Responses roundup!

Read the next Sarcastic Responses roundup story!

Read the Sarcastic Responses roundup!

What’s Red Or Blue And Dumb All Over

, , , | Right | October 13, 2010

(I work for a cruise line. We port in a small town where we are too big for the local harbor, so we have to tender the passengers ashore in smaller boats. The passengers are lining up to be issued a tender ticket so they can go ashore. The tickets just happen to be red or blue, but the colors don’t mean anything.)

Passenger: “What’s the difference between the red tickets and the blue tickets?”

Me: *joking* “Well, the red tickets operate as a life preserver in case of an emergency; the blue tickets will turn to stone and take you straight to the bottom. You’ll have to decide among yourselves who gets what.”

(The entire line behind the passenger bursts into hysterical laughter. I’m having difficulty holding a straight face, but the original passenger is staring at me completely horror-stricken.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m joking… There’s no difference.”

Passenger: “Are… are you sure?!”


This story is part of the Humorless Customers roundup!

Read the next Humorless Customers roundup story!

Read the Humorless Customers roundup!

Seriously, It’s Just A Joke

, , , , , | Right | August 5, 2010

(I am loading guests onto boats at my ride, on which everybody gets wet and all seats are red, when my boss makes a joke over the intercom.)

Boss: “If you’re in a red seat, you will get wet. The red seats are the wet seats. The blue seats are the dry seats.”

Guest: “I’d like a blue seat, please.”

Me: *gesturing at the boat* “All the seats are red.”

Guest: “But I don’t want to get wet.”

Me: “This is a water ride. You will get wet.”

Guest: “Not in a blue seat. He just said.”

Me: “He was making a joke. See? All the seats are red.”

Guest: “Okay.” *pause* “Which seats are the dry seats, then?”